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To not want DH to come on holiday with us?

(25 Posts)
toomuchdisneynotenoughJack Mon 15-Aug-11 20:31:11

Hi there, I am new to MN and would love some advice! I have booked a camping trip for this weekend, booked months ago, now DH says he never wanted to go on trip as he hates camping (he wretches when I mention it!) anyways myself and DD (6) and DS (4) are all very very excited! DH feels he has to come but I know he will be like a petulant child and (as is his depressive pessimistic manner) will winge constantly on the way there, while we are there and on the way back! I am perfectly happy to go it alone, it is only 5 days and would actually love to be chilling reading and sipping wine under canvas, when the kids are asleep(I relish the thought of some uninterrupted reading!). but when I say to DH that he doesn't have co
with us, he says of course he does, what kind of man would let his wife and kids go on holiday without him, etc, and the asks me not to go at all!!!! what do I do?

squeakytoy Mon 15-Aug-11 20:33:28

Perhaps you should have booked a holiday that you both agree on, and it would have avoided all this... confused

Nanny0gg Mon 15-Aug-11 20:33:34

Why have you booked a family holiday that one member of the family will hate? Are you having another one that he will enjoy?

NoWayNoHow Mon 15-Aug-11 20:36:31

Tell him he's more than welcome to come along with a sunny attitude and an open mind, but that if he bitches and moans just once, he can sod off back home as you're not going to have him ruin your summer holiday with the kids with his petulant attitude when you've given him ample opportunity to get our of it.

I would also tell him that there's not chance of you cancelling the holiday at this short notice, so he can get off that horse sharpish.

As an aside, if he's been saying from the beginning that he hates camping and has never wanted to go, why did you book a camping holiday???

smoggii Mon 15-Aug-11 20:36:41

It's a shame you didn't discuss it with DH before you booked as his feelings seem clear and you could have booked a few days in a caravan instead.

I would be gutted if my DH and kids had booked a camping trip as i would never want to go on one but would be gutted at missing a few days away with my family.

So IMO YANBU for not wanting him to come along now it's booked but YWBU for booking a holiday he didn't want.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 15-Aug-11 20:38:32

You tell the man to grow up. He sounds like bloody hard work if he's regularly like this. If he comes with you, read him the riot act before you get in the car i.e any petulant child crap and you leave him on the hard shoulder. FWIW if you booked the trip knowing he probably wouldn't like it, it sounds as though you've already sidelined him a little... only way to deal with people like that.

Mitmoo Mon 15-Aug-11 20:39:16

Sorry OP you've booked a holiday without agreeing it with your DH that you knew he wouldnt like. Were you deliberately trying to wind him up?

toomuchdisneynotenoughJack Mon 15-Aug-11 20:39:58

hi again, when "we" booked the holiday DH said that he did want to go! we have to get the ferry over from Ireland so the booking was not made lightly! DH does not go on holiday abroad as he does not fly! to get anywhere from here we have to go by boat and drive for hours! we went to Disney at Halloween and it took us 22 hours to get there ( a flight would have taken 55 mins!) so I don't book anything without massive discussions and huge amounts of thought about length of travel time etc!! am slightly p@&sed off with DH for his attitude on this one as it is putting a dampner on it for the kids!

Soups Mon 15-Aug-11 20:41:46

Could he go for the first couple of days, then return home and leave you in peace? At least he'd feel as he's been with the family on holiday.

Soups Mon 15-Aug-11 20:42:54

Ignore that, I've just seen you have a ferry and long drive.

NoWayNoHow Mon 15-Aug-11 20:44:32

toomuchdisney I take back my last paragraph.

Your DH sounds like a pain in the arse.

Go on holiday, tell him you will have a zero tolerance horseshit policy on the trip and at the first sign of crap from him, you'll drive him round to the local Travelodge to remain there until you're done having a lovely time with your kids.

Mitmoo Mon 15-Aug-11 20:44:39

If having a holiday where the father is not welcome by the children or the wife, is there really any point in staying together. I speak from experience, I felt the same and divorced the miserable plonker, happy days then for everyone.

TheOriginalFAB Mon 15-Aug-11 20:47:58

I have just been away on my own for 5 days with the kids without DH. Difference is I went to see my friends and he was working for one of the days. We are not having a family holiday this year.

If you want to go without him you need to tell him how he can get a break, have time to himself and will appreciate the peace.

toomuchdisneynotenoughJack Mon 15-Aug-11 20:48:20

Mitmoo-he is welcome completely by me and DC's but only with an optimistic attitude!
NoWay- I think the no nonsense approach sounds great and would happily drive him to the travelodge myself! he is bloody hard work!!!

smoggii Mon 15-Aug-11 20:53:58

If he knew what was being booked and he's still moaning he's a nob - direct him to this board!

Dozer Mon 15-Aug-11 20:54:17

Yanbu for thinking of going without him. Hibu, selfish and childish.

Yabu for pandering to his "no flying" bullshit! Limiting everyone else's options. Next time, book somewhere abroad where you have to fly and go without him if he can't sort it out.

Mitmoo Mon 15-Aug-11 20:59:18

Mitmoo-he is welcome completely by me and DC's but only with an optimistic attitude!

The husband you describe doesn't have one. My ex didn't either hence he's the ex.

Sidge Mon 15-Aug-11 21:00:26

I'd bitch and moan if my DH booked a camping holiday, knowing full well I hate camping.

But then to refuse to fly as well is just daft - he is rather limiting his family's holiday options isn't he?

ledkr Mon 15-Aug-11 21:08:43

I was on my own for years and although re married now i still enjoy taking the dc;s away on my own,its lovely to give them all the attention.Dh understands and fortunately works a lot of weekends so i get to do it,we also have nice holidays together.

toomuchdisneynotenoughJack Mon 15-Aug-11 21:35:44

thankyou all for the advice, I am going to talk to him and ask him if he wants to stay at home with the dog! DS (4) said that if daddy didn't want to come he could not come! obviously DH has winged about it in front of kids! that is not allowed! so we will be talking about that too, he can be as pessimistic as he likes , but not if it rubs off on the DC!

wicketkeeper Mon 15-Aug-11 22:26:57

Am I beginning to think that your DH actually just doesn't want to leave home at all? Is that an angle worth looking at? When my DH is depressed he doesn't want to leave the house at all. Just a thought.

QuintessentialShadow Mon 15-Aug-11 22:30:08

Poor you.

mckenzie Mon 15-Aug-11 22:37:47

can i add my two penny's worth? Much as the DCs and I love DH, two of the best holidays we have had, have been without him! DH likes the finer things in life so I took the DCs to a caravan one year in the summer without him, to a lodge on the IOW one easter and to Cornwall last year where we spent all holiday on a mainly cold, always windy, occasionally sunny but hugely interesting beach and had the best best time ever smile. That's why we're off without him again next month.

saladsandwich Mon 15-Aug-11 22:41:42

my mum started taking me and my brother on holiday on her own when we got older, my dad hated holidays after the first few days and just moped around bored. my dad got a weeks peace at home, we had a week of fun with no moping dad so happy days all round smile

justpaddling Mon 15-Aug-11 22:47:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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