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for not being over this?

(10 Posts)
extremepie Sat 20-Aug-11 11:10:45

Have posted about this a few times but basically the short version is that I have no school/nursery place for either of my DS's (4 and 3). It seems that unless a minor miracle occurs both of them will be unable to go to school/nursery of any kind for the forseeable future.

The problem is, its the time of year where school stuff is everywhere. Every shop that can is selling 'back to school' stationary, uniforms, lunchboxes, etc.. and it's just getting me so upset because every time I see them it is another slap in the face that my DS's are missing out on all this.

At the moment I feel like come September I'm going to be a sobbing mess because all the other kids will be going to school and my DS' won't.

The worst part is that a good friend of my DH's son has gotten in to the very school that we got turned down for - despite living in Newcastle until July and making a very late application to the school. I know for a fact (I learned it at the appeal hearing) that they specially extended the class size just for him, as the class size is capped at 30 (which is why my DS didn't get in), and he is class member 31. They made an exception for him because he was 'being looked after' and was therefore a priority.

I'm just so angry at the whole situation and unfortunately am taking it out on DH's friend - not directly, I've never said anything to him about it because I know it's not fair but I'm purposely avoiding him because just being around him or his son makes me incandescent with rage, especially if school is mentioned.

I know IABU really but I just don't know how to get over it. Am so frustrated and upset I'm just quietly seething all the time and I don't want to be that bitter, twisted person.

I want to let it go but I don't know how sad

TheOriginalNutcracker Sat 20-Aug-11 11:13:35

Have you checked where you are on the waiting list ??

I know someone who got offered a place 2 days before school was due to start.

LaLaLaLayla Sat 20-Aug-11 11:16:30

We live overseas and were in a similar situation. Our son had no school place and all the schools had waiting lists of 30+. The last school we went to, they just shook their heads and said, "no, sorry, we're not even accepting names to the waiting list anymore".

Anyway, I went home and thought "no... I'm not having it". So I went back and begged, basically. I stressed that it was our local school, we live nearby, we love the school and so much want our son to go there, blah, blah..

Anyway, after all this pushiness and pleading they allowed him to sit the entrance test. He got in!!!

The point is, don't give up. If you are in the UK, go to your local education authority and plead with them. If you still have no luck, then appeal. I once wrote a series of letters for a family who were trying to get their daughter into a particular school (their eldest daughter was already at the school). They eventually relented.

Don't give up.

activate Sat 20-Aug-11 11:19:24

there will be spaces opening up in September too so don't despair too much

although I do feel sorry for you

the reason they can open a place for a looked after child is that they already have the cards stacked against them - remember that your children have a stable loving home and you and this will not damage them in the long room

extremepie Sat 20-Aug-11 11:25:24

I have been to appeal and lost sad I pretty much knew I would as appeals area about 98% unsuccessful at reception level, or so I was told.

We are currently 4th on list for 1 school, 23rd for the other (almost a whole class!).

Unfortunately the class sizes for both of these schools is capped at 30 so I'm not sure begging will have any affect (otherwise I probably would have already done it!), as they can't admit any more children unless some leave.

I keep wondering if there is something else I could have or should have done, feel so guilty over the whole thing, like I have failed my DS' sad

DogsBestFriend Sat 20-Aug-11 11:38:33

As I understand it, unless the law has changed, although an LA must provide an education for a child the argument is that because full time education is only a legal obligation from the first term after the child's 5th birthday you don't currently have a right to demand that he is given a school place.

If it's any comfort, I come from the other side of the issue - neither of my children went to nursery and my elder child has home educated until nearly 6 (then again at a later stage, but that's by the by).

It may have driven me spare sometimes as mine are similarly close in age but my children certainly didn't suffer in the least from not experiencing early formal education/nursery.

You haven't failed at all, you're merely constrained by education law. There's nothing you can do about it until your elder child is just turned 5 but the chances are that something would have turned up by then anyway.

neddle Sat 20-Aug-11 12:23:06

It's possible that come the first few days of term, a few children may not turn up. They might have moved away or accepted a place at another school, without telling the one you're looking at.

They may have a place for him then?

Mandy2003 Sat 20-Aug-11 14:21:07

It is the law that "looked after" children will come top of any school admissions, and that class sizes must be extended to accommodate them if necessary.

I am intrigued to know how your DH's friend's son actually falls into the "looked after" category, is it simply because he's living with his Dad (you said he'd come down from Newcastle - is that where his Mum lives?)

If living with your Dad is enough to put a child in the "looked after" category, I wished I'd known that when DS was reception age!

MissBetsyTrotwood Sat 20-Aug-11 14:28:19

So the LA gave your DS1 no school at all? Or one that wasn't going to work for you?

I know around here there is lots of movement in classes and waiting lists over the reception year and loads of kids have got into schools in Y1 that they had no hope of for reception. Good luck.

extremepie Sat 20-Aug-11 14:56:22

Basically DH's friend's son was being looked after because his mum (who lived in newcastle) was not able to look after him and he was taken into care. He is now living with his Dad and grandparents and is no longer being 'looked after'.

We did get offered a school place but at a school that was completely unsuitable and it would not have been do-able to get his there every day sad

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