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To think if you're invited to someone's house to eat...

(106 Posts)
WynkenBlynken Fri 12-Aug-11 10:07:04

... they cater for you?

About 4 years ago I decided to only eat halal meat. My mum has always provided me with a veggie option if we go there, and more recently (since my DD has been weaned) she has bought halal meat for us (for which I am extremely grateful for, and make sure she knows this).

However this year we have been to 5 bbq's/meals where me and my DD (16 months) have either had to bring our own food or have gone without the main part of the meal.

The first time we were at my friends and we went hungry, the second time (at another friends) I called ahead, just to be on the safe side, and was told I'd have to bring my own food as they didn't have anything for us. This happened another time and then again at my sisters where she invited us for a roast but was told to bring my own chicken!

I genuinly don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not?! The only reason I ask is because we are going to my sisters for a bbq at the weekend and I just know I will have to bring my own again.

I probably should add that all my close friends and family have known about this from when I made the decision to change and I am more than happy to eat veggie food as I do not expect anyone to buy us halal meat, but just think that a veggie alternative should be offered... shouldn't it?!

I always make sure I cater for any guests I invite to my house, as I thought that was the done thing? I'd be mortified if someone had to bring their own food to my house!

If you all think I'm being unreasonable then I will accept that, I just want to know what your views/experiences are?

Saski Fri 12-Aug-11 10:08:33

Did you convert to Islam? How does your family feel about that in general? It's probably more a barometer for that, I'd guess.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck Fri 12-Aug-11 10:08:59

I wouldn't have a clue where to buy halal meat to be honest. I could be very dense and maybe it's freely available in the supermarket but I've never looked for it so wouldn't know.

StealthPolarBear Fri 12-Aug-11 10:10:42

yes but the OP doesn't want halal meat, just a vegi alternative
OP I don't think YABU

Sirzy Fri 12-Aug-11 10:10:58

In all honesty I am not sure if your being unreasonable or not. If there is a group of people going then doing veggie for everyone may not be an option and I wouldn't expect another meal to be cooked for me. That said I would probably make contact before to discuss what I was cooking and if there was an easy way to change it for you.

echt Fri 12-Aug-11 10:10:59

YANBU. The veggie option is available if they can't their bonces round halal.

Tanif Fri 12-Aug-11 10:12:01

I may be being unreasonable myself, but if you want halal meat for any reason other than religious reasons, I would expect you to bring your own food as well.

Don't get me wrong, I'd cater for those who have allergies/religious diets/veggies/vegans, but someone that eats meat but simply prefers to have it slaughtered in a different way would be beyond me and I probably would expect them to bring their own.

springydaffs Fri 12-Aug-11 10:12:10

It's not about the halal meat though, it's about not providing an alternative eg veggie. I don't think you are being unreasonable OP. It's rude to invite you to eat and not make sure you are provided for. It sounds like your family don't have much respect for your decision tbh - sorry.

WynkenBlynkenandNod Fri 12-Aug-11 10:12:16

I wouldn't know where to buy it either, we don't eat a lot as DH is vegetarian. I would try though but if I couldn't, tell you I couldn't find it.

This is going to be a little confusing I think with our names !

lockets Fri 12-Aug-11 10:13:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupofnamechanging Fri 12-Aug-11 10:14:16

I would provide a veggie option for you, but I would not buy halal meat. I think if they have invited you, it's rude not to have something you will eat.

Oakmaiden Fri 12-Aug-11 10:15:15

Well, I don't know really. If I was going to a BBQ and wanted something different to everyone else then I would bring my own food to the BBQ.

The occasions when you went to your friends may simply me that they didn't realise you couldn't eat what they were offering. You need to make it clear when you accept the invitation that you have dietary restrictions - "Yes, I would love to come, but I only eat veggie food or Halaal - would you like me to bring something?".

And the roast - I don't see the problem at all. Just eat the veg? Which is what I used to do when I was a veggie.

festi Fri 12-Aug-11 10:16:07

If bbq you should bring your own, but if dinner party you should expect to be catered for. that seems the etiqute. I always take some food to a bbq and tend to take wine, flowers or chocs to a dinner party. If invited for lunch to someones house I often take some salad or bread or fruit.

ChristinedePizan Fri 12-Aug-11 10:17:29

I always take food to BBQs anyway. But I would provide a veggie option

picnicbasketcase Fri 12-Aug-11 10:17:30

My best friends are vegetarians and when they visit, I cook something veggie. It would be very rude to invite them and then sit there gnawing on a chicken leg and tell them to sort themselves out.

PetShopGirl Fri 12-Aug-11 10:17:46

YANBU - I would definitely provide a veggie option at the very least.

Fayrazzled Fri 12-Aug-11 10:17:55

I'm another who would definitely provide a vegetarian meal for you, but wouldn't buy halal meat because to do the latter would go against my principles.

passingtime Fri 12-Aug-11 10:18:11

YANBU they should provide a veggie option if they know you can't eat non halal meat

dickiedavisthunderthighs Fri 12-Aug-11 10:18:25

I don't eat meat and usually take a contribution round when I got to a BBQ, such as veggie burgers or something, but usually the hosts already have something prepared, I just take something out of politeness.

BUT the other thing to bear in mind is that a lot of meat sold in UK supermarkets now IS halal. M&S, Waitrose, Tesco and Sainsbury sell halal meat because there's such a demand for it now that it's cheaper to produce all halal meat than have two different slaughtering processes. You might find if you check labels that the meat your hosts are preparing is OK for you.

PuppyMonkey Fri 12-Aug-11 10:18:50

The thing is, though, if ever I go to a BBQ I would always offer to bring something along - pack of burgers or whatever - so it's not such an outrageous suggestion to ask you to bring something along too, least you know you'll get something you can eat there.

InstantAtom Fri 12-Aug-11 10:20:45

They may hold the opinion that halal slaughter is inhumane and so they don't wish to buy halal meat.

You say you are happy to eat vegetarian food if friends/family do not wish to provide halal meat. But you don't say whether you have actually made this clear to them?

PenguinArmy Fri 12-Aug-11 10:21:52

Tricky, I am a vegan but don't expect people to cater. However they normally ask what they can do, I insist they don't need to do nothing I'll bring something but they've always provided salad, rolls etc and tried to do something. I guess it's more that it would be nice to be considered. BBQs are a bit different to a dinner though. If invited to a sit down meal then I would def. consider it rude.

WynkenBlynken Fri 12-Aug-11 10:21:55

Sorry I should have said, I am not Muslim but my DP and DD are. I have just made the decision based purely on my beliefs (DP had no say in it and I was not pressurised into it!)

I def do not expect people to buy us halal meat, I have always accepted that if we are eating out in a restaurant I have the veggie/fish option.

If it was a new thing I would be a bit more understanding perhaps, but it's been 4 years!

As far as I am aware my family have no problem with my decision! They may find it inconvenient though, who knows!

Sorry WynkenBlynkenandNod, I didn't know you existed! I created my name just now for this thread and my elder DD was reading a book with it in!

Tchootnika Fri 12-Aug-11 10:22:02

Maybe the problem is that you're neither a veggie nor someone who's always eaten halal - so your family feel it's OK to serve meat which (presumably) you'd have eaten a few years ago.
It does seem a bit odd not to serve an alternative if they know DH is vegetarian, though. Do they not know this about him?
Also, have you reminded them?

Aworryingtrend Fri 12-Aug-11 10:22:12

YANBU to want/expect a veggie alternative. As PP said perhaps make it clear at the time you accept the invitation that you will need a veggie alternative, and would they like you to bring something again.

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