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to be angry on my DSis' behalf?

(11 Posts)
MissPenteuth Tue 16-Aug-11 14:21:14

DSis is getting married soon, and one of her bridemsaids is a childhood friend who grew up on the same street as us. Recently said friend mentioned that her brother had been '"really upset" at not being invited to the wedding. Friend's brother is a few years younger and DSis was friendly with him when we were all young, but they're hardly what you'd call friends now. The wedding is also in a different part of the country to where friend's brother lives, as DSis moved away a few years ago. So DSis was a bit taken aback that he'd been expecting an invite, but felt guilt-tripped into saying he could come. This weekend she found out that he's bringing his GF too (who DSis doesn't even know).

DSis is upset as there are friends of her and her fiance who are only coming to the evening reception as they were trying to keep the ceremony small, so if they were squeezing in extra people it would be their actual friends, not random relatives of the wedding party and their partners. Add to that he's now turning round and being a bit arsey about 'not being invited originally but being invited now' hmm

I know DSis should have just said no to begin with, or at the very least said there wasn't room for the GF, but she's a quiet, polite girl and doesn't want to upset anyone. I'm quiet and polite too but I feel like phoning up DSis' friend or her brother and asking them who they think they are guilt-tripping her into inviting them and causing her stress before the wedding. And telling him if he's going to be a dick about it then he should just not come, as was the original plan.

Sorry, this is long and very boring, but it's winding me up and I needed a rant.

Smellslikecatpee Tue 16-Aug-11 14:25:07

Unreal! What a bloody cheek, and I come from a family that invites eeryone to everything.

Why the hell would the brother of a friend expect to be invited


SpamMarie Tue 16-Aug-11 14:29:15

Difficult to undo now he's been invited without causing a ruckus. I had a very small list of guests at my wedding. Anyone who moaned and griped knew they were under no obligation to attend. Nobody moaned or griped. It's pretty sad that your sister's wedding guests are putting their own feelings ahead of hers, when clearly it is her day. Hope she has a good 'un!

DizzyKipper Tue 16-Aug-11 14:30:57

If I was you I would actually be asking DSis for permission to let this person (and his gf) know that they were now uninvited, and the reasons why. Why do people think they're so special that they MUST get an invite to some one they now barely know? YANBU

JanMorrow Tue 16-Aug-11 14:35:38

It's a shame she didn't feel brave enough to ignore this one and not invite him! What a sense of entitlement! But phoning him up would only put a spanner in the works wouldn't it.. best to just ignore it and let it go now I think.

AMumInScotland Tue 16-Aug-11 14:44:00

YANBU. But I don't think anything can be done about it now without making it more of an issue than it already is - unless your DSis would be happy to get rid of the bridesmaid too for "unreasonable behaviour"?

But then again, just how "arsey" is the brother being? If he's being publicly rude, then she could just tell him to F. Off and deal with it if the bridesmaid pulls a strop about it.

If she'd had a bit of warning and not been guilted into it, she maybe could have suggested that bridesmaid invited brother as her "plus one" if he was that bothered about coming. But I doubt she could think of something like that on the spur of the moment.

CustardCake Tue 16-Aug-11 14:45:06

That is the trouble with wedding guest lists - if you give an inch they take a mile (as anyone who has ended up with their MIL's entire bridge club / bowling club / weight watcher friends will tell you)

If it were my sister I would be tempted to phone this man up and tell him its not a +1 invite and either he comes with his sister alone or not at all. There again you don't really want to be the one who gets the blame if your sister's bridesmaid pulls out in protest so all you can do is leave it as is unless your Dsis asks you to step in and make the call for her if she wants to.

MissPenteuth Tue 16-Aug-11 14:45:12

I agree that saying anything now would just cause upset, much as I'd like to. It still makes me angry though. Thanks for the replies.

Jackstini Tue 16-Aug-11 14:51:04

Can she say that she meant he was just invited to the evening do as the ceremony is very limited (and not even all the family of the bride are coming to that, never mind family of the bridesmaid...!!!)
Does he realise it is a small do?

ShoutyHamster Tue 16-Aug-11 14:53:58

Send him an email saying thanks so much for agreeing to be an usher, his specific duties are car parking, 15-minute toilet checks for stray small children, and he's responsible for ordering all taxis at the end of the evening

LolaRennt Tue 16-Aug-11 14:59:29

Glad you aren't going to say anything, but you are NBU to be annoyed some people are just rude

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