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To Find it Odd that 50+ Male Friend Doesn't Suspect Menopause as PC of His Similar Age DPs Outrageous Moodiness?

(23 Posts)
rockinhippy Thu 18-Aug-11 13:30:26

Just that really, but will give a bit of background to pad it out a bit smile

Very old & dear Male friend lives with his DP & where as she's always been a bit of a difficult & odd (IMO) character considering her age - very teen outlook for a Woman of 50 confused & wher as for friends sake I will happily be polite & make her welcome I do find her very hard work sad

She really does rule the roost (even though he insist not) & is becoming more & more possessive & where as I don't agree with interfering in their relationship as such, I do worry for him a bit as over the years she is pushing more & more of his friends away - recently causing a big bust up with friends of over 30+ years - & last time I saw them it became very apparent that it had only just dawned on her that I was friends with "her Man" independently of my DH - IYSWIM (we've both known him for 30 odd year) - she got quite bristly with me & quizzed my like a Police interrogation - very obviously implying she thought I'd slept with him in the past shock - she's even done the same with a mutual Lesbian friend confused

& where as I think in part its just her personalityhmm its DEFINITELY getting worse as she gets older -- I can't contact her directly, as she thinks the internet is the Devils spawn - if I'm honest I don't want to ring her, as I don't want to get into a situation where she thinks I'm her best buddy, because we are not & won't be as she is just too different in her out look to me -

so I e-mailed said friend a bit of info about a magnetic gadget I am finding really helping with perimenopause symptoms, & now several other of our friends are also trying & think its great as it works smile

He came back with a very brusque & dismissive e-mail - you might need that early, but I can tell you for nothing it does not apply to XX confused

AIBU to think he is in complete denial shock

squeakytoy Thu 18-Aug-11 13:33:59

Perhaps she has already gone through the menopause.

worraliberty Thu 18-Aug-11 13:35:59

YABU and very rude to send that email to him.

You clearly don't like the woman and if he's as close to you as you say, he'll know that.

If she finds out about it, all hell will no doubt break loose.

rockinhippy Thu 18-Aug-11 13:49:58

worralibery I clearly don't like the woman isn't righthmm as I said I have always made her very welcome & made a real effort with her -

I just find things like - not coming out of a bedroom or allowing anyone to see you, when staying with friends - until FULLY made up, hair coifed & dressed a bit odd in someone that age - much more recently I did however take offence at being cornered & accused of sleeping with her DP - I also take offence at being cornered & pretty much told I had to agree with her for forcing our friend to cut all ties with one of his closest & oldest friends & she was pushing me to blow up on her & was visibly FUMING when I got out of the situation by inviting 2 others to sit with us & on & on - I should add we don't live in the same town since they got together & see them on visits - out of our old set, who DO still all live in the same town, we are the only ones she still allows him to see

these are all more recent changes that have left me feeling hmm about her, but previously I have not had a problem with her personally & do always take people as I find them, even if she is very different to me --- really not sure why its rude to try & help an old & dear friend who is clearly struggling with his DP moodinesshmm

rockinhippy Thu 18-Aug-11 13:52:02

No squeaky from previous conversations with her, I know she struggles with PMT & period pain etc, so she's not there yet so to speak

worraliberty Thu 18-Aug-11 13:55:23

Making someone feel welcome and making an effort with them, is totally different to liking them.

It seems to me your friend is insulted at the insinuation his DP's personality is down to menapause in your view, purely because you don't like her.

And I can't say I blame him.

rockinhippy Thu 18-Aug-11 13:59:03

Bollocks!!! worraliberty you are making an awful lot of assumptions based on nothing more that your own opinion, not on what I've written here & it has absolutely NOTHING to do with my actual question

FTR I used to like her, but I am rapidly going off her wink

MynameisnotEarl Thu 18-Aug-11 13:59:05

It's none of your business and I also think you were very rude.

rockinhippy Thu 18-Aug-11 14:00:08

& PS - might come as a revelation to you, but theres no rule in life that says you have to like everyone anyway wink

worraliberty Thu 18-Aug-11 14:04:26

Ignoring your rudeness for a second * Also wondering if this magnetic gadget is right for you from your response *

To answer your question, No I don't think he's in complete denial.

Presumably his partner and possibly himself, would know more about whether she is menopausal than you would.

And I agree, there are no rules in life that say you have to like everyone.

rockinhippy Thu 18-Aug-11 14:15:02

grin that made me giggle worra - no I'm finding it great smile

my response wasn't in any genuine anger, just forthright speaking IYSWIM & taking offence to being accused of disliking & having it in for someone so to speak, when nothing could be further from the truth I was actually trying to help THEM, based on him talking with both me & DH about how fed up he is of her moods, poor guy is worn out by it - & shes lost 2 jobs recently as a direct result of her attitude, so he is also having to support her financially, but he loves her to pieces & wants to make it work, but is struggling big time & losing more & more friends over her - he is like a DB to me, as we all lived very closely together for a lot of years

Mumwithadragontattoo Thu 18-Aug-11 14:15:25

I think you are rude and interfering as well as unreasonable.

rockinhippy Thu 18-Aug-11 14:20:31

should have added - Peri-menopase can hit very early - I've friends who have been dealing with it since their late 30s, apparently (I'm told by GP) it usually last for years - 8 - 10 or more, but obviously it doesn't affect everyone as badly as it does some - so at 50, it would make sense that it is a consideration as a cause for her moodiness & other symptoms, such as skin problems, etcconfused

worraliberty Thu 18-Aug-11 14:23:46

I was actually trying to help THEM, based on him talking with both me & DH about how fed up he is of her moods, poor guy is worn out by it

If that part had been in your OP, my response might have been different.

