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To not push ds to play with this child?

(10 Posts)
lecce Sat 13-Aug-11 08:19:12

We are camping at the moment, at a venue of mil's choosing. In the next tent i a boy the same age as ds1 (4) and they have been playing together. I am pleases, especially since ds has not been in nursery for the last year and we have been worried about the social aspect of his life. Dh is sahd and has made a couple of 'mummy' friends smile but is probably fair to say ds hasn't many friends compared to a lot of dc his age.

Problem is this boy is a little full on and I'm getting the sense ds isn't hugely enjoying it. Boy wants to play chase - is very fast, ds not that physical, clearly doesn't want to jog along behind him for 20 minutes. Have spoken to ds about how to suggest changing games and have stepped in and made suggetions myself but they just seem to be on different wave-lengths. Boy wants to run around shouting, ds wants to pretend car is boat and do rescues.

Despite this, boy seems to be at our tent all the time, which I'm finding a bit wearing. Would be fine if they were happy as larry bu dn't think they are. Also, we have ds2 (2) who actually seems to be more on this boy'swave-length than ds1, resulting in tears yesterday from ds1 who said "ds2 has a new friend now" sad

To top it all, mil is here all the time (not actually camping with us but here from 9ish) and is determined that ds1 should be playing with this boy at all times. Honestly, last 2 days it's the first thing she's said to ds1 when she sees him - "have you seen X yet,", "Were you playing with X last night?" on and on. Ds1's replies are a bit muted yet she goes on and on about it. Also, when she's here and they're playing she constantly tries to persude ds1 to do what boy wants - "Come on ds1, X wants to chase you" on and on. I'm thinking he doesn't want to ffs, why must he?

I'm a little out of my depth tbh, wohm, not used to dealing with playdates and pissed off with mil over other stuff and this is pissing me off even more. Advice please, before it starts again for the day. grin

didyouseewhatshedid Sat 13-Aug-11 08:48:38

Camping is always depressing, regardless of the circumstances. If I were you I'd pack up and get 'back to base.'

lecce Sat 13-Aug-11 08:51:16

Noooo - we love camping! Anyway, this hol has been part- paid for by mil - whole other thread - and there is no escape!

didyouseewhatshedid Sat 13-Aug-11 08:53:06

I do pity you, Lecce. If I was trapped on a camping trip with the MIL I would probably be looking for the nearest cliff to throw myself off.
Seriously, though, I tend to just let kids get on with things - they usually find a way to resolve their differences.

kittensliveupstairs Sat 13-Aug-11 08:53:23

I would take issue with that didyousee. Camping isn't always depressing, mainly it is great. It can be wearing if it rains though.
OP, I wouldn't push this friendship, OTOH I wouldn't discourage it either. Children need to learn to be flexible.
Can they take it in turns to choose the game. 20 minutes running, 20 minutes boat rescue?
TBH, I can't remember far enough back to my own DD being four YO to see whether that would work.
And tell MiL it is none of her business.

YellowDinosaur Sat 13-Aug-11 08:56:12

I love camping too!

Personally I think they are 4 and so old enough to sort it out themselves. At the end of the day if they both want to do different things then they probably won't end up doing much together. If your ds1 is asking for advice / seems unhappy then no harm in getting involved but I'd try and leave them to it as much as you can

Wrt ds2 playing with him again not a lot you can do about this but understand its upsetting that ds1 feels left out. Maybe try taking both boys (I mean you 2) out for the day to do something together? Obviously not practical every day though...

Wrt MIL that is harder. Going out for the day might help here but so might a gentle word (prob from your dh) to leave ds1 to make his own friends and decide what HE wants to do.

Hope that helps!

Lucyinthepie Sat 13-Aug-11 08:57:09

Well, the first thing to do is to take MIL to one side and tell her quite clearly that the two boys aren't getting on great, your son is getting a bit fed up, and ask her to step back and stop pushing it. If you hear her mention it again just go up to her, take her by the arm and draw her aside and say "Don't forget, I'd rather you didn't push them to play together".
That would be a good start woudn't it?

Claw3 Sat 13-Aug-11 09:02:22

I think your ds will decide when he has had enough if the other boy isnt really his cup of tea. You are doing the right thing, telling your ds that he doesnt have to play if he doesnt want to, then letting him choose what he wants to do.

I think your MIL's comments are well meant, although they must be annoying. Perhaps just ask her to leave them to it.

If other little boy is constantly at your tent and your ds doesnt want to play, just ask him to come back later.

skybluepearl Sat 13-Aug-11 12:12:19

yes let you MIL know that son is getting fed up. then look round to see if there are any other kids more on wave legnth.

lilyliz Sat 13-Aug-11 15:24:52

don't you have any toys or games they could play together or howabout DH taking them to play with a ball or even just a walk.I bet if your son sat down to colour in or play with plasticine the other would soon join in .

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