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Disclaimer: I THINK IABU re: other women.

(28 Posts)
CRS Fri 12-Aug-11 23:01:39

So - I had a hard time getting to a family engagement last night due to an irrational fear of being in the car.

As a result, my partner has gone out without me tonight, as I got ready, but just couldn't face the car journey.

The other day, my partner and I (our son is away on an activity holiday) went down to our village pub with our good friend and next door neighbour, who is divorced due to her husband's infidelity.

Our friend got quite drunk and was sort of coming on to a guy who also lives in our village (keep up, this is really insular! smile ) ,

So we thought that this was getting a bit out of hand and took our friend home - but the bloke was quite up for being chatted up, and when my partner suggested phoning "Carol", his partner, (not her name) to come and join us, the guy said "No - she's busy" (their kids are away and she was at home doing some painting), and then with a wink "I've forgotten the number".

So now I've witnessed a "devoted family man" behave like that, AIBU to be worried since MY partner is out without me and not answewring the phone (I have only phoned once!)

worraliberty Fri 12-Aug-11 23:06:12

Lol you sound like you lead a bit of a sheltered life grin

Lots of men and women do lots of different things...doesn't mean you or your DP have to behave the same way does it?

Claw3 Fri 12-Aug-11 23:07:02

Yes YABU, you either trust your partner or you dont.

AgentZigzag Fri 12-Aug-11 23:07:39

I don't think this blokes behaviour could be taken as evidence you need to be suspicious of your DH.

There are a million reasons why he's not answered the phone, that he's flirting with someone else is probably unlikely, unless there's something you haven't said in the OP about your relationship with him?

AnyFucker Fri 12-Aug-11 23:09:17

huh ?

If I tell you my DH has a very boring love of golf, please don't get worried that your DH will suddenly take up golf

it don't work like that

CRS Fri 12-Aug-11 23:09:31

OK - IABU - but I didn't think this guy would behave this way OR my friend next door - I know both of then quite well - so felt a bit worried.

The bloke has three kids under five and his partner is friends with me AND my next door neighbour - is it harmless then, if you're drunk?

Maryz Fri 12-Aug-11 23:12:25

What your neighbour does is nothing to do with what your dp does - whether or not they are up to something doesn't mean he is (or isn't).

But don't you think it would be better to put your energy into working on being able to manage to go out yourself? If you are so anxious that you can't go out with your partner, that (imo) is more of a problem than what he does or doesn't do when he is out.

CRS Fri 12-Aug-11 23:12:27

I'm ALWAYS bloody unreasonable on here! wink

Claw3 Fri 12-Aug-11 23:12:31

What does this guy and your friends behaviour have to do with your partner?

Are you saying you think there is something going on with your partner and your friend?

AgentZigzag Fri 12-Aug-11 23:13:19

Behind closed doors and all that.

Is anyone really like the persona they'd like to be viewed through?

worraliberty Fri 12-Aug-11 23:14:07

The guy enjoyed being chatted up but he didn't do anything to make him unfaithful did he?

Flirting isn't the crime of the century...lots of people do it.

Being unfaithful is something else entirely

CRS Fri 12-Aug-11 23:14:12

Oh - sorry, missed that Maryz - yes I DO need to work on the stupid anxiety thing. I know. It's a bit difficult.

CRS Fri 12-Aug-11 23:15:52

And I missed MORE posts! It wasn't harmless flirting. He and she were trying to arrange a place and time for later that night when we made asked next door friend to come home.

AnyFucker Fri 12-Aug-11 23:16:51

are you ok, OP ?

Claw3 Fri 12-Aug-11 23:19:59

I dont see what this has to do with your partner though? He appears to not condone this kind of behaviour as you said he tried to convince your friend and other guy not to.

To worry about your partner doing something similar based on the behaviour of the other two, is unfair.

CRS Fri 12-Aug-11 23:20:32

Yeah! Just a bit ansty about my partner being out without me and not answering the phone after what went on the other night - is it really that weird for this to cross my mind? Especially as my partner did say "Well, he was only behaving how most of us would if someone came on to them like that".

Maryz Fri 12-Aug-11 23:22:46

Sorry CRS, I'm sympathising, not criticising by the way.

It's just if you have anxiety about going out/going in a car/meeting people, then that anxiety will come up with all sorts of things that you dp might but up to (flirting/going off with people/anything at all really).

If you can conquer the anxiety about going out, the other anxieties might minimise as well.

And for what it's worth, your neighbour making an arrangement to meet someone (with a partner and kids) later and on their own is NOT in any way ok. But is really irrelevant to your relationship to your dp, don't you think?

Claw3 Fri 12-Aug-11 23:23:14

Oh right, he does condone this kind of behaviour then!

Did you not question him when he said that?

AgentZigzag Fri 12-Aug-11 23:26:39

It's not weird for it to cross you mind in a bid to protect yourself for if he was, but you have to rationalise it with the bigger picture of what you know about your DH.

Being flattered someone finds you attractive, and actively flirting back trying to move it on further, are totally different things.

To me the bloke in the pub nodding and winking that he's forgotten the number was just messing about, hardly nice or funny, but harmless unless he acts on it.

LadyBeagleEyes Fri 12-Aug-11 23:27:07

I agree with Maryz.

CRS Fri 12-Aug-11 23:29:15

I get it! It is me being overly anxious /paranoid (actually he just this second, ironically, phoned me and said "Sorry I missed your call - it's really loud in here, I'm about to leave for mum's house, see you tomorrow") So I WAS being unreasonable.

Maryz Fri 12-Aug-11 23:39:24

Nope, not paranoid. Worried, maybe. But do think about the anxiety bit. Living with anxiety isn't fun, but talking to people does help smile.

CRS Fri 12-Aug-11 23:40:52

I am actually going mad, I think! This would never have bothered me even 12 months ago! Why on Earth would I even be thinking like this? Oh well. Should've gone to bed earlier.

Maryz Sat 13-Aug-11 00:23:23

Night smile.

You know, if there was something to worry about there would be more clues than this.

CRS Sat 13-Aug-11 00:27:35

Thank you - I AM going to bed --taking the computer with me in case I get bored--after a nice bubble bath now! Whilst embarrassed that I am clearly VU!

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