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AIBU?

To not want to go to Pil's every other weekend.

15 replies

Imjustagirl · 20/08/2011 19:49

Just had a row with dh when I told him I would be staying at home and catching up on ironing and having some time on my own tomorrow. We have 2 small kids and used to see pils every weekend for a 5 plus hour visit when first son born. It was too much and so reduced to every other weekend. In the last year or so I have said a number of times that dh should take them on their own. On each occasion I have done a ton of ironing but really enjoyed the peace! In truth I want to attend alternate visits. Dh feels it's embarrassing as obvious I don't want to be with his parents. They are decent people but truthfully I resent giving every other Sunday up. I know they love the kids and the kids love them so happy for dh to take them every other week. Why does offence have to be taken, it's not a personal slight. Why can't my dh and Pil's appreciate I am a full time mum and NEED a break (even if it's a bloody ironing one). My dh doesn't see my parents as often - his work and mine don't so I see mine in the week a lot of the time. Sorry it's long. Dh pointed out I could have ironed today as have has a slob out day. Am I being unreasonable?

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TimeWasting · 20/08/2011 19:53

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but he's not unreasonable to think it will be taken as a snub.
Couldn't your husband take the children out on a Saturday to give you a break, then have Sunday as 'family' day?

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CMOTdibbler · 20/08/2011 19:57

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all - if your dh says to his parents 'oh, Imjustagirl is having a cleaning blitz while the mess makers are out', they'd be v unreasonable to take it as a snub. You will see them once a month, which is more often than a lot of people see their inlaws.

And you deserve to have a slob out day too !

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bibbitybobbityhat · 20/08/2011 19:59

Yanbu.

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Firawla · 20/08/2011 20:03

yanbu as you would still go sometimes, its not like you're saying you will never go and never see them!

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Sofabitch · 20/08/2011 20:03

Yanbu. Your are entitled to some time to yourself. It's not like you are never seeing them.

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HookADuck · 20/08/2011 20:04

Yanbu.

I had a problem with MIL when dd1 was born almost four years ago. Sh went on at dh, who in turn, went on at me. I couldn't see the issue, she was seeing her child and her grandchid, I din't see why I had to be dragged round there every other bloody week as well. Was wose in some ways as dh works till early Saturday afternoon so I was giving up our whole one family day together anyway and she still wasn't happy.

She moaned so much dh doesn't even go there once a fortnight anymore as he can't take the moaning.

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redexpat · 20/08/2011 20:05

YANBU. But have you told DH that you just need a break and some alone time?

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DuelingFanjo · 20/08/2011 20:07

yanbu.

when my fil comes over I end up doing all the making tea, chatting etc so now I have decided to pop out and leave DS with DH and fil and let them get on with it.

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TidyDancer · 20/08/2011 20:07

I don't know. If you had a full-time job outside the home, I'd probably agree with you because I think weekends are more precious when you're away a lot during the week. But I don't think every other weekend is that much really. Could you not just skip the odd one but do most of the visits?

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GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 20/08/2011 20:08

YANBU - and I assume it would be the same if it was your parents expecting fortnightly visits. Tell your DH you need a break. And give him a break too as well of course.

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TidyDancer · 20/08/2011 20:09

P.S. I do admit that my perspective comes from someone who adores her PIL and would happily see them every weekend.

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Imjustagirl · 20/08/2011 20:14

Thanks for the replies. It not just that I want a break from the children once a month, its also that I find twice a month at the inlaws too much and i start feeling resentful. I know that might sound mean, but its true. I know they are good people, but I don't like spending so much time there. Also, its the same old, same old, every weekend. If i suggest a meal out or going somewhere other than their house, they aren't keen. The first time I did an ironing day, it genuinely was because the house work was out of control, (i have a fatigue illness which doesnt help). MIL sent me an email asking me if I had enjoyed my "me time!" I am going to be a MIL to girls and I try and think how I would feel. However, I hope that I would not take offence and would want her to not feel that she had to visit if she did not want to. Perhaps thats unrealistic and i would be upset too.

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EuphemiaMcGonagall · 20/08/2011 20:17

YANBU: I do both sets of GPs by myself with DD, as DH is busy and can't stand my dad or his mother. You play to your strengths, and get on with what you need to. No reason for both of you to have to go.

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Imjustagirl · 20/08/2011 20:18

The "me time" didnt come out right, she made it seem more like i had had a pampering day. Cant remember exact words.

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Imjustagirl · 20/08/2011 20:21

redexpat
DH knows I feel like I need some time alone. He also knows that I am a terrible housewife and that a few hours housework without the kids does make a massive difference. Our youngest just destroys everything in his path or flushes it down the loo!