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To wonder how I managed to start a feud over baby clothes.......

(33 Posts)
Filibear Fri 12-Aug-11 09:17:19

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JarethTheGoblinKing Fri 12-Aug-11 09:21:08

Talk to them.

Tell your Mum to stop being daft, of course she can buy baby clothes, she doesn't need your permission (then add a jokey - but nothing adidas, pleeeease wink ) Done.

With the adidas stuff, have a look at the fit of it. Lots of brands of clothes didn't fit DS because he was long and skinny.. perhaps you could say 'thanks, but they don't fit him properly - maybe try this type of clothes, we've found them really comfortable for him'

StealthPolarBear Fri 12-Aug-11 09:21:16

Why don't you say to both "If you'd like to buy him something he really needs some..." be quite specific.
I sympathise grin but cue 1000 posts telling you to be grateful and dress him in the nasty synthetic cute little outfit

StealthPolarBear Fri 12-Aug-11 09:22:17

DS received a 0-3 month football strip from one of DH's friends. It was really kind of them (genuinely!), but unfortunately we never got round to dressing him in it.

HappyMummyOfOne Fri 12-Aug-11 09:23:29

I wouldnt have said anything to anybody tbh. Its their grandson and they want to treat him, yes it may not be to your taste but its theirs and is it really the end of the world? Either discretely resell them or donate to charity but specifying what they can and cant buy is just plain rude.

My MIL has very weird choice in presents but the fact that she thinks of us and gets pleasure out of shopping for them means more than the actual gift and a charity always benefits from them.

itisnearlysummer Fri 12-Aug-11 09:24:31

Just ignore them.

We don't have that issue because my mum is disinterested and MIL has more to do with BIL and his family because they have the same interests/tastes in stuff.

However, I know that BIL and his wife had similar issues with the grandparents trying to outdo each other. In the end they just ignored them. They put clothes they didn't like in charity shops and enjoyed all the babysitting they got!

My MIL has very occasionally bought my DCs some truly awful stuff from JJB or other such shithole and they never see the light of day. If they won't listen, just let them get on with it and don't worry yourselves over it!

antshouse Fri 12-Aug-11 09:24:50

Do you see mil very often? If not can't you just accept the clothes, take a picture of him in them for her, then if she asks why he isn't in them next time she sees him just say he's growing so fast.
Stockpile the clothes and donate them to the next baby in the family.

Anifrangapani Fri 12-Aug-11 09:25:42

Oh the joys of competitive grandparenting.

Point 1 - you can't
Point 2 - dress your kid in the clothes once and either make it a day you visit or take loads of photos. Wash the clothes and ebay / freecycle them.
Point 3 - be honest with your mum. It will make her feel smug that she has good taste and she will realise it is not about her at all.

Filibear Fri 12-Aug-11 09:25:42

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antshouse Fri 12-Aug-11 09:29:28

Ah . If you see her that often its tricky. Maybe change him into the clothes just before feeding him and 'forget' his bib!

MrsPotatoHeadsStylist Fri 12-Aug-11 09:33:14

I think you need to just accept the gifts, even if you don't like them TBH. My family buy for my DDs and my Dad let it slip that one of my Mums favourite past times is going baby shopping. She loves it and can't resist something she thinks is cute. It means I have a lot of clothes that are the wrong season in the wrong size, things I don't like, styles that mismatch with everything else we own.
I always thank them very much, try to make sure she sees them in them occasionally (even if I hate it - try to avoid photos being taken!). I think the joy it gives the grandparents is well worth it. We are just so grateful that the grandparents want to be involved, DHs family are not interested at all, having never met my 1 year old sad

daytoday Fri 12-Aug-11 09:35:04

Put him in the full kit when MIL visits - tracksuit, puffer, trainers. Part his hair or better still gel it. Maybe add a joke packet of tabs and definitely some rings.

Its not a question so much of chavvyness - but more - young babies need comfortable simple clothes. Anything stiff or that digs in is awful for them. Its not like they can move position.

Do take at least one photo of him in the clothes as you will laugh when he is older.

LaWeasel Fri 12-Aug-11 09:44:37

Unless she is really skint and putting herself out to buy these things, just say thank you and donate them to charity.

Maybe she will eventually realise that she never sees your DS in them, and if she doesn't somebody else will appreciate being able to buy them cut price in the charity shop.

DD gets given loads of things she will never wear, I just smile and say thank you.

Primafacie Fri 12-Aug-11 09:53:44

Nothing to add but sympathising with your predicament. My mum has the most awful taste. Cue my 2 yo DD in a hot pink velour track suit with silver applique. Unfortunately our nanny has similar taste so I have to race her to get DD dressed in the morning otherwise everyday is chav festival. NO amount of subtle direction to my DM has made any difference.

