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AIBU?

to wish that SIL would stop saying BIL "won't let me do" things before I slap both of them sharpish?

54 replies

CheerfulYank · 21/08/2011 17:37

UGH! This is more of a rant. Be warned.

We were at a family gathering this weekend and SIL (she's married to DH's brother) brought up clotheslines for some reason and said "Well DH won't let me have one as it would spoil our view." She says things like this all the time "DH wouldn't let me put that rug in DD's room even if I bought it" "DH wouldn't let DS go to gymnastics even if he wanted to" and on and on and on. She does it in a jokey "ain't men awful" kind of way and it makes my teeth itch.

She is walked all over by her DH and her DC (her DD, who is 4, yelled at her because SIL told her to stop singing "Holy shit" to the tune of Old McDonald; both DCs slap her, etc) but she seems to enjoy martyrdom. (i.e "the kids are SUCH picky eaters, they won't eat a thing" "the kids won't sleep through the night unless we lie with them, I'm so tired" ) etc etc.

AAAARRRRGGGGHHH!

Okay, rant over.

OP posts:

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izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 21/08/2011 17:45

Sounds as if your SIL has chosen her role in life and it's a cross between long-suffering martyr/shag pile rug. C'est la vie and not a lot you can do about it, nor should be attempting to show her the error of her way.

But you have BU 'cos I can't make the words 'holy shit' fit to the tune of Old MacDonald's and that's gonna bug me for hours

PhilipJFry · 21/08/2011 17:45

It could be her way of dealing with it, perhaps? If she makes a joke out of it then she doesn't have to think about the fact she's actually in a bit of a crap situation and is being treated badly.

Maybe she brings it up because she feels uneasy about it deep down, and wants to mention it as a way to brush off those fears: a "Oh look at that husband of mine and his little rules!" sort of thing. It must be occupying her thoughts quite frequently if she brings it up so much.

SuePurblybilt · 21/08/2011 17:46

holey shhiiiiiiiit, la la la EIEIO

It just doesn't work?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 21/08/2011 17:47

nor should be attempting to show her the error of her way. Aaaargh, that stoopid tune is reverberating through my head.... should read
'nor should you be attempting to show her the error of her ways.

ivykaty44 · 21/08/2011 17:48

every time she says dh says no say

does he ever ask you not to be a martyre and then laugh

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 21/08/2011 17:49

With a holy shit here and a holy shit there Sue?

exoticfruits · 21/08/2011 17:50

I don't think that you can do much. I would just keep my voice neutral and friendly and just say things like 'I would ignore BIL' and change the subject.
You can't do much about her DCs-just don't let them be rude to you and don't pander to fussy eating.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 21/08/2011 17:51

Tsk, you lot.

It would have been holy, holy, holy shit.holy, holy shit.

Etc and so on.

SuePurblybilt · 21/08/2011 17:52

Holy here, shiiiiiit there....

Nope. The child cannot scan. Fact. .

OP YANBU. It is very annoying.

InstantAtom · 21/08/2011 17:53

I'd ask "What don't you let him do?"

CheerfulYank · 21/08/2011 17:55

I do usually just say to ignore it, but ugh.

Yes, Apocalypse has it about right.

OP posts:

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 21/08/2011 17:56

MatureUniStudent · 21/08/2011 17:59

Dooh to me, I was doing the "McDonalds McDonalds Kentucky Fried Chicken and Pizza Hut" tune with Holy Shit. (It works quite well actually...)

TrillianAstra · 21/08/2011 18:00

"lol aren't men awful lol"

"Actually no, men are not awful and anyone who does act like that is being a bit of a shit human being and shouldn't be allowed to get away with it"

I can't see the conversation going very well unfortunately.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 21/08/2011 18:01

I can just about make it work as 'Old Fuck Donald had a farm holy holy shit' etc but that's not in keeping with the OP's dn's version.

What an irritating enchanting little dn you have OP - perhaps singing lessons would be an appropriate birthday gift for her?

muminthemiddle · 21/08/2011 18:03

YANBU.

kickassangel · 21/08/2011 18:10

send her a link to some of the mn feminists threads.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 21/08/2011 18:14

That's a bit harsh angel - surely we don't want the poor woman to keel over from the shock of such an abrupt introduction to emancipation?

Teaandcakeplease · 21/08/2011 18:15

I feel for you Cheerful I'm sure you handle it with more grace than I would. Enjoying the holy shit renditions on here though

belgo · 21/08/2011 18:15

I think you are probably right, she does enjoy matyrdom, maybe she is happy for her dh to make all of the decisions so she doesn't have to think for herself?

IwoulddoPachacuti · 21/08/2011 18:22

Holy shiiit holy shit. Holy holy shiiit

Hmm...almost works!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 21/08/2011 18:28

If she's completely immersed herself in Stepfordville, there's not going to be a lot you can do about it except avoid her like the plague smile sweetly and sliently give thanks that you were born with a whole brain and had the nous to nab the pick of the litter, namely, your DH.

Do you have to socialise with these ILs a lot? If so, you have my sympathy as I'd find it very difficult not to resort to deep sarcasm query why she finds it necessary to single out the 'obey' part of her vows when 'til death do us part' is a far more attractive aspect when one of the happy couple is a twunt.

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DontGoCurly · 21/08/2011 18:30

YADNBU

I have no sympathy for people like your SIL. If she accepts this crap from her husband and kids it's nobodys fault but her own. Wouldn't you just love to tell her to shut up!

I hate the way people like this recount their boring martyr stories as if they are in any way funny or endearing. It grinds my gears as well.

camdancer · 21/08/2011 18:35

My FIL does this the whole time. "I'd love to do x but MIL would never let me." "We can never get out of the house before lunch, MIL wouldn't like it." "I can't do , MIL would never let me." In return, she treats him like a 5 year old. It seems to be the way their relationship works. He seems to like being bossed around and she certainly likes doing the bossing. Drives me insane though, especially when she makes comments about him to me. I don't want to get involved and certainly don't have that type of relationship with DH.

CheerfulYank · 21/08/2011 18:49

Yes, I do have to socialize with them quite a bit. And my annoying dear little niece and nephew live 10 minutes away and are DS's only cousins.

My other SILs (DH's sisters) are ace and just say things like "Oh, DH "lets" me have a clothesline...DH, you romantic fool" etc. :)

It's just awkward because she'll say these things and then everyone just kind of uncomfortably says "Oh, erm..." or my MIL will look at BIL in disgust. And then SIL thinks she doesn't fit in. Or something.

Argh. She's sort of a raving loon, actually, I've posted about her before. It's just irritating and it is getting to the point where I am actually almost biting my tongue in half.

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