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to quietly seeth at the way my ex behaves

(17 Posts)
OnlyWantsOne Wed 17-Aug-11 14:14:38

we have a bad history, DV etc

court cases later, he has access when agreed by me, no contact order

today he had DD for the morning - he pays no maintenance, I asked him to help me out financially for travel, as ive been driving her to and from contact everyother weekend for nearly a year - he said he'd give me £10 for my petrol today

when i go to take her, he doesnt give money, says no cash - i drop it as dont want to mention it / upset DD

when i picked her up, still no cash

(he brings along the kids his partner child minds, do you think thats odd? I do)

So I text him when I got home to say next time he sees DD, could he give a cheque to DP for the money he said he would give me, his responce "I'll think about it"

The CSA havent got any money from him since Jan as apparently out of work, and yet today he was driving a logo'd vehicle....

what a fucking arse

icooksocks Wed 17-Aug-11 14:16:57

yanbu-he's an arse. No money-no takey as far as I'm concerned, especially as he isn't providing maintenance either.

OnlyWantsOne Wed 17-Aug-11 14:19:20

why should I fork out travel every time he clicks his fingers?

I had agreed he could see her every other saturday (got a flaming from pro-dad lot on here about how she should see him more etc) because i am terrified he will take me to court and cost me yet more thousands of pounds i dont have

fuck it, hes a controlling bastard

rahhh

BoysAreLikeDogs Wed 17-Aug-11 14:19:56

I would be REALLY concerned about the fact that he brings the children minded by his girlfriend - does the girlfriend come too?

Can you return to court and get access at a Children's Centre or similar, to cut down on the travelling you are forking out for?

OnlyWantsOne Wed 17-Aug-11 14:21:55

his partner is a child minder, he brought along one of the mindees today (for the journey, we met half way today unlike normal when we meet at a town different from both our home towns)

his partner wasnt with him no, just the mindee and the girl friend's son

deariedearieme Wed 17-Aug-11 14:23:16

dearie dearie me

why dont you

a) dob gf into ofsted for letting him take mindees
b) dob him into company whose van he is driving as i am sure he wouldnt be insured to cart kids abouts

boudiccasSideKick Wed 17-Aug-11 14:24:56

This is a hard one isn't it. I didn't get much from my DP for my DS but made my mind up I was solely doing the dropping off thing (taking DS to Wales etc.) for my DS. If your child enjoys seeing daddy maybe be the bigger person and just do what you have to do.

Not having a go at all by the way but it was the only way I could deal with the money battle thing.

JanMorrow Wed 17-Aug-11 14:26:00

I take it he has had a CRB check for being around the mindees?

Did you see what the logo said on the van?

icooksocks Wed 17-Aug-11 14:26:47

The pro-dad lot generally havent been in the situation where the father in question is an arsehole [speaks from bitter experience].
Yes of course 90% of the time children should have regular access, but I was the one who used to take her to him, pick her up at the end of access and then clean her up because she'd wet/messed herself because he couldnt be arsed to take her to the toilet angry and NO he didnt bother paying any money either!
Maybe I'm not the best person to ask.

ShoutyHamster Wed 17-Aug-11 14:37:01

Don't take her.

Travel money up front, or - he's welcome to see her, but he can travel himself. There is no reason you should FUND his access!

He'll 'think about' giving you a cheque? Right, for that little piece of controlling nonsense, dob him in. Find out from the logo where he's working, tell the CSA, tell Ofsted about the mindees situation (their parents won't know about this, he will not have been CRB checked - that is really out of order!) and tell the workplace you know he's been transporting children who are officially at their childminders, so at a place of work already in their works van.

OnlyWantsOne Wed 17-Aug-11 14:39:46

Janmorrow I have no idea about his crb, nor am i interested in it, I just think it stinks that his GF is being payed to look after X amount of kids, and he takes them off for 2 car journeys of an hour round trip.

I wouldnt be happy if I was paying for a CM to look after DD and she spent 2 hours in the car unnecesarily.

Regards to company vehicle, I have contacted CSA and given them more details, they said they cant asses him as he is "self employed" and case with self employed team.

Andrewofgg Wed 17-Aug-11 14:40:55

YABU - you shouldn't be seething quietly but bloody noisily!

Gonzo33 Wed 17-Aug-11 15:01:29

I pay for my son to his father because we had to move abroad due to Mr Gonzo's job. Exh doesn't want to see ds more than once a year though.

In your situation it wouldn't come down to whether he was paying me or not, but ime if the nrp wants to see the child they will make the effort iyswim.

biddysmama Wed 17-Aug-11 15:21:39

if your ex is not a registered childminder then he shouldnt be allowed to be alone with the mindees, he must have a crb to around them at all (ex childminder)

OnlyWantsOne Wed 17-Aug-11 15:32:18

ive phoned Ofsted and told them what I know - she suggested he is her assistant and therefore can do these things?

elinorbellowed Wed 17-Aug-11 15:43:48

Erm, if my child was with a child minder and while in their care they were driven around by a man with a history of DV I would be fucking furious. Can't believe OFSTED said that, they were obviously trying to fob you off. What about insurance etc?
Don't think you should be taking her to see him until he picks her up himself, or pays maintenance. And you should dob him in to the CSA. I do know how difficult this is to do though. Sympathies.

OnlyWantsOne Wed 17-Aug-11 16:09:43

he cant collect her from here, in my court order states hes not to know my adress or what school she goes to

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