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to prefer talking to my aunt on the phone to talking to my mother?

(9 Posts)
Ormirian Mon 15-Aug-11 14:03:31

Because my mum says things like:

"DS1's hair could do with a cut."

"Don't you think it's time DS2 stopped pretending to be a monkey all the time now he's 8?"

"DD really needs some new clothes! She can't wear jeans all the time."

"Darling you dooo look tired!"

and the classic....

"Children do need their mothers at home of course" hmm

And my aunt my aunt says things like:

"I don't know how you do it, my love! Working full-time with 3 children. You are a wonder!"

She is like a breath of fresh air. In fact I may ask her to move in with me so she can tell how wonderful I am all the time.

kittensliveupstairs Mon 15-Aug-11 14:09:05

But you'd soon get fed up with the praise wouldn't you? wink
Some parents are aggravating, just make a promise to your DC that you won't be like your Mum.

BaronessBomburst Mon 15-Aug-11 14:09:45

YANBU. My mother is bossy, domineering, and uber-critical. My aunt is supportive, fun and full of common sense. It's not just a mother/daughter clash either; the entire family agrees with me.

Ormirian Mon 15-Aug-11 14:12:21

My mum wants to be supportive. She just doesn't quite get how hmm

Also my aunt is more likely to pour me a G&T when I get home from work. Mum would pour me a cuppa grin

Ormirian Mon 15-Aug-11 14:13:23

Might add, my aunt is 88 - 8 years older than my mum.

Hopton Mon 15-Aug-11 16:54:54

I know the feeling Ormirian, mums seem to think because you're their daughter social niceties don't apply!

My mum will walk in and instantly point out the stairs need hoovering, our kitchen blind is crooked (seen through the window)hmm, or just that our hallway is cluttered. If I come back at her with a comment "Yes, because I've been working all week") she gets all frustrated and says I'm so sensitive I take everything as criticism! Er, no I'm not but that was criticism, wasn't it??

The other week Mum and I (and my two dc's) visited relatives together and my cousin said how lovely dd looked in her skirt, it really suits her. My mum chipped straight in with "Huh, it's not new though is it Hopton? Must be her second/third summer wearing it? Then shot me a smug look before turning the conversation on to what a fussy (apparently) eater dd ishmm

Gosh she's hard work at times, difficult to pull her up on it though as she's likely to string out being upset for days, conveniently forgetting I reacted in response to something SHE said in the first place, Arghhh!

Ormirian Mon 15-Aug-11 17:00:50

Oh lord! It's the critisism of the children that winds me up most hopton. Fussy eating, noise, disobedience hmm I often wonder if it's a sort of self-deprecation at one remove - if she is rude about my children she is doing herself down in some way so it's a sort of self-protection thing.

But it winds me up. By and large she's stopped with the older 2, and saves it all for DS2 (who can be hard work for sure). But they all know by now that granny is over-critical and make allowances for her.

The most hurtful thing is 'ooh you looks so tired'. I have huge shadows under my eyes - they are so bad now I never get rid of them and I am really self-conscious about them. So her 'concern' makes me feel worse.

zukiecat Mon 15-Aug-11 17:30:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hopton Mon 15-Aug-11 17:48:52

It seems several of us have the same issues! Ormirian, it's interesting about the self-depracation - maybe it is a bit of a self defence issue, as I've noticed whenever someone compliments my mum, ie she's looking well, what a lovely jacket etc, her replies tend to veer on the negative. "May look well but I'm SO unhappy with my weight at the moment", or "This? I've had it years, doesn't really go with everything etc etc"hmm

Maybe she takes any compliments directed at my dc as to compliments directly to her and makes an automatic negative response. Hmm, interesting.

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