How much time does your DH spend with the children (without you) on average per week?

[ErinH]

I'm curious as to the average time DHs or DPs spend with their children over the course of a week. Particularly for those SAHMs who wouldn't otherwise get a break. I'm trying to take into account that everyone works different hours doing a wide variety of jobs. I have 2 boys under 3 and a half (the oldest at nursery 3 mornings a week - but on school holidays now, and the youngest at home full-time). I'm a SAHM and am struggling to cope at the moment with both boys 7 days a week. My DH last took both boys out for 3 hours (without me) in March. AIBU to insist he gives me a regular break. (although I guess once every six months is consistent if not regular!) ???

[cjbartlett]

I get the day off on Sunday's when I work!

[LittleWhiteWolf]

Hmm, not much. He quite often does the bath and story part of the evening, especially as I'm getting tired and sick in the evenings (early pg). But not much and I'm still around, just lolling on the sofa or in bed. Actually taking DD out for a while...well, not recently.

[emsyj]

Depends how busy he is - often he works away for a couple of days at a time. DH was away from 7pm on Monday till 10pm last night, but has spent most of this afternoon with DD and is currently doing bath and bedtime.

I work 4 days a week and on 3 of those days, I drop off DD at the childminder and DH picks her up at 4pm, then he's with her til I get home at about 6.30pm. I then do bath and bedtime. He normally takes her for a walk and gives her some milk/toast etc. On a Friday, he does drop off and pick up as his parents have her for the day.

At weekends, he normally gets up early (he's an early bird) and has from 1 to 3 hours with DD on his own (depending how lazy I am about getting up ) He will happily take her out for the day if I need to do something.

DH wouldn't have it any other way. He loves spending time with DD.

[Iteotwawki]

Every afternoon from school pickup until I get home from work (so a good 3h per day). Plus the hour in the morning when I leave for work before they need to. So 4h/day x4 days - 16h a week. The middle day slightly more, he has the youngest all day.

He's a SAHD though. Turning the question around - how much time do I spend with my children alone (ie without him around) - none at all. When I'm home we all spend time together doing family stuff.

[emsyj]

Oh, last time DH took DD out for the day by himself was weekend before last - I was feeling a bit ropey on the Sunday (been throwing up/diarrhoea etc) so he took her to the zoo for the day. Even made a packed lunch for her and everything!

[bananapirate]

During the week I'd be lucky if he was here for an hour.

weekend, he takes DS to a rugby class for half an hour.
I had to organise the class, to give them something to do together

I thought their relationship was suffering, so I insisted.

I think their relationship would really benefit from him spending quality time with them. Maybe sell it to him that way?
Not just for your benefit, but for their relationship?

[ilovedjasondonovan]

I have a 5 and 3 yr old and DH spends about 0 hours with them a week without me. He does put little one to bed every night (15 mins) whilst I put the older one. He will look after them at the weekend if I want to go and do a food shop or something, but its never something he offers to do.

It is hard, very hard, but it does get easier. The age gap you're talking about it hard, but give it another year and it really will start to get easier as the little one disappear off to play by themselves (we lost them both upstairs for 2.5 hors last Sunday morning, was wondering what to do with myself). Good luck.

[joric]

Hmm, we both work about the same... 2 hours on a Saturday am and 4 hours on Saturday night once every few weeks. Maybe an hour or two on Sunday at the park and half an hour to an hour every day after school...
Max. 10-13 hours tops.

[joric]

Never for a full day :( ! Would love that!

[MrsJohnDeere]

2dcs, 3 and 5 years old. Me SAHM, dh has long hours and a long commute.

Spends 30 mins with the dcs in the morning on 3 days of the week - gives breakfast whilst I walk the dog. This will decrease in Sept when ds2 does longer hours at pre-school.

At the weekend prob 2/3 hours whilst I walk the dog with friends. Occasionally more, sometimes less (often has to work away at weekends).

[stressedHEmum]

None, unless it's for something specific like an orthodontist appointment, then he takes some time off work so that he can take whichever one has an appointment while I have the rest of them. Today, for example, DH took DS2 up to Glasgow to walk the route to the college DS2 will be starting at (he has AS and has a tough time finding his way around) i stayed home with the other children. Yesterday, DH took DS3 to get his casts off (he broke both his arms at the start of the summer) I stayed home with the other children. I think that he might have taken the younger 3 to the pictures 3 times in the last 5 years while I stay at home with the older kids.

