Okay, maybe I am being a little unsociable but I don't think I'm unreasonable....
To cut a long story short, I was up early this morning with both children,then I took my DS to football and then out for a hectic afternoon with friends and their children. I'd been busy all day and eve yesterday (as DH had gone out to a festival for the day/eve with some friends who are visiting from another part of the country).
I have horrible period pains today and when I got home this late afternoon I just wanted to put my comfy pyjamas on, eat some chocolate and slob around the house for the afternoon (the pyjamas in the afternoon may sound terrible but in my defence, my DD is only four months old and I don't have many comfy clothes I fit into yet!).
I actually said to DH when I got home: " You don't have any friends coming over this afternoon, do you?". When he said no, I said: "Good, I really don't feel like making conversation with anyone and I just want to chill out and read the paper for a bit".
-A quick bit of background here - DH is a lot more sociable than I am and likes to leave the front door of our home open so that his friends can stroll in and out as they please. Some of them walk in without knocking, which I hate and I have had issues with DH before about this. I am a friendly and polite parson but I prefer my friends to call before coming over. Normally, if DH's friends descend and I'm not in the mood for small talk (happened a bit when I was tired and pregnant) I go and read a book in the bedroom, but today I wanted to relax on my own sofa! We have an upstairs living area, so actually going into my room (which is downstairs) and closing the door is the only way of avoiding people I don't want to see -
About half an hour after my conversation with DH, he said: "Bob is coming over in a minute, don't worry, he won't stay long, he's just picking something up". I said " I specifically asked you NOT to invite anyone over!!". DH replied-"He invited himself, I couldn't say no, he won't stay, why don't you just chill out in the bedroom while he's here?". I stomped off, still in my tartan pj's. His friend arrived, with his young DD in tow and stayed for over an hour. During this time I had to go and get my DD from upstairs to feed her which meant i had to stand and make conversation with the friend, in pjs, with wild hair, feeling really fed up and not in the mood for small talk at all. He's a nice enough guy, but that's NOT THE POINT!! (Am I becoming unreasonable now?! maybe it's PMT).
So, this evening, DH was on the phone to the friends he was meeting up with again and I heard him say: I'll see you at mine in a bit". This is group of his friends I don't know well, haven't seen for some time and some who I haven't even met. At this point, our children were safely in bed and I was happily sitting, in the chaos of our kitchen, eating a Chinese take-away (I know, I'm making myself sound disgusting... but it has just been one of those days and I couldn't face either cooking or cleaning 
).
The thought of a group of men traipsing through my house, and having to be INTRODUCED to people whilst wearing pyjamas and eating a take-away was horrifying. I like to meet new people when I am fully dressed and at least wearing a bit of mascara - I don't think that's unreasonable! I also like to tidy up a little before we have visitors. I bellowed -"You are not bringing anyone else in here today!!" at DH. He assured me that he was going straight out when they came.
10 mins later, I hear him coming up the stairs talking to someone. WTF??! I actually abandoned my food and rushed off to the bedroom (as I write this I realise I'm sounding a little insane). I could hear DH saying "She's not feeling well" to the friend he was with, who was asking where I was. DH came in and saw how furious I was. He was saying "I'm sorry, I told him to wait outside but he just followed me up". I hissed at him to "Get out" and, eventually, off they went (the others had actually waited outside).
Am I being completely unreasonable and perhaps a little insane?! Or should I be able to expect a day without visitors becuase that's what I want?
AIBU?
to ask my DH not to invite his friends over because I'm not in the mood for visitors?
AngryBadger · 13/08/2011 20:06
YANBU - if you can't have a little space and privacy in your own home, then where can you? You shouldn't have to hide away in your bedroom!
As for people just walking in 
Start locking the door.
The alternative is to let your DH's friends 'accidently' catch you naked 
I'm sure he'd make sure they knocked first in future then.
I would not be happy at all with people just walking in without knocking! Who does that?
Thank you for your replies, they've cheered me up. Especially the description of my home as a 'student squat' sqeakytoy, that really made me laugh as it looks just like a squat at the moment!
Re: the festival, mentioning that probably made my DH sound worse than he is... it is a one-off and I had the chance to go and did say I didn't fancy it (and still don't, especially as it's pouring down, he's welcome to it!). He normally does a lot with the children at weekends.
However, I think I'm going to have to address the friends coming in and out issues. I'm always checking the front door as closed as he leaves it off the latch and I never feel relaxed when I know someone could appear in my hallway at anytime.
My DH always says I'm 'strange' when I bring this issue up. We did have very different childhoods - my parents were quite private people who didn't have visitors very often and I was taught to knock on doors before going into someone else's bedroom at home etc. My DH's family had a guesthouse and always had people coming and going so he doesn't seem to have any concept of privacy. We did have an issue with MIL letting herself in with our spare key - this came to a head when I was struggling to feed DD (the day after coming home from hospital) and MIL suddenly appeared in front of me! I couldn't even bring myself to be polite and she eventually left. DH had a word with her and she hasn't done it since.
I agree that home should be a sanctury. I was shouting at DH earlier "This is MY home too!" and I really felt angry with him. When his friends all come over to watch football (usually one evening a week) I don't complain as long as I have a little warning. When I am having friends over, or inviting mutual friends, I always check with him first that it's a good time for him, or that it's on a night when he's busy - if I want him out the way, for a girly dvd night for example.
I usually meet my friends during the day or at weekends, and anyway they are too busy with their own families to be constantly turning up on my doorstep. DH has a few single friends who do not understand the concept of family time and will do things like turn up at 6.30pm on a weeknight asking him to join in some sporting activity they are about to do. I can't just drop everything and pop out for a hour right before the kids' bedtime and I don't expect DH to do that either.. I'm know some of those friends probably say he's 'under the thumb' when he's 'not allowed' to join them, but then that's a whole other issue.. 
Sorry for the rant, time to pour myself a drink and enjoy the peace and quiet for a while 
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Blimey, they sound like children "calling" for each other! "Can you come out to play?" 
How old is your DH???!!!
I'm pretty social and quite laid back but frankly I think he's seriously taking the mick, especially as your DD is still tiny.
My DH has a monthly cards night - 6-9 blokes in the living room drinking, smoking and playing poker into the small hours. They all know I will have a word if they get too noisy for me/DD and 2 of them have been vetoed from staying over (one's a bit eccentric and gives DD the heebie jeebies, the other is having a rough time at the mo which unfortunately resulted in him getting paralytic and waking the whole house up thudding about in the middle of the night recently).
DH's best mate isn't local and always stays but he is well behaved and also DD's godfather. He is nearly as well-trained as DH now - doesn't bat an eyelid at me in my PJ's with bed-head hair & no make-up on a Sunday morning and makes a brilliant cup of coffee & bacon sarnie.
If they're going to come round might as well make them useful!
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