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in wondering whether to send cousin gift for forthcoming wedding- not invited!

(15 Posts)
Bumblequeen Thu 18-Aug-11 23:53:48

My cousin is a few years younger than me. We grew up together but she is closer to my younger sister. Her wedding will take place this autumn and I have not received an invitation. My sister and mother have been invited to the whole day though. To be fair I have not seen my cousin in over a year and she probably would prefer close friends to be there rather than distant family members. Obviously I felt bad about this as I will miss her big day and my heart will sink when the photographs are placed on Facebook.

I have been feeling very much 'on the edge' but think it would be nice to send a gift of some sort. I will leave it until a few days before wedding otherwise it will look as though I am trying to push for an invitation.

There is no history between us, just we are no longer close. This does not make me feel any better though!

What do you think?

squeakytoy Thu 18-Aug-11 23:57:20

I would just send a card.

Bumblequeen Fri 19-Aug-11 00:02:17

I am probably being too generous !

Thanks for your suggestion.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 19-Aug-11 00:02:47

Do you have other siblings? If not, IMO your cousin is being insensitive in inviting your dm and dsis but failing to invite you to her wedding.

Nevertheless, a beautiful card and a small gift/gift token would be a lovely generous gesture on your part and I would suggest you post them to her (i.e don't give it to your dm/ds to hand over when they attend the wedding) a week or so before the date of the ceremony.

DontGoCurly Fri 19-Aug-11 00:03:15

Yep, just a card.

Bumblequeen Fri 19-Aug-11 00:04:40

No it is just my sister and I who grew up with my cousin. I have half siblings but she does not know them.

FabbyChic Fri 19-Aug-11 00:05:48

Surely when a wedding is taking place you invite people you SEE not distant relatives you have had no contact with for god knows how long. I hate weddings that invite the auntie from the other end of the country because it is the done thing to do.

It's ridiculous.

zipzap Fri 19-Aug-11 00:17:39

depends on the reason for not being in contact. If it's just because you are all busy now and live in different places then actually it is quite easy not to see people that you still feel quite close to for a year or more.

Do you know for sure that you are not invited? I didn't receive an invite to a wedding that was my close childhood family friend / son of my godmother. was really surprised as my mum and sister had both been invited, couldn't think of any good reason why I was left out.

When my mum rsvp-ed to my godmother (her best friend of ages) she was asked if she knew if my sister and / or I would be coming too so she said that I hadn't had an invite and they were all 'oh no, it was sent with all the others'.

It finally turned up 4 weeks after it was originally sent (and after the replacement one was sent through when they discovered I hadn't had one) - and somebody had written on it 'this is the 3rd time this has been delivered to xxx address, please ensure it is delivered correctly to the address on the envelope!' - it had been addressed correctly, think it was just a sloppy postman and it had been sorted into the pigeon hole above/below mine at the sorting office and they didn't notice. Thank goodness the people it was delivered to did - but it did make me wonder how many other things that I didn't know about were sent to the wrong place and never made it to me... (dreams - there might be that million pound cheque out there floating around for me.. grin)

Any way you could get your mum to diplomatically find out if you have been invited but the invite gone astray?

usualsuspect Fri 19-Aug-11 00:24:40

I wouldn't send anything

WilsonFrickett Fri 19-Aug-11 00:50:03

I once threw a hen night in my house for a friend who was a bit weirdy not keen on going out. My wedding invitation then went astray and it wasn't till I threw a total passive-agressive stropfest at the bridesmaid (mutual friend) that it all got sorted out with regards to invites getting lost in the post. I think I ended up with 3 invitations in the end. And doing a reading at the wedding grin so I would just double-check your invite status...

MadamDeathstare Fri 19-Aug-11 01:04:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skybluepearl Fri 19-Aug-11 07:45:16

can you quietly check thro relative about the invite but send a nice card anyway. it might be that she has had to invite a limited number of people. does she have lots of family and friends and a tight budget?

itisnearlysummer Fri 19-Aug-11 08:05:10

Just a card. They might feel guilty if you send a gift too. Or think that you are making a point.

lurkerspeaks Fri 19-Aug-11 08:22:03

I've sent gifts to people whose wedding I wasn't invited too because I was genuinely happy for them and wanted to give them something.

We all know weddings are difficult in terms of numbers. I wouldn't hold not being invited by someone you rarely see against them and if you want to send a gift do so.

I would however, perhaps, get your Mum/ sister to discretely sound out if you truly haven't been invited as I too have been victim of invitation lost in the post syndrome which I was fuming about as I had had a save the date and had arranged my work commitments to suit so to then apparently not be invited was a bit much. It was of course, all a big mistake.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Fri 19-Aug-11 08:29:58

I agree if you want to send a card and and gift do so.

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