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AIBU?

AIBU as a father to expect to take my 2 1/2 year old daughter away for the weekend?

315 replies

Rob92004 · 13/08/2011 20:49

I would like to to take my 2 1/2 year old daughter to stay with my brother, his wife and their 4, 6 & 8 year old children for a weekend.
My wife will not let me take her claiming she is too sensitive and I cannot care for her properly (We have been married 7 years, and I am 44 fit and healthy!)
All opinions appreciated! Thanks.

OP posts:

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GypsyMoth · 13/08/2011 20:51

course you can!!

Hassled · 13/08/2011 20:52

Not nearly enough information here. Have you ever spent a weekend alone with your daughter before? Why is your wife not included in the weekend away? What will your DD's reaction be to being away from Mum - is she used to it at all?
Are you thinking about your DD's needs or your own wants?

EuphemiaMcGonagall · 13/08/2011 20:52

Ask her for specifics: what exactly does she think you won't be able to handle?

DoMeDon · 13/08/2011 20:52

YANBU to want to take her away but what are the reasons she doesn;t want you to? Are you a feckless idiot? Do you spend time caring for your DD??

LolaRennt · 13/08/2011 20:53

Not being funny, but have you actually shown your wife you can look after your child fully? Or do you generally let her get on with things? Also are you sure she just won't miss the dd?

evenlessnarkypuffin · 13/08/2011 20:53

Of course you can. Whether she'll be happy to be away from her mother for that long is a different issue.

Witchofthenorth · 13/08/2011 20:54

Unless you are secretly some sort of ogre of course you are capable of looking after your daughter for a weekend

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 13/08/2011 20:54

Do you regularly take your dd out alone - to the park, to visit friends/relatives, shopping etc?

Dilligaf81 · 13/08/2011 20:55

Poor bloke we all assume a mother can just take her DD away with no concern. He is taking his DD to another family who presumably if he struggles with anything would be there to lend a helping hand.
No YANBU.

bubblesincoffee · 13/08/2011 20:55

Are you and your wife still together? Couldn't she go too?

YANBU to want to take your dd away, in fact it's lovely that you do. But YABU to expect your wife to be comfortable with it automatically. Your dd is still her baby, and the things that make your wife a good, devoted mother are the same things that make her feel the need to keep her baby close to her where she can see that she is safe and happy.

She probably knows rationally that it would be fine, but that doesn't mean that her emotions won't be going crazy at the thought of it.

What sort of relationship do you both have with your dd? I'm assuming you are fully involved in your dd's every day care.

PinkSchmoo · 13/08/2011 20:56

What is the longest time period you have looked after DD for to date? Do you regularly spend time with her on your own. Do you do bed times? If DH wanted to take DD, 2.4, away I would be delighted and know they would have a whale of a time. But he is v hands on.

zukiecat · 13/08/2011 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Casmama · 13/08/2011 20:57

I wouldn't have the slightest hesitation about my dh taking my almost 2 year old ds away for the weekend. However, I have had to go away for a couple of nights for work a few times and know that they were both absolutely fine. In theory I would say there is no reason why you shouldn't take your daughter away for the weekend but your wife must have some reason to be concerned - what you have put seems pretty non-specific to me.

StrandedBear · 13/08/2011 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IggyPup · 13/08/2011 20:59

Do you think you can care for her? Have you ever failed her before, dropped her on her head, let her go down the plug hole etc?

I think, in general, a child should get to know and spend time with as many of their family as possible. (Barring problem relatives.....)

What is meant by sensitive? Overreacts to sudden movements or loud noises? Gets overtired or overexcited when with other children? If so then that is pretty normal, and you will probably deal with it should it occur.

Has wifey got control issues? Who's the mummy syndrome? Suggest you try it out and if it all goes horribly wrong then you'll return home early.

Dozer · 13/08/2011 21:00

Yanbu!

She's your kid too.

working9while5 · 13/08/2011 21:00

Oh my God, you are NOT being unreasonable and it is totally sexist that your parenting is being called into question.

I don't believe people would ask women asking the same question why their wife was not part of the weekend. I suspect they would say to you, if you were a woman, that your spouse was being controlling and there would quickly be cries of "leave the bastard".

Rob92004 · 13/08/2011 21:01

A bit more info:
-I like to think I am not a feckless idiot :)
-I haven't taken her away for a weekend yet, but you have to start somewhere
-I frequently take her away for days out and we survive just fine
-Swimming, visits to the park, trips to friends, days out at my fathers all work fine
-I usually get her up and dressed in the mornings, but mum usually manages bed time as I am often not home in time
-My wife's big concerns are: bed time and that I won't look after her properly

OP posts:

toniguy · 13/08/2011 21:03

Good god! If a woman posted saying this, would they really be interrogated like this: 'what is the longest period of time you've spent with her??' 'are you sure you can cope??'

Op - you are her parent, an EQUAL parent. It sounds like a lovely opportunity for you to spend time with your dd, especially if your wife gets the lions share normally, because you work more.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 13/08/2011 21:03

I think there is far more to this that you are telling, your op is too simplistic for their not to be. You either don't rate her concerns or don't wish to disclose them as you realise that they do have a bearing on the situation.

So which is it?

DuelingFanjo · 13/08/2011 21:04

I would think it's ok, but maybe get some practice in beforehand with bedtimes? Maybe your wife could go too?

Rob92004 · 13/08/2011 21:04

Opps, should have mentioned second child!! We also have a 3 month old, and my wife is still breast feeding. She does get on with my brother and family, but thinks he house is a bit of tip and not appropriate for a 3 month old!

OP posts:

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Hatesponge · 13/08/2011 21:04

On the face of it, what you're asking doesn't seem unreasonable.

Is there a reason why your Dw can't go with you? Does she not get on with the relatives you're visiting? Is your DD particularly clingy to her mum at the moment and does your DW think she will be distressed by going away with just you? Alternatively is your DW just a bit controllling?....

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 13/08/2011 21:06

Is your wife over anxious about anything else as a couple of diffucult bedtimes would not be a massive concern, why can your wife not go?

DuelingFanjo · 13/08/2011 21:06

most people have said YANBU, can't see why some people think you are getting a hard time to be honest.

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