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to want a rough idea of when someone is coming to visit?

(5 Posts)
Squiglettsmummy2bx Mon 15-Aug-11 15:00:58

It was my DS 6th birthday on the 1st of August & we had planned a trip to the build a bear workshop for that day so I invited my exMIL, his grandma, around the week before but she had no free days & said she would come the on the 3rd of August. On the evening of his birthday my DS came out with chicken pox so I contacted anyone we were meant to be seeing that week including exMIL. I had checked with nhs direct about the dangers as I am pregnant & exMIL was insistant she could catch shingles from DS & although I was told this wasn't the case left it that we would arrange a day when he was better. Last week was out as we live in tottenham & the riots were going on. I contacted her Saturday to see if she was available this week & she texted that she has visits on Wednesday & would pass by on her way home. (she is retired but does voluntary visits to recently bereaved people through her church) I said this was fine but did she know a rough time as we tend to go out somewhere each day. She has now got all stroppy with me saying she doesn't see why she should be allocated a time but as she was passing by after doing her own thing surely it is her allocating herself time anyway & I don't see how I am being rude asking morning, afternoon or evening. I have said that if she can not give me a rough time then I can not guarantee we will be home. AIBU???

ZillionChocolate Mon 15-Aug-11 15:03:47

Perhaps suggest that she gives you an hour/hour and a half/two hours notice of when she'd like to come.

DoMeDon Mon 15-Aug-11 15:07:53

YANBu. She doesn;t have to specify a time but you don;t have to be there either. The point of arranging to see someone is to do it when they will be there. I have had the same arguement discussion with my DF. He doesn;t want to give me a time he's coming round in case he changes his plans and decides to stay out longer. I explained that he was always welcome to see if we were in but without a time he might not see us. he was miffed but he knows where he stands. (on the doorstep knocking while we're out grin)

Squiglettsmummy2bx Mon 15-Aug-11 15:13:59

The thing is she has her bereavement visits planned so must know if she is doing them in the morning, afternoon or evening & that is all I am asking. If she ever came round for more than an hour I may stay in all day but don't see the point when she could not turn up until 6pm & be gone by 7. I explained that the school holidays are going fast & that my time with my children is precious. Also I did offer the whole week & she chose Wednesday on her way home from elsewhere so she is hardly putting herself out to see her grandchildren. On her birthday I tool them to her house after school eventhough I was suffering really bad pregnancy related sickness & they were tired after a day at school. Generally I take them to her as her DS can't be bothered but thought it would be nice for her to come here & see the birthday decorations etc but they are all down now anyway. She didn't even post my DS s birthday card.

FakePlasticTrees Mon 15-Aug-11 15:20:26


Tell her, "OK, but we're going out for part of the day, so I guess if you can't tell us when you're coming so we can fit our other plans round that, we'll just have to hope we're back when you call round. If not, I'm sure we can sort something out for another date." Don't sit in all day waiting for her, bloody rude behaviour from her.

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