The fact it wasn't, made it look like you just emailed him out of the blue....and that is obviously very rude.

rockinhippy Thu 18-Aug-11 14:29:04

blush oh gawd NO worra that would have been very rude - I can see now that I didn't give enough info blush - I was trying to give a bit of background without writing my usual novel - makes sense now you point that out, reading back my OP why would anyone know just because he is an old & dear friend that he WOULD have talked to us - me in particular actually as he wanted a female POV

cat64 Thu 18-Aug-11 14:29:34

Message withdrawn

worraliberty Thu 18-Aug-11 14:38:32

Lol I retract what I said then and apologise

I had a mental image of him clicking on his email and a message from you saying "Here...give the moody bitch a bracelet" grin

rockinhippy Thu 18-Aug-11 14:47:26

confused shock

my question wasn't was I being rude confused - I'm dealing with the situation here, rather than reading a few lines on the net - so I KNOW I wasn't being rude - especially as we'd had a pretty long heart to heart on the phone over this the day before, so my attempt at help WASN"T unsolicited

- though I can see now that I wasn't clear in that, so do understand why that stance has been taken - may have given a similar reply myself - but that wasn't my question

my actual question was - AIBU to think that at 50 PM/M symptoms should be considered as a cause of this sort of moodiness/mood swings/increasing possessiveness etc etc & he's a bit in denial for thinking otherwise ?? - not was I being rude hmm

booyhoo Thu 18-Aug-11 14:49:35

totally over stepped the mark IMO.

some people are just moody bastards (i am), some people are extremely posessive/jealous, some are very vain.

i cant for the life of me think what made you jump to the conclusion that this woman ws going through the menopause and even worse is that you didn't even offer her the help you say you were giving, you went to her partner.

if you say you wantto help someone, you help them, you dont have secret emails with their partner discussing their general health and stages of life. how patronising of you.

i woul be furious if someone did that to me under the guise of 'helping' her menopause is her business, not yours. if her partner thinks she needs to look into treatments for it then he will say to her. ife doesn't then that's his choice. you need to stay out of it.

rockinhippy Thu 18-Aug-11 14:49:47

I had a mental image of him clicking on his email and a message from you saying "Here...give the moody bitch a bracelet

Think I just wet myself laughing at that grin - mind you I call it my "Fanny Magnet" - that would have read even better - "here give the bitch a fanny magnet" grin

booyhoo Thu 18-Aug-11 14:55:32

ok,ignore my last post now. that you have clarified a few things it seems clear he came to you for advice.

onto your question. no it does't seem odd. as i said, some people are moody, some are possessive/jealous etc. he knows her better than you so he will know if her behaviour is excessively out of character. also bear in mind that while he comes to you to talk, he may not be telling you everything so there could be somethings you aren't aware of that could explain why he knowsfor sure sh isn't going through the menopause.

Highlander Thu 18-Aug-11 14:56:43

It's really and absolutely none of your business. The fact that his email reply was 'brusque' would imply that you are being a bit interfering.

rockinhippy Fri 19-Aug-11 02:18:01

onto your question. no it does't seem odd. as i said, some people are moody, some are possessive/jealous etc. he knows her better than you so he will know if her behaviour is excessively out of character. also bear in mind that while he comes to you to talk, he may not be telling you everything so there could be somethings you aren't aware of that could explain why he knowsfor sure sh isn't going through the menopause

Good Points booyhoo Thanks - - we - as in all his friends are seeing her become more jealous, possessive etc, but it could well be that she's always been that way, just feeling confident enough in him to show her true colours with the rest of us - IYSWIM - hence why I wonder M or PM - I did make a point of letting him know I wasn't singling her out, & that I was sharing the info with a lot of my girl friends - hell I even posted it on my facebook, as realise its something a lot are embarrassed to talk, or don't know about Peri M- so suffer in silence for years, so I thought what the hell - I'm not proud - lol _ I was surprised at the positive response it got - from a few male friends too - lol - perhaps thats why I didn't feel it was so out of place to pass the info on to his DP, via him ---that & him talking to me about her moodiness of course

got to admit he always does seem to go for women like that - he last long term DP had him jumping through hoops & finally cut him off from ALL of his friends for years, so possessive she would even make him face the wall in restaurants so he couldn't look at other women shock - weirdly he seemed to revel in it - until she ran off with another Guy & took him for a large chunk of his house sad

Highlander there is more updated after my OP- I realise my first post didn't have enough info - so now expecting the flaming - it wasn't unsolicited advice - he had spoken with me the day before about it

but that said, if one of DHs similar aged friends had passed on something like this to me , I really wouldn't have a problem with it - I would have been pleased as punch if it worked - oh well , were all different I suppose [shrug]

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