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AIBU?

to think that nobody really made an effort for my 40th ??!!

16 replies

smoggie · 21/08/2011 20:16

THinking back to dh, sister, mum and dad's significant birthdays, I've always gathered together photos to tell their story, printed out posters of them/witty quotes, taken lots of pics on the day, organised a cake etc.
I'm just a little peeved ( and OK probably being a bit of a spoiled brat) that nobody made the same effort for me?
My mum arranged a cake, but as for personalised effort - that is the sum total
I know you don't do these things just for people to do them in return, but is their lack off effort indicative of how they ffeel or should I just put it down to them being thoughtless/busy???

OP posts:

Report

smoggii · 21/08/2011 20:17

Name Hug xxx

TidyDancer · 21/08/2011 20:19

I don't think it's thoughtless of them, I think it's just that some people don't regard birthdays like others do. I wouldn't give a crap if I got nothing more than a cake for my birthday, it just doesn't matter to me.

I think you are being a bit brattish, but I understand why, considering what you do for them.

smoggii · 21/08/2011 20:19

Some people are simply more thoughtful than others...you now know you are one of them.

Nice of your mum to do that though, make sure you let her know you appreciate it.

I always thought I was pretty thoughtful until I met my friend, B, she is amazing and puts me to shame so I do my best for her on special days

MissPenteuth · 21/08/2011 20:19

Sorry you're feeling unappreciated. Are they usually a bit rubbish at these things? If so you're probably right about the rubbish/busy explanation. Did you get presents at least? A nice meal?

OhYouBadBadKitten · 21/08/2011 20:20

I've learned that just cos you are a lovely person who puts effort in, it doesnt mean that everyone else will be I'm afraid.

Happy Birthday.

microfight · 21/08/2011 20:22

Some people just aren't interested in Birthdays. I'm not did nothing for my 40th and happy not to have the stress of people fussing.. Don't expect people to think and feel like you do..
Happy 40th though

smoggie · 21/08/2011 20:25

Smoggii - I did - I made sure she knew how much I appreciated the cake.

OP posts:

mumofsoontobelawstudent · 21/08/2011 21:33

I can understand you being disappointed if you'd made so much more effort but as others have said, not everyone is as thoughtful or views birthdays in the same way.

I remember when an (ex) really good friend of mine reached her 40th. I was away at the time but left her birthday gift with her before I went. I'd made up a goody bag with a small bottle of champagne, belgium chocolates, bubble bath and a Tiffany necklace. The following year for my 40th I didn't even get a card, text, email or phone call. I certainly didn't expect the same type of gift in return. I'd spent more than I should have done on her but was treating her as it hadn't been long since her DH had left her and she was very low. A card or text would have been nice on my 40th though.

geewaf · 21/08/2011 21:38

I don't think you ABIU. I would feel exactly the same. I am sure they are just busy or unfortunately not as thoughtful as you

Happy Birthday

NorfolkBroad · 21/08/2011 21:39

Know what you mean Smoggie. I am the one that organises bday things in my family, I genuinely LOVE doing it. My parents are not very big on stuff like that, never have been. Fortunately DP is great at it so I am now lucky to be on the receiving end as well. I know we don't do these things just to get them back in return but it does hurt a little when this happens.

Happy Birthday to you!

smoggie · 22/08/2011 06:59

Thank you for the birthday wishes
Feeling less grumpy about it this morning and think I just have to accept that it's probably nothing personal, they just don't think in the same way as I do.
Being 40 do I now have to be all mature and grown up about these things??? ...bugger !

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 22/08/2011 07:19

See I loathe it when people do things like that because I think it's really twee and a bit 'kid's party'. So if you did it for me I would obviously pretend to be pleased while inside thinking 'oh christ'.

Cake is good, a card is good, and seeing people is lovely.

So don't be offended, they just have different ideas about what constitutes a good birthday

baguettecut · 22/08/2011 07:39

You have to make your own fun in this life...!

MorelliOrRanger · 22/08/2011 07:49

My sis and I are like you in the respect that we make a massive fuss over big birthdays etc. However, I've a big one next year and I don't want a fuss, I don't want a party and because of this I'm absolutely dreading it.

Anomaly · 22/08/2011 08:03

If you're 40 surely you've had a few significant birthdays before now so you must have learned what people do for you. In my experience what they do for you is what they expect you to do for them. So much as you might like the photo stuff if they're not doing it for you chances are they don't necessarily like it. My Mum has done things like photo collages which I hate as I think they look crap and it upsets me that to make them she's cut up photos and as they're pre-digital they were the only copies.

diddl · 22/08/2011 09:40

I agree Änomaly

I think that often people arrange what they would like for themselves.

Is it also a male/female split?

As in adult women are more bothered/want more of a fuss?

I don´t work, my husband does, so I find that I organise my b/day as well as his.

Apart from cards/presents, of course.

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