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Cunting Arse-buggery Utovlan

(40 Posts)
PerAr6ua Fri 19-Aug-11 20:03:43

So. Men can land on the moon. 65 year olds can get pregnant. But there's no way of stopping an 18 day period apart from stupid fucking hormones that take 2 days to work, 4 days to turn you into a homicidal maniac and 2 days after you stop (for the safety of everyone around you) you get the worst period you've had in years. We're talking rusty knives in the c-section scar.

Cunting bastards.

PerAr6ua Fri 19-Aug-11 20:04:51

AND I've got a fucking cold. Fucking DH. And took fucking day nurse so I can't take the good codeine stuff fpr another 2 hours. Fuckers.

bibbitybobbityhat Fri 19-Aug-11 20:05:05

deep deep sympathies


PerAr6ua Fri 19-Aug-11 20:08:10

thank you bibbity. Am topping up on wine as I daren't risk an anti-inflammatory without lots of food.

And that's another fucking arsing thing.

Anti-inflammatories. I'm not supposed to take them, Cos my bloody bastard (love him mostly) father passed on a low fibronynogyn (SP?) count. The bastard.

Bloody hell. Are the powers that be getting to the bottom of the ever lasting period? <hands OP humungous bottle of wine, hot water bottle and bucket of maltesers>

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch Fri 19-Aug-11 20:12:05

sorry, have not much idea what is ailing you, but it sounds 'orrible.

If it's not entirely irrelevant, can I suggest Mirena, for having no periods at all (8 years of no periods)

Disregard if this is irrelevant

Oh Lord NOOOOOOO don't eat the chocolate.

You'll then be on the rag AND feel fat.

I speak as an ex-Dianette user many moons ago, and still remember well the rabid and mouth-frothing RAGES it used to put me in, out of NOWHERE, and that fucked up my hormones well and truly.

Poor you. But I'm not giving you 'hun' or 'hugs' or anything, in case you come at me brandishing a knife. Cos I wouldn't blame you if you did...

But you do have my sincere sympathies.

stripeywoollenhat Fri 19-Aug-11 20:14:40

more wine, more wine... hope it stops soon.

weegiemum Fri 19-Aug-11 20:15:07

Or you could suggest Mirena for 2 yeara of no periods and then a nice chunky baby!

She's 7, I love her to bits, but fuck I wasn't expecting that diagnosis when I went to the doctor saying I'd been sick every day for 3 weeks!

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch Fri 19-Aug-11 20:15:36

ooops weegie

LineRunner Fri 19-Aug-11 20:18:42

Well, <reaching for norethisterone to be washed down with 'cidre'> I have to agree. Since I started having to take these pesky little tablets my life has gone from shit to shite.

What shall we do? We could rise up against Not-Terribly-Useful-Science (bombs, irons, oil tankers) and rally bravely for Quite-Useful-Science (wine, 'cidre' [at a push] and ladies' curative pastilles).

<shakes fist at world>

PerAr6ua Fri 19-Aug-11 20:19:20

I love chikcens shave...

Powers investigated a few years ago and found nothing. Doctor ( i luff him I do) now saying'well that was a few years ago, maybe we should look again'.

But after a hormone test he wants to check my thyroid. So I had a test on Tues and have to wait till mon for the result. And I'll be on a canal boat for a week and not able to interrogate any professionals but google.


But he did suggest mirena. And apparently the pill that#s closest to mirena that I tried (on my sodding arsing twin's recommendation a few years go that bled me dry) isn't actually as bad as that sodding arsing pill. So might try it.


GetAwayFromHerYouBitch Fri 19-Aug-11 20:21:12

honestly - no periods is GREAT

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch Fri 19-Aug-11 20:21:41

but I don't have to tell you that, even though I just did

Foggles Fri 19-Aug-11 20:23:06

Sounds like you are having a shit time sad

<Offers wine intravenously to prevent any need to stop to take a breath>

PerAr6ua Fri 19-Aug-11 20:33:49

AND ANOTHER THING. Why do netbooks close down at 7 fucking percent? That's loads. Would've allowed me to finish my last fucking post which thanked everybody involved so far...

So, in brief, weegie - will try if I can't get a hysterectomy or oopherectomy (sp?).

Linerunner. Yes.

Getaway. Thank you. I'm drinking white and pissing burgundy (tmi)

Foggles. Thank you. DH gone for pizza, although we have proper food int he fridge. It's only been 10 years but he's nearly trained.

PerAr6ua Fri 19-Aug-11 20:35:35

I'm so fucking ANGRY.

Nearly as angry as when I was taking the fucking utovlan. Which actually scared me - I really wasn't sure my blood pressure could take it and I never made it over 70 when I was pregnant.

And breathe....

LineRunner Fri 19-Aug-11 20:38:38

Bless you, bless you. And best of luck.

I bottled out of going for Mirena. The 'specially trained GP' made it sound like she was going to rip my fanjo from here to eternity. BOOMING VOICE: "Now this isn't a COMFORTABLE procedure!" Did she mean for her, maybe?

PerAr6ua Fri 19-Aug-11 20:41:03

Missed a couple. Stripy and lost. Yes, it's shit getting fat. All the chocolate (iron) cravings etc (am vege - doesn't help).

Half of me's hoping it is the hpothyroid thing - where I take one pil a day and instantly lose wight, stop muscle ache etc.

Half of me's thinking Oh shit I've got to tkae a pill every day or it gets worse And that fucks me even worse than being short-sighted for a zombie invasion (they only do long-sight specs without prescription - what the fuck is the point? Can't even loot Boots when civilisation goes tits up)

PerAr6ua Fri 19-Aug-11 20:43:56

Linerunner - really don't care re comfortable procedures. Esp as last smear had to be done twice as temp nurse forgot to label within 1 sec and data protection forbad the labelling of that one solitary test at the end of the day.


I'm so enjoying the swearing.

Cunting fuckers.

PerAr6ua Fri 19-Aug-11 20:53:10

This laptop is SHIT. I'm trying to talk to leningrad on twitter and it's not co-operating AT ALL.

Nailitorelse Fri 19-Aug-11 20:53:26

I think perhaps you are being a tad unreasonable. Just try and remember the pain and suffering DH has to go through weekly, when he has to do his Saturday morning chore of cutting the grass which takes him 37 minutes on average I believe!
By focusing on his suffering you should be able to put yours to one side!!

AfternoonDelight Fri 19-Aug-11 20:58:55

My deepest sympathies

(though I would like to point out Mirena doesn't stop everyone's periods - mine didn't change at all)

PerAr6ua Fri 19-Aug-11 21:01:24

Am I allowed to report Nailtorese for competitive misery and having a hige lawn?

And AD - I want specific details of your physiognomy so I can compare. Aibu?

PerAr6ua Fri 19-Aug-11 21:01:51

huge. <cough>

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