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Can anyone help me?

(13 Posts)
GodKeepsGiving Mon 15-Aug-11 10:53:10

My husband has had a few internet affairs, used porn, said he's unsure about his gender identity and said he didn't love me any more. Now he's changed his mind and says he does. I know this may sound made up but it is certainly true. Surely there is no way I am being unreasonable - even though my husband suggests I am. I have no family, no independent income and am trapped with 6 children until I graduate. To top it all, this morning I found an invitation on his hotmail account from someone who wants casual extramarital sex. All I am asking is that someone tells me I am the rational one here, since my husband takes one problem and posts them in stupid places like the Daily Mail boards where people assure him that porn is no big deal and I've probably got PND. All this has come to light in the last 7 months since our new baby was born. I am not depressed, I am miserable and angry. Could someone please reassure me. Thank you.

ZillionChocolate Mon 15-Aug-11 10:56:22

I'd be miserable and angry too. Apart from the use of pornography, it all sounds worrying as is your husband's undermining of your feelings.

GodKeepsGiving Mon 15-Aug-11 11:00:23

Thanks Zillion, that's all I needed to hear.

TheFlyingOnion Mon 15-Aug-11 11:00:26

Of course YANBU

He sounds like a toxic prick.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld Mon 15-Aug-11 11:01:43

Your husband is a twat.

I'd advise posting this on the relationships board where you'll get some help, advice and support.

MissPenteuth Mon 15-Aug-11 11:04:39

YANBU. It sounds like your DH is going through a confusing time and maybe it's not easy for him, BUT he needs to make a decision. He can either be with you and only you, or he can leave and sort himself out. He can't have his cake and eat it.

I know a lot of people say 'porn isn't a big deal' but I don't think it's as black and white as being OK or not OK, it comes down to personal opinion and if you are upset by it then he should respect your feelings.

I don't know what to suggest as you're obviously in a tough situation with the children and no family support. But you are most certainly not being unreasonable to think your DH's behaviour is not on.

purplepidjin Mon 15-Aug-11 11:07:33

He's cheating on you and making you feel like it's your fault? Yadddnbu!

Isn't he obliged to support you financially whether he lives there or not? Might be worth checking your legal rights...

Madlizzy Mon 15-Aug-11 11:10:59

He's a horrible man who does not respect you. He's the one being unreasonable.

ImperialBlether Mon 15-Aug-11 11:20:38

He is vile and you should leave him.

GodKeepsGiving Mon 15-Aug-11 11:38:28

Thanks all. Will try to get advice this afternoon. Begged him to leave but he said he wasn't prepared to leave his house.

purplepidjin Mon 15-Aug-11 13:15:23

Don't beg, that'll give him power over you. Tell him what is going to happen, from a position of confidence (which is why you need to know exactly what your rights are)

He's in the wrong, why should you and the children have to shift?

Good luck

worraliberty Mon 15-Aug-11 13:18:25

I think porn is the least of your worries to be honest

How were things before 7 months ago?

GodKeepsGiving Mon 15-Aug-11 15:05:45

Things have never been all that great, but I believed in my vows and stuck to them. Sexually things have always been poor - I just happen to be really fertile. Have to go out now, but thanks again to everyone for some perspective.

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