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To not tell MIL I'm being induced?

(229 Posts)
rooks14 Fri 12-Aug-11 15:00:47

If I were to go into labour naturally, the plan was for me and DP to go to the hospital, if I'm going to be admitted, phone my mum who lives 5 hours away, she'll drive up and clean my house/ do some washing/ get some shopping in while she waits, then when I'm getting close, tell DP's mum, my mum wouldd go and pick up DP's mum on the way to the hospital to see us/collect us with baby!

I'm now 10 days overdue, and am going to be induced on sunday night. MIL is a bit of a worrier, and I know she'd tell EVERYONE that I'm in labour, cue a million unwanted phone calls and status updates. She also works in the medical profession losely and so would practically be wanting to check how dialated I am herself/over analysing every thing that happened/ rubbing my belly all the damn time! (Sorry bit of a rant about belly groping!) It's all a personal thing that i'm really worried about labour and just don't want everyone knowing all the details of how long it was/how many stitches I had etc etc.

Do you think it's really unfair to not tell MIL I'm being induced on sunday? My mum is so calm and I know she'll be usefull and not over beariing, hence why she's staying for a few days! I was thinnking about getting DP to call her when I'm giong into the delivery suite, but it seems out of order that my mum will know and even though we know this far in advance it will be sunday, she won't find out till about an hour before?

ZillionChocolate Fri 12-Aug-11 15:02:46

I don't think it's unreasonable. She doesn't need to know. That said, would it cut the number of anxious enquiries between now and then?

Secondtimelucky Fri 12-Aug-11 15:03:34

No - I wish I hadn't told either set of parents when I went into labour first time round, because it was a marathon and they kept checking on us. I felt like a watched pot.

This time DH and I had some slightly heated discussions and he agreed not to tell them, but I went into labour in the late evening and DD had arrived by breakfast, so it wasn't an issue.

For an induction, no way would I tell them the details (although, thinking about it, my mum did know they'd induce me at 42+1)

evenlessnarkypuffin Fri 12-Aug-11 15:03:46

No. She'll get to see the baby at exactly the same time as your mother. She doesn't need to know you're being induced.

LineRunner Fri 12-Aug-11 15:04:30

You may of course go into labour earlier than Sunday; and your MiL must know that you can't go overdue forever so induction will be on the horizon at some point.

I'd just wait and get to Sunday before you 'tell'.

Millie1 Fri 12-Aug-11 15:07:46

No - do what suits you! We didn't tell anyone when I was going for an elective section with DS1 - just phoned when it was all over. Good luck!

SpeedyGonzalez Fri 12-Aug-11 15:10:32

Rooks. You know YANBU. If your MIL has got to this stage in her life without tackling this personal problem of hers - i.e. her propensity to hype everything up and go into a tizz at the drop of a hat - then why should you take responsibility for it? Have your baby your way, and maybe one day this lady will grow up a bit.

And good luck! grin

LolaRennt Fri 12-Aug-11 15:11:47

YANBU good luck

MrsBananaGrabber Fri 12-Aug-11 15:13:46

If one of my DS and their partners were having a baby and I later found out I had been kept in the dark when the other grandmother was informed I would be upset, wouldn't you OP., just think your baby may turn out to be a boy.

Good luck for Sunday.

skinnymuffin Fri 12-Aug-11 15:14:24

Just do whatever helps you keep calm and focus on delivering your baby. If telling your mil is going to stress you out, then don't. While her grandchild is her business, your labour isn't.

Oh, and good luck for Sunday grin

MadamDeathstare Fri 12-Aug-11 15:14:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether Fri 12-Aug-11 15:16:34

You're not being unreasonable. She's the one who wants to share your medical history with the world. Your plan sounds great.

Just thinking though - she'll be off her rocker by Sunday if you're ten days late already!

cat64 Fri 12-Aug-11 15:16:38

Message withdrawn

MoominsAreScary Fri 12-Aug-11 15:17:32

Tell her and also tell her your phones will be off so no point ringing to check up

skinnymuffin Fri 12-Aug-11 15:19:34

But mrsbananagrabber the op has described her mil as being a worrier and generally a bit overbearing. I think it's fair enough if she doesn't want to tell her.

I understand what you mean and I think that's why the op is canvassing opinion, but really, if her mil can't handle it sensibly then maybe they shoudnt tell her. Wouldn't you be more upset if you thought you'd added to your dil's stress during labour?

Just a thought!

bumbums Fri 12-Aug-11 15:21:40

She'll find out that your Mum knew the plans before her and be offended. I'd tell her but then explain how you'd like it not to become common knowledge. Tell her how you like things to remain private. And turn your phone off if you get too many calls.

usualsuspect Fri 12-Aug-11 15:22:25

Seems a bit mean if your mum knows

Cheria Fri 12-Aug-11 15:22:51

I didn't tell either IL or mum when I was induced or even that I was in labour. Waited til after. Couldn't handle the extra hassle of having to give updates.

YANBU

Greenrabbit Fri 12-Aug-11 15:23:21

No. All of my family and DH's knew when I was induced and they never stopped checking on us (how dilated, what drugs are you having etc?). In the end DH turned his phone off as it wasn't going smoothly and we didn't want to keep having to explain what was going on.
If your MIL is a worrier it will just make her worse knowing, and you more stressed. Good luck with it all.

cricketballs Fri 12-Aug-11 15:23:56

mrsbananagrabber - agree with you 100%, I have just made a comment on another thread that PIL MUST be treated the same as your own; they are the grandparents as well

holyShmoley Fri 12-Aug-11 15:25:27

Don't tell her until the baby arrives.
MrsBGsorry but you're wrong, being a GM does not entitle people to know their DIL's gynae and Obstetric minutiae. If she takes the hump - it's her problem.

rooks14 Fri 12-Aug-11 15:28:11

Thanks everyone! I knew I wasn't being unfair, DP thinks it's not fair to tell my mum and not his. I was worried she'd find out after I've had the baby and be pissed off aswell about that but I'm the one going through labour so I think I can be selfish for one day! Plus I'm giving her a grandson so she better be grateful grin.

mumatron Fri 12-Aug-11 15:29:09

Yanbu. I was not going to tell mil that i was being induced.(had dd naturally in the end). She wanted to come in the delivery room and when we told her no she wanted to wait in the corridor.

We had to sneak out if the house when I went into labour as she lives next door.

In the end dp rang her and told her when dd was born. She was so happy the baby was here she didn't care less about not being called before I went in.

Do whatever makes you most comfortable op.

And, Good luck!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Fri 12-Aug-11 15:29:37

In the end DH turned his phone off

Which is exactly what the OP should do.

We weren't allowed phones in the hospital anyway.

It seems mean to let your mother know but not your mil.

skinnymuffin Fri 12-Aug-11 15:30:33

I know cricket balls but then they should act and behave the same as parents but they don't always do they? I'm sure some people tell their in laws but not their parents sometimes, it's complicated in real life.

Why can't she just have her mum's support without her mil's worry and mithering? As long as they both get to see the baby and spend equal time with them etc. Being involved with the labour isn't the same as being involved with the baby imo.

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