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WTF!! Just been called a rasist by my own dh!!???

(66 Posts)
Noibloodywellamnot Mon 15-Aug-11 21:39:57

will keep it short and have namechanged as I know how these threads usually go!

Sitting watching a film and I say to dh "oh what have I seen that Chinese guy in before" Chinese being relevant as there are 5 diffrent people in the shot.

He turns and gives me a smug look and tells me I am sooooo rasist, I say what!! And he launches into a attack on how i am so obviously rasist?

I ask how the hell can that be seen as rasist, if I was asking what the White guy or black guy had been in before I would have used the description White guy/black guy so he knew who the fuck i was talking about.

As if this was not childish enough he then tells me I am definitely a rasist because I ALWAYS ask if he wants to order a chinky then I shout "chinky is here" when it arrives, I can honestly say hand on heart I have NEVER used this word when ordering Chinese food.

I am FURIOUS, just asked him why the hell is he married to me when he has that opinion of me because I sure as hell would not be sticking around if I thought that of him.

What's bothering me more is he is insisting i have said words I know I would never use, what's worse the fact he seriously thinks I am a rasist but stays with me or has just made up a load of rubbish to make me look like something I know I'm not?

Have just seen him in a whole new light anyway!

Noibloodywellamnot Mon 15-Aug-11 21:41:09

Can I just apologise for using that god awful word in the op but it was relevant to the story!

DraculasMum Mon 15-Aug-11 21:41:25


dolldaggabuzzbuzz Mon 15-Aug-11 21:42:17

OP - I am embarrassed for you.

worraliberty Mon 15-Aug-11 21:42:44


He's either winding you up or he needs to grow up.

He sounds like a little child who says "Ummmm I'm telling on you"

Good heavens.

EuphemiaMcGonagall Mon 15-Aug-11 21:44:58

Sounds to me like he's projecting. Ignore him.

Noibloodywellamnot Mon 15-Aug-11 21:45:32

Why are you embarrassed for me?

What on earth could I have said to ask my question?

Oh dh can you tell me what the 5'10 ish man with brown hair and leather jacket was in before please?

usualsuspect Mon 15-Aug-11 21:46:26

I don't know what to say tbh

mamas12 Mon 15-Aug-11 21:47:13

Google gaslighting

DraculasMum Mon 15-Aug-11 21:48:09

usual let me do the honors.


yousankmybattleship Mon 15-Aug-11 21:48:54

Either you are both twelve years old or you've been drinking.

PeopleCallMeTricky Mon 15-Aug-11 21:49:01

If he's actually trying to make you believe that you're saying things that you haven't said, then that would be gaslighting.

PinotsKittens Mon 15-Aug-11 21:50:53


Noibloodywellamnot Mon 15-Aug-11 21:51:11

I have heard of gaslighting before on here but this is the first time sometime anything like this has happened.

I'm more surprised he has not left me since I am "something that he despises"

Noibloodywellamnot Mon 15-Aug-11 21:53:39

I am neither twelve nor have I been drinking!

I am honestly upset at this, have not just been told I swear to much or don't shower enough I have just sat in my own living room and been called rasist by the person who is supposed to know me best.

purplepidjin Mon 15-Aug-11 21:56:42

DP (who is black and grew up in london in the 70's so knows a fair bit about these things) says your DH is being a twat.


usualsuspect Mon 15-Aug-11 21:57:03

<sits on hands>

FreudianSlipper Mon 15-Aug-11 21:58:03

why are you furious if you know you are not racist

i am amused the way people will defend themselves, beign called racist or not having a sense of humor seems to really upset people (unless they are bnp twats and are proud of it)

whomovedmychocolate Mon 15-Aug-11 21:58:25

Gaslighting is what happens when there is so much hot air coming from a poster that one could light a match and watch them spontaneously combust

I cannot help you with this one because I'm too busy laughing at your spelling of 'racist'

Is a rasist someone who blows raspberries from people of other cultures?

YABL (the L was for Loopy).

Reality Mon 15-Aug-11 22:00:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Noibloodywellamnot Mon 15-Aug-11 22:02:08

Why am I furious?

Because my dh and the father of my 3dc has just called me something which I find highly offensive. It does not matter if I know it's not true he thinks these things of me. Would that not be a issue to you that someone you are that close to has that opinion of you?

yousankmybattleship Mon 15-Aug-11 22:03:26

I was being kind when I said you'd been drinking! Why else would you have your knickers in a knot about being called a racist if you are quite confident that you are not? Your DH is probably having a lovely time watching the film in peace now while you spontaneously combust over your PC.

DuelingFanjo Mon 15-Aug-11 22:03:56


LuceyLasstic Mon 15-Aug-11 22:04:20


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