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to wish that SIL would stop saying BIL "won't let me do" things before I slap both of them sharpish?

(55 Posts)
CheerfulYank Sun 21-Aug-11 17:37:59

UGH! This is more of a rant. Be warned.

We were at a family gathering this weekend and SIL (she's married to DH's brother) brought up clotheslines for some reason and said "Well DH won't let me have one as it would spoil our view." She says things like this all the time "DH wouldn't let me put that rug in DD's room even if I bought it" "DH wouldn't let DS go to gymnastics even if he wanted to" and on and on and on. She does it in a jokey "ain't men awful" kind of way and it makes my teeth itch.

She is walked all over by her DH and her DC (her DD, who is 4, yelled at her because SIL told her to stop singing "Holy shit" to the tune of Old McDonald; both DCs slap her, etc) but she seems to enjoy martyrdom. (i.e "the kids are SUCH picky eaters, they won't eat a thing" "the kids won't sleep through the night unless we lie with them, I'm so tired" ) etc etc.


Okay, rant over.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sun 21-Aug-11 17:45:03

Sounds as if your SIL has chosen her role in life and it's a cross between long-suffering martyr/shag pile rug. C'est la vie and not a lot you can do about it, nor should be attempting to show her the error of her way.

But you have BU 'cos I can't make the words 'holy shit' fit to the tune of Old MacDonald's and that's gonna bug me for hours grin

PhilipJFry Sun 21-Aug-11 17:45:29

It could be her way of dealing with it, perhaps? If she makes a joke out of it then she doesn't have to think about the fact she's actually in a bit of a crap situation and is being treated badly.

Maybe she brings it up because she feels uneasy about it deep down, and wants to mention it as a way to brush off those fears: a "Oh look at that husband of mine and his little rules!" sort of thing. It must be occupying her thoughts quite frequently if she brings it up so much.

SuePurblybilt Sun 21-Aug-11 17:46:23

holey shhiiiiiiiit, la la la EIEIO

It just doesn't work?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sun 21-Aug-11 17:47:27

nor should be attempting to show her the error of her way. Aaaargh, that stoopid tune is reverberating through my head.... should read
'nor should you be attempting to show her the error of her ways.

ivykaty44 Sun 21-Aug-11 17:48:11

every time she says dh says no say

does he ever ask you not to be a martyre and then laugh

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sun 21-Aug-11 17:49:15

With a holy shit here and a holy shit there Sue?

exoticfruits Sun 21-Aug-11 17:50:56

I don't think that you can do much. I would just keep my voice neutral and friendly and just say things like 'I would ignore BIL' and change the subject.
You can't do much about her DCs-just don't let them be rude to you and don't pander to fussy eating.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie Sun 21-Aug-11 17:51:23

Tsk, you lot.

It would have been holy, holy, holy shit.holy, holy shit.

Etc and so on.

SuePurblybilt Sun 21-Aug-11 17:52:43

Holy here, shiiiiiit there....

Nope. The child cannot scan. Fact. grin.

OP YANBU. It is very annoying.

InstantAtom Sun 21-Aug-11 17:53:03

I'd ask "What don't you let him do?"

CheerfulYank Sun 21-Aug-11 17:55:39

I do usually just say to ignore it, but ugh.

Yes, Apocalypse has it about right.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie Sun 21-Aug-11 17:56:19

<<takes bow>>

MatureUniStudent Sun 21-Aug-11 17:59:23

Dooh to me, I was doing the "McDonalds McDonalds Kentucky Fried Chicken and Pizza Hut" tune with Holy Shit. (It works quite well actually...)

TrillianAstra Sun 21-Aug-11 18:00:08

"lol aren't men awful lol"

"Actually no, men are not awful and anyone who does act like that is being a bit of a shit human being and shouldn't be allowed to get away with it"

I can't see the conversation going very well unfortunately.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sun 21-Aug-11 18:01:37

I can just about make it work as 'Old Fuck Donald had a farm holy holy shit' etc but that's not in keeping with the OP's dn's version.

What an irritating enchanting little dn you have OP - perhaps singing lessons would be an appropriate birthday gift for her?

muminthemiddle Sun 21-Aug-11 18:03:55


kickassangel Sun 21-Aug-11 18:10:21

send her a link to some of the mn feminists threads.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sun 21-Aug-11 18:14:03

That's a bit harsh angel - surely we don't want the poor woman to keel over from the shock of such an abrupt introduction to emancipation? grin

Teaandcakeplease Sun 21-Aug-11 18:15:16

I feel for you Cheerful grin I'm sure you handle it with more grace than I would. Enjoying the holy shit renditions on here though wink

belgo Sun 21-Aug-11 18:15:34

I think you are probably right, she does enjoy matyrdom, maybe she is happy for her dh to make all of the decisions so she doesn't have to think for herself?

IwoulddoPachacuti Sun 21-Aug-11 18:22:47

Holy shiiit holy shit. Holy holy shiiit

Hmm...almost works!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sun 21-Aug-11 18:28:56

If she's completely immersed herself in Stepfordville, there's not going to be a lot you can do about it except avoid her like the plague smile sweetly and sliently give thanks that you were born with a whole brain and had the nous to nab the pick of the litter, namely, your DH.

Do you have to socialise with these ILs a lot? If so, you have my sympathy as I'd find it very difficult not to resort to deep sarcasm query why she finds it necessary to single out the 'obey' part of her vows when 'til death do us part' is a far more attractive aspect when one of the happy couple is a twunt.

DontGoCurly Sun 21-Aug-11 18:30:09


I have no sympathy for people like your SIL. If she accepts this crap from her husband and kids it's nobodys fault but her own. Wouldn't you just love to tell her to shut up!

I hate the way people like this recount their boring martyr stories as if they are in any way funny or endearing. It grinds my gears as well.

camdancer Sun 21-Aug-11 18:35:48

My FIL does this the whole time. "I'd love to do x but MIL would never let me." "We can never get out of the house before lunch, MIL wouldn't like it." "I can't do <insert hobby>, MIL would never let me." In return, she treats him like a 5 year old. It seems to be the way their relationship works. He seems to like being bossed around and she certainly likes doing the bossing. Drives me insane though, especially when she makes comments about him to me. I don't want to get involved and certainly don't have that type of relationship with DH.

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