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To be annoyed that my mother only ever things up to demand to know when I'm going to bring the children over

(4 Posts)
InfinityButNotBeyond Thu 18-Aug-11 19:02:19

So this is the content of every phone conversation ever initiated by my mother (excluding only the time she rang up to tell me that B and SiL had had a baby)

Mother: So how are you
Me: <doesn't matter>
Mother: that's good. And how is DH?
Me: <anything I like>
Mother: Oh right. And how are the children?
Me: <perhaps should say they'd been eaten by tigers>
Mother: So I was just wondering if you were going to bring the children over some day soon?
Me: <is railroaded into suggesting a date>
Mother: Oh well, that'll be lovely to see you, bye then.

Actually she does sometimes spend about 1 minute more on small talk.

So she's rung up today and left a message on the machine and I just know it's going to be a demand to see the children before she and my dad go away on holiday (on bank holiday weekend). There will be no genuine interest in me, no attempt to chat, just a demand to see the GC.

She lives about 30 minutes away and we tend to see her once a fortnight - which I think is pretty frequent for that distance and school age DC.

I am tempted not to ring back, but will only cause more aggravation. Am I just a glorified taxi driver now?!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Thu 18-Aug-11 19:44:37

It's nice that she loves your children so much. When you find it annoying, try to remember that she loves them because they are yours. You are her child. She only feels so much for these children because of you.

Pick a random child off the street. Would she be ringing their parents up like this?

So although it's annoying, it might make it easier if you keep telling yourself that.

And why not tell her how you feel? Just tell her. Life is so much easier when people just say how they feel rather than fume and hide it. You never know, things might actually change if you tell someone how you feel whereas they never will if you don't.

Ragwort Thu 18-Aug-11 19:47:22

Do you ring your mum up and ask her about herself? Do you take her out for a coffee/lunch - just the two of you and have a good chat together? Do you ever go to the cinema/shopping/swimming (insert whatever you both enjoy) - together? Relationships are a two way thing. Perhaps she thinks that you aren't interested in her?

zipzap Thu 18-Aug-11 20:13:45

Ring her back but make syr when she asks how you are you say you can't believe how busy you are going to be in the next couple of weeks.

Then when she asks when you can go and visit, you can kill two birds with one stone and say 'weren't you listening just now? I just said that we were already booked up until the end of the holidays, we'll have to arrange to meet up when you get back, why don't I give you a ring when you are back to sort something out when we all know how we are, how the kids have settled back into school etc'.

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