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To have said no to MIL's request?

(62 Posts)
MilaMae Fri 19-Aug-11 17:06:00

The request being to stand on a station platform,pay a fortune for parking and wait an hour minimum with the dc (7,7 and 6)for mil and fil to arrive on a first class steam train(which is always hopelessly late).

The request then entails going to a British Rail equivalent cafe on the platform with said dc and inlaws to while away 2 hours whilst my twin boys manage to consume vast quantities of sugar sachets and tease my dd mercilessly because all 3 are bored out of their brains.

We're then supposed to troop back and hang around for an hour minimum(it's always late returning)to wave said inlaws off as they tuck into their gourmet 4 course dinner en route to their plush 2 night hotel in Padstow(I think).

They live in London ,we live in Devon so mil thinks it's a good op for quality time which is actually code for us entertaining her during their 2 hour stop over.

Background info-Mil generally refuses to leave her garden in the summer and travel at all in the winter(for fear of being snowed in from Nov until March) hmm.She will visit Devon during Easter only.We visit them as much as we can but it's slightly limited due to fuel costs.

Mil books said luxury train trips willy nilly,announces the date with no consultation and we're all expected to scuttle over.Last year sil and family trooped over from Somerset.We had 5 kids between us all under 8 trapped on a platform for hours-it was hell.

This little joyfest is supposed to take place the Sunday afternoon before the kids return to school.

DD,DP,dtwin 2 and I hate f***ing steam trains.Dtwin 1 and inlaws love them.

Sil has cleverly now moved and citing distance as a reason not to attend.She's been let off,dp has finally seen the light and said no(thank god)-he's in trouble.I think she cried.He feels shit but determined.

So are we being unreasonable????

southeastastra Fri 19-Aug-11 17:08:18

blimey no, can you fake a kids party on the same afternoon?

EuphemiaMcGonagall Fri 19-Aug-11 17:09:04


Tell them you have other plans.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch Fri 19-Aug-11 17:12:09

You are busy that afternoon

I like the sound of that train though

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Fri 19-Aug-11 17:14:31

Why don't they book for you all to go with them? That would solve the problem.

OTheHugeRaveningWolef Fri 19-Aug-11 17:16:41

Probably risky to claim your DC have a prior invitation unless they're old enough to be trained in the art of effective lying.

Best to organise a trip somewhere the DC will love, and claim it's been booked for ages. That way your MIL can't insist without making her grandchildren cry.


2shoes Fri 19-Aug-11 17:18:34

yanbu to say ....anything to get out of it

MrsKwazii Fri 19-Aug-11 17:18:35

Sounds awful! You've tried it, it's a nightmare so no YANBU. Would you be willing to meet them somewhere close to the station instead where the children can play and you can get something to eat and drink? (If there is such a place?)

Winetimeisfinetime Fri 19-Aug-11 17:19:36

Yanbu but if you felt you needed to compromise as mil is upset then Lying Witch's suggestion of them booking for you to go with them sounds better than the original plan. Or they could phone you when they get to to cafe, to meet them there, which would cut out a lot of the waiting around.

milkshakejake Fri 19-Aug-11 17:20:34

We have family like this who expect us to arrange our lives (with three children) around them. It is highly annoying and stressful and I wish i had the nerve to tell them to shove it. I usually make wimpy excuses which they sidestep very easily and i end up doing what they want in the end for a quiet life.
Please tell me she at least pays for the drinks/cake in the cafe?

Lonnie Fri 19-Aug-11 17:20:42

they live in London you live in Devon and mil wont leave her garden in Summer time but is now and wishes to see her grandchildren? You dont wish to see her?.

By all means dont do so but yes I think YABU its 1 afternoon dont allow the kids to eat sugar suggest a picnic instead so they can run around and enjoy the fact your inlaws are interested in your children.

MilaMae Fri 19-Aug-11 17:21:32

Too late for lies(my favoured option)dp gently tried to explain why it's not a must do activity for us and that with the start of the new school term the next day we're not that keen on dealing with 3 bored,fractious,grime covered kids on our return home that afternoon.

Lying they're in London,we're in Devon where the train has a break for 2 hours.We're supposed to be the inflight entertainmenthmm.

PorkChopSter Fri 19-Aug-11 17:29:32

So she sees it as coming to visit you?

I'd cry off for the school reason alone - any other time I'd suck it up (whilst pointing out how inconvenient it was)

MilaMae Fri 19-Aug-11 17:29:42

Lonnie due to the train always arriving late we often end up with less than 2 hours in the middle so impossible to go anywhere but the platform.You also have to be there for when it continues it's journey.Even though the 2 hours in the middle are eaten up you have to be on the platform for the return time even though it has been as long as 2 and more hours wait.If it turned up and they weren't there they'd be in the shit.It's basically one long train wait albeit a steam one-woo hoo!!!

They're welcome to visit anytime they want but don't so an all day train wait is the only thing on offer.We visted them in May,they came for their annual Easter visit.We'll shlep up in Sep and Dec prob.

Has anybody got kids who would enjoy spending the best part of a day waiting for trains on an overcrowded train platform??

DorisIsAPinkDragon Fri 19-Aug-11 17:30:08

She should have consulted before she made the booking YANBU maybe next time she will see if you are freee to meet up somewhere other than a drafty station platform (my idea of HELL).

It won't hurt her to learen to be a little more considerate, she might get a better response next time...

fifitrixibellesmith Fri 19-Aug-11 17:31:38

just pick her up from station at arrival, go for picnic in nearby park, take her back to catch return train

dont make a drama out of a crisis

LadyClariceCannockMonty Fri 19-Aug-11 17:31:55

'Sorry but we're busy that day. In future, just run the date you're thinking of coming by us in advance so we can co-ordinate.'

MilaMae Fri 19-Aug-11 17:34:53

There are no parks nearby.The 7 of us have to squash into our car and drive to the city centre,the only thing you can do if you get the full 2 hours.You can't risk going further incase they miss getting back on it,seriously it's a major bloody stressfest and utterly,utterly pointless.

If it's late you can't go anywhere but still have to wait,and wait........

pictish Fri 19-Aug-11 17:35:54

I agree with Fifi

I fail to see what the big deal is? They live miles and miles away and all they want is couple of hours of your company, for the first time in a few months?

No idea why you're so averse to it. It's a tiny chunk out of your time!

Ragwort Fri 19-Aug-11 17:36:51

Why can't DP and Twin1 go on their own to meet them - no need to make excuses for the rest of you, you are all individuals and don't have to come as a package lot - after all it is DP's parents - he can just say 'I've bought DT1 to see you as he loves the steam trains so much' smile.

MilaMae Fri 19-Aug-11 17:37:26

They could get off their backsides and pay for train tickets on a normal train with Joe Public and come and stay for a week anytime they choose.They choose not to.

pictish Fri 19-Aug-11 17:38:57

I still think you're being stubborn over what to me, seems a reasonable enough request.

EuphemiaMcGonagall Fri 19-Aug-11 17:39:18

What rubbish - it's hours and hours of young kids being expected to hang about, behave well despite not being able to run about, and be entertaining performing seals for their GPs.

Fuck that. YANBU. Again. grin

bananamam Fri 19-Aug-11 17:39:24

Did I miss the bit as to why you need to wait at the station for an hour before they arrive??

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch Fri 19-Aug-11 17:41:33

It would get my back up too. It's all for their convenience and taking no account of how awkward it is for you - although do they know it's awkward for you?

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