My MIL puts everything in moth balls before giving it to us, the smell makes me boak.

mummytotwoboys Fri 12-Aug-11 10:22:51

Just smile and say thanks then leave the tags on and sell it brand new on ebay, she wont know he has never worn it. We have done this (with some lovely stuff to just because we got too much), then use the money to buy him something really nice that he actually needs - Babygros, Vests etc. Tell your mum that she can buy him vouchers or pick stuff when you are out together (or if your'e not that close do the same ebay thing) Everyones a winner!!!

chipmonkey Fri 12-Aug-11 10:36:21

Oh I do sympathise. My MIL has bought some very odd clothes for the ds's over the years! When ds1 was born she bought him a snowsuit which was admittedly very nice but it was definitely a girl's snowsuit! Tbh, I usually just say thank you and put the stuff away and save for when she visits or when there has been a sickness bug and we need the extra clothes because the nice ones are in the wash!

PattySimcox Fri 12-Aug-11 10:42:24

I so feel your pain.

Our problem is MIL likes to knit the most hideous jumpers. She spends hours lovingly knitting them with the cheapest yarn

When it washes it stretches so the DC can't even grow out of the blooming things! DS has got a jumper hidden away in his wardrobe that she knitted him when he was 7 and he can still fit into it at 13.

QuintessentialShadow Fri 12-Aug-11 10:51:31

It is quite easy really.

When my niece was a baby, I loved buying clothes for her. Personally, I am a little against gender stereotyping, so I kept buying lovely navy velvet dresses, blue cardigans, black corduroys, etc for my sisters dd. Until my sister politely uhmed, and said "look, I love that you are buying clothes for dd, it is very kind of you, and I really appreciate it, but I hate navy, and I hate blue, and I am not ever going to put clothes on her that I dont like the look of". Point taken, and I descended into pink frenzy and frills, because that is what my sister liked.

Could you say something similar to your mil, and say that the tracksuits are so chunky, he is not comfortable, and invite her with you to Mothercare or whatever have you in your neighbour hood, and uhh and ahhh over things YOU like, and let her chose a few outfits that she also like for him?

She might have NO idea what you like, what is fashionable, and what to dress him in, she might just be lost and lack imagination.

bubblesincoffee Fri 12-Aug-11 11:06:17

Accept the clothes, donate them to charity, then tell your Mum that's what you've done.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Fri 12-Aug-11 11:07:12

Why can't you just accept them graciously, from both sets of grandparents, and then quietly farm them out either to charity shops or to the Salvation Army or similar?

You could have been more tactful with your mum but I suppose like many new mums, they think everything revolves around their babies and other peoples' sensibilities don't register. Apologise to your mum for your tactlessness and make sure that she feels appreciated.

You could ask MIL to keep an item or two of her favourite outfits at her home for when DS gets wet or muddy - ditto your mum.

And really, 'chavvy' is extremely subjective. You might turn up your nose at some clothing, yet choose to put your child in other clothing that someone else might think is er... 'chavvy'. It comes across as extremely snobby either way.

Everybody has different taste and I've yet to see a definitive statement of 'good taste' unless it comes to behaviour, which is quite clear and is called 'ettiquette'. Be gracious and less judgemental of gifts you receive. There's a way of disposing of them without hurting people's feelings.

cricketballs Fri 12-Aug-11 11:22:10

"how do I get MIL to stop wanting to dress my DS like a mini football manager, how do I escape putting my son in these clothes (I really think they are hideous I cant do that to my little boy)"

just to warn you (as a mother of 2 boys and friend to many in the same family type) that in a couple of years you will purchase nothing else! You may not like them but they are a lot easier for wear and tear of rolling around, climbing etc as they are easier to wash and cope with the rough and tumble.

skybluepearl Fri 12-Aug-11 12:06:10

do a clothes shop of the most wonderful boys clothes you can find - when MIL arrives next unpack them with excitement and show her what you have just bought. put them on him right then and there.

simply dont put you son in MIL's clothes. if she never sees your son in them, then she will eventually get that you don't like them.

itisnearlysummer Fri 12-Aug-11 12:17:57

OP, I know that what cricketballs said is true for many people, but not all boys are like that. smile

Mine has never worn that sort of thing. In the winter he has been known (as a baby and toddler) to wear warm fleecy trousers on getting out of the bath or to the park, but "trackie bottoms" do not feature.

I agree with skybluepearl there's no point in dressing him in the stuff to show her/for photos because she'll just think you like it. Dress him in stuff you do like and she'll either change her shopping habits or just stop buying him clothes altogether.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Fri 12-Aug-11 12:25:29

If you really don't want the clothes, receive them graciously then give them to charity. If they keep buying, say politely that you really have loads and loads of clothes for DS and they've been so generous etc etc, but really he doesn't need anything more for the moment (although of course you may need to repeat this line at intervals!)
As for your mother being annoyed at MIL being 'allowed' to buy clothes when she wasn't ... Words fail me. Is it becoming a grandparent that turns some people back into children? Ignore her and, if they must feud, let them get on with it but make it clear that you're not playing. FFS. (FFS aimed at them, not you!)

cricketballs Fri 12-Aug-11 12:31:05

itsnearlysummer - just out of curiosity how old is your DS?

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