Grrr bloody woman!

[Empusa]

AIBU to think my MIL is being utterly selfish.

We moved into our new place in March, since then we've been ridiculously busy.
Decorating, fixing the place up, and all the other things when you move into a new place in a new town.

Since then we've been to visit MIL 4 times. She lives a good 45 mins drive away (along the M25 - so usually not actually 45 mins). I have back problems which makes driving uncomfortable, so it's quite a big deal to do a drive like that.

She is a relatively healthy woman, able to drive without it hurting etc. She's been to see us once, back in March.

For the last month we've been struggling, I've been struggling every single day with pain which the doctor suspects in endometriosis. We've been trying to get ourselves into a position where we can get off disability benefits and into running our own business. And our pet dog's health went rapidly downhill, which meant we were at the vets most days.

Resulting in us putting him down on Monday.

We have barely stopped, and are in desperate need of a rest to deal with our grief. Unfortunately it seems my body has had enough, and I've spent the day being sick.

MIL has just called DH up to yell at him for us not visiting for the last month. When DH pointed out she could always come see us, she got annoyed and demanded that we go to hers tomorrow.

I'm so sick of her attitude.

Despite being told that my health is bad, she still demands I drive there. (DH doesn't drive)

And she thinks that yelling at us to come over is going to make us want to see her! It makes me want to never see her! DH feels the same.

[DogsBestFriend]

Empusa lovey, I know that you're not in the habit of this but practise.

"NO, you spoilt, selfish foot-stamping loon. Bugger off."

Or perhaps just, "No!".

However you say it, do NOT preface it with "I'm sorry but... ".

Get well soon and may your morning be a sunnier one.

[Nailitorelse]

I really don't understand why people take this kind of sht from their in-laws and parents.
In my view, people have to constantly work at relationships and should not take them for granted, whoever you are.
Life, and not just marriage IMO, is about give and take and when people do so much more taking than giving, then we should simply tell them to f right off! They would soon get the message, or leave us alone - either way, things will be better for us.

[pixielicious]

scrunches sweet wrapper or similar in direction of phone "I'm sorry MIL, what was that? You seem to be breaking up..." slams down phone, removes phone from hook. Sorted

[Empusa]

Oh trust me I would tell her to fuck off! Nearly grabbed the phone off DH to do so!

DH has been trying to get his relationship with his mum to a point where it is civil though (after a long time of it not being) so it's difficult. Normally he'd tell her to fuck off, but held his tongue this time, and just told her we would come over when we could and not before.

We don't jump at her commands, doesn't stop her making them though!

[IreneHeron]

'No, we can't come, I am not well enough to drive that far, why don't you come over for lunch?' repeat as necessary, do not give in or she'll think you're making empty excuses.

[squeakytoy]

Agreed with Irene. You simply say "sorry, I am not well enough to drive, you are more than welcome to come here".. and she can like it or lump it. Or tell her to cough up for driving lessons for your husband.

[Empusa]

He is really good, he shouldn't have to keep doing this though.

He's writing her an email now. Chances are we will not be answering her calls for a few days.

She does pick her moments, it's like she can sense when we are feeling low/vulnerable!

[quirkychick]

Oh, Empusa do we have the same MIL?

You have done the right thing and I know exactly how you and your DH feel.