[scarletfingernail]

I'm sahm with a toddler and DH works 55aprox hour weeks. He manages to get home most nights just in time to do bath, story and bed with DS. This gives me about an hour to tidy up, sort laundry, prepare a meal for either him or both us etc.

At the weekend we're usually all together but we try and make sure we both get a bit of time alone too. He might watch a film while DS has an afternoon nap and I might go to the shops alone. So in total on average I'd say DH spends between 8 & 12 hours per week alone with DS which I think is pretty good considering his hours at work.

I wouldn't call my time on my own necessarily a break though as I'm always busy, but it is nice to get a bit of peace.

[controlpantsandgladrags]

Zero. I'm a sahm with a 3.5yo and 18mo and I find the lack of any kind of break from it so so hard to cope with. DH helps out loads at the weekend, but I'm still here IYSWIM.

[BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger]

DH has our two all day Monday while I am at work, does bedtimes most days and I officially have Sunday Mornings 'off'. He will usually take them and the dog out for a long walk, or play with them downstairs while I read and drink tea in bed

I love working Mondays, I come home to a clean house, all the ironing done, DC in bed and my dinner in the oven. But I have to work part time, we couldn't afford for me not to. So I think it's only right he does his fair share of housework and child care.

[BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger]

DH does work full time as well, that makes it sound like he doesn't work

[Ishtar2410]

He looks after them on the two evenings that I go out to work - so probably around 6-7 hours a week maximum. Maybe a couple of hours on a Saturday, but mostly they are with me. I haven't actually had any time to myself for over 3 years and even on holiday I'm not the one resting and saying 'well, isn't this nice?'.

The concept of sharing doesn't currently exist in this household.

He rarely has them on his own and usually only if I ask him (ie. 'book' his time in advance) even then, it doesn't always happen - things conveniently 'come up' - and I have to find alternative childcare.

[An0therName]

depends - I was working part time until recently so I think that changes the dynamic -have 2 DS's 1 and 5 - DH does bedtime for younger one - most evenings - and we swap getting up in the mornings -at weekend normally he takes them out if I need to get on with something so its not really for a break - but probably a few hours at the weekend
I would think about getting some kind of childcare - even if just a creche while you go for a swim if he really won't help out -
but what I would do is say - I am doing x on saturday am -eg hair cut, meeting friend for coffee and then just go

[Ishtar2410]

I should add that my job involves preparation work at home - for this I have to multi-task as no assistance is forthcoming.

[weaselbudge]

My dh works away a lot and long hours at stressful job. DCs are 2.8 and 1.5 and I generally am by myself with them am and pm about 4 nights a week. Lucky if he looks after them without me for 1 hr for a hair appointment once a quarter.. but he agreed to pay for a childminder one day a week so I do get that time off (although i spend the entire day doing chores it is still a break from the norm iyswim). When dh is home he does spend pretty much all his time with us (and forgoes his hobbies).

[craftynclothy]

You should definitely get more time off than that.

Similar situation here. Dd1 is 4 and has been going to 15 funded hours at nursery. She starts reception in Sept. Dd2 is 2 and at home full-time.

I get 2 hours on a Monday evening at a sewing group. That's my time off. On top of that, dh will take the kids out for a few hours at a weekend without me if I want to study. He spends plenty of time with the kids (it's usually dh who puts them to bed) but that's not the same as me getting a break iykwim (it was quite hard getting that through to dh though - I did a fair bit of "If you were on call and sleeping in your office would you expect to be paid for that time or would you class it as time off?" type ranting )

I am about to start offering workshops on an odd weekend day so he'll have the kids then on his own. We have no family nearby so any time off for me has to be when dh is looking after the kids.

[AngelDelightIsFab]

Funny enough I told DH to give me more time to myself DH and I had this conversation recently. I don't get any time to myself (not including when he looks after monkies whilst I work). Once a month is all I'm asking for.....a coffee, a stroll though a quiet bookshop or clothing store.

[SisterCarrie]

About 2 hours on the weekend if that. He will take DS to his parents' for lunch sometimes and I then get on with the cleaning. Or he'll take him round to his friend's and watch Sky Sports while the kids play. But that's not every weekend, maybe once/twice a month. The rest of the time I am present. Since DS was born 13 months ago, I have had precisely 4 trips out on my own of any significant length courtesy of DP.

Can you tell I'm not happy about it?!!

[27tilly]

I have DD who is 8 and DS who is 3, He takes them to the park every day after work for an hour, Then twice a week he has them for a few hours whilst I go to the gym and every Saturday he takes them to watch the local football team play (usually out for 2-3 hours) I am REALLY lucky