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aibu to work part time as youngest is 11... thinking of long summer holidays..in my view i am putting family first

(111 Posts)
slartybartfast Sun 21-Aug-11 12:13:54

what age of your DC is it ok to work full time and let them run ferral?

<<plus i am not so keen on my work colleagues and need a break from them>>

i rarely go off sick, i think because i do work part time, one day off in the middle of the week and 2 days leaving at @ 3 or 4

cjbartlett Sun 21-Aug-11 12:15:47

My dsis children are 15 & 17 and she's still part time
My mum always worked part time until she retired, as did mother in law

TidyDancer Sun 21-Aug-11 12:16:03

Depends on many factors really doesn't it? Financial, potential childcare issues, etc.

If you mean what age is it reasonable to leave them at home alone regularly....I don't know.

Which would you prefer to do?

Dp was a SAHM whilst the girls were in primary school and then worked part time. He still works part time, even though they are now 14 and 16. That way, somebody is around when they are getting ready for school in the mornings AND he keeps the house clean, does the washing (but no ironing!) and has got quite a nice little vegetable patch going in the garden! If I could persuade him to cook dinner every day as well, it would be even better!

We've had to balance the fact that he's there for the girls, with the fact that we have less disposable income but overall it's working well for us.

slartybartfast Sun 21-Aug-11 12:19:49

i prefer to be part time but someone said to me the other day, at my age shock i should be full time, perhaps she was talking of pensions? i didnt say anything about the age of my youngest.
next summer she will be 12.

FabbyChic Sun 21-Aug-11 12:27:22

I worked full time as a single parent from when my eldest was a year old and my youngest five years later at 5 weeks old.

An 11 year old is old enough to be left alone during the holidays.

TrillianAstra Sun 21-Aug-11 12:28:56

I would like it to always be considered ok for anyone (man or woman) to work part-time if working part-time brings in enough money for them to live the lifestyle they want. Whether they have children or not.

aquos Sun 21-Aug-11 12:32:21

I've been a SAHM until now. My two are 10 and 11. I'm going to college to retrain in September, 3 days a week. DH works FT. I hope that at the end of my 2 year course I will be able to get a FT job, which means by 12 and 13 I expect my two to be able to be left during the working week.

cjbartlett Sun 21-Aug-11 12:32:48

I don't think an 11 year old is ok to be left for 6 weeks over the summer
They'd just watch tv all day or go on the xbox or pc
I'd rather be there to shove them out into the fresh air

slartybartfast Sun 21-Aug-11 12:33:41

so i could feasibly become full time <<sigh>>

slartybartfast Sun 21-Aug-11 12:34:05

oops cross posts.
agree with CJB.

<<phew>>

balia Sun 21-Aug-11 12:37:35

People who work full time do not necessarily allow their children to 'run feral', you do know that, right?

I echo Trillian's point - if you can afford to work part-time and be around for the kids then great - if you're expecting the rest of us to pay for your lifestyle, then no, not really.

slartybartfast Sun 21-Aug-11 12:38:59

ouch grin

so what do they do if not run feral?

I'm not planning on going back full-time until my youngest is 15/16 unless it's absolutely financially impossible not to. When I was a teenager I quite liked the fact that my Mum was around if I needed her (she worked in a school) and I'll feel happier doing the same thing with my own.

Some of it will depend on the child however - DS1 hasn't so far been happy to spend a whole day on his own and he's 13, but I think that will change now that DS2 is starting Secondary school (so they'll be off at the same time, and would spend the day together, on their own, if that makes sense)

You have to do what works for you. Don't be pressured by other people's expectations.

Mine are feral even when I'm home with them grin

Meglet Sun 21-Aug-11 12:45:04

I'd stick with PT work.

My mum and dad worked FT when we were kids but we spent all our holidays with our grandparents until we were 13/14.

slartybartfast Sun 21-Aug-11 12:46:41

i always planned to go full time at some point, but some years ago met someone who actually became part time when hers were teenagers shock
she said they needed her more! in different ways,
so i will stick with whatever works for me. grin

slartybartfast Sun 21-Aug-11 12:47:19

Mine are feral even when I'm home with them

pmsl mrsD

Sofabitch Sun 21-Aug-11 12:47:35

A lot of my friends with teenagers have said that is often when they need you more. That it was easier to work full time when they were young. I think everyone should be able to work if they want.

toniguy Sun 21-Aug-11 12:48:30

I think there are two separate issues here. You shouldn't let your children 'run feral' whether you work full time, part time or are unemployed. You supervise them or arrange appropriate care until they are old enough to look After themselves and enjoy the independence of being trusted to be 'home alone'.

As for the work issue, whether you stay part time depends on a whole range of factors - financial pressures, job security of your partner....

The one thing i would say is that it is not your decision alone to make 'for 'the good of the family'- it should be a joint decision with your partner and with children of that age I would also take into account their view- I am not saying you should necessarily allow your kids to dictate your working life, but you may find they have a view on it. I am reminded of a friend who was very reluctant to return to work and cited 'being there for the children' as a reason to stay at home, until her kids actually said 'for goodness sake mum, give us some space, we're fine to look after ourselves for a couple of hours after school!'
So, if you have made a unilateral decision to work part time, then you should discuss it with the family. Also, if you really do not enjoy your job, I would suggest considering new jobs rather than staying part time to avoid having to be there as much. Life is too short to stick in something you don't like.

slartybartfast Sun 21-Aug-11 12:50:13

well 11 is to old for any day care. i think.

coccyx Sun 21-Aug-11 12:51:12

don't think you should leave an 11 year old all summer.
Do you need to work full time. Who cares what work colleagues think

Takitezee Sun 21-Aug-11 12:51:41

I wouldn't want to leave my 11/12 year old to work full time in the holidays. I would say about 14 so you've got a few more years grace yet.

enjoyingscience Sun 21-Aug-11 12:57:07

I don't think there is an age, tbh. One 11yo might behave beautifully, do your washing for you while you're out and go on educational trips all by themselves, another might burn your house down.

If you like working part time, have the support of your family, and aren't going to bankrupt yourself, then do it!

I guess my main worry would be that I might rule myself out of progression/promotions etc, but that might not worry you as much.

worraliberty Sun 21-Aug-11 12:58:14

It's really nothing to do with anyone else. It's down to what suits you and your family as long as you/your DP are providing for them.

I'm a SAHM and my kids are 19yrs, 12yrs and 8yrs.

My DH earns enough for us to live quite comfortably and we both agree there's no point in faffing about with childcare or the kids having to spend the holidays with a CM if we/they don't have to.

We both love the fact I can be there when the kids come home from school and I can be there during their holidays/any other time off.

However, that could change at any time if my DH lost his job or ended up on lower pay.

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