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AIBU?

to think that you shouldn't take your partner's car, if they can't drive yours?

38 replies

kickingking · 10/08/2011 19:05

A small issue, but I want to know if I am being unreasonable.

For most of our relationship, I didn't drive. DH had a car and did all the driving. I struggled to pass my test and then finally passed in an automatic.

For a short while, we shared an automatic car. Then it because necessary to run two cars due to us working in totally different locations, so DH had buy another car. He bought a manual, which obviously I can't drive.

He seems to be finding excuses to take the automatic car instead of his car. The other week, he rang me up and asked me to come home from my mum's house because he wanted to take the automatic to a sports thing with some friends. I asked why he couldn't take his car and he said it was because the other car has a bigger boot and they had equipment to transport. Then he asked to take the automatic car to work because his was making a funny noise.

Just now he left to go to a meeting. He rang me and said he'd forgotten something and could I go out to the road as he drove past and give to him. He was in the automatic car. I said "Why have you taken my car?" and he was all "Oh, it's YOUR car, is it? I thought it was the family car as we can both drive it". I pointed out that it was ridiculous to take the only car I can drive when there is another one available to him. He said "OK, fair enough" and drove off

This is really pissing me off. I know this is because he has found he actually prefers driving an automatic, but he won't admit it because he was slightly scathing about me choosing to take my test in one instead of keeping trying with a manual.

AIBU to think he should rive hos own damn car?

OP posts:

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kickingking · 10/08/2011 19:06

drive his own damn car.

OP posts:

Tortington · 10/08/2011 19:08

are you going somewhere?

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/08/2011 19:08

YANBU. His taking the automatic means that if something comes up that you need to drive for, YOU ARE STRANDED.

I might consider manufacturing such a situation and handing him the taxi bill, but then I am evil.

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/08/2011 19:09

Custardo, OP's husband is rather making sure she isn't ...

Tortington · 10/08/2011 19:10

pedant

were you planning on going somewhere?

NLurkerispackingforholiday · 10/08/2011 19:10

YANBU if you want to go somewhere. You abu if you don't. I think it's time to nuy another automatic tbh.

chicletteeth · 10/08/2011 19:12

YANBU.
If you can't drive the other car, he is effectively ensuring that you can't go out (well not too far anyway) or do things that require you have transportation.

You shouldn't need to have plans in place in the morning either just to justify him leaving it at home.

Why does it matter what she's doing anyway Custardo? If she decided she wanted to spur of the moment, she wouldn't be able.

kickingking · 10/08/2011 19:14

Custard - no, I'm not planning on going anywhere.

He has said he finds it hard to switch between manual and automatic (I think he prefers automatic!) and he wishes he had bought a second automatic. Fuel efficency was an issue though and automatics do use a lot of petrol.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 10/08/2011 19:14

Sell his car, and buy another automatic.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 10/08/2011 19:16

YANBU he is - hide the keys

chicletteeth · 10/08/2011 19:16

I also drive an automatic car. I've been driving for 22 years but drove in Canada where you can take your test on an automatic but can drive a manual if you wish (their rationale is that if you can't get a manual to go, you can't drive it anyway, which is actually true since getting it going in first is the most difficult bit). I've only ever owned and driven manuals but came back to the uk after having driven for 15 years and didn't want to take my test again, Canada is one of the few countries where if you can't prove you took your test in a manual, the DVLA makes you have an automatic license. So that's what I have.

The automatic car is "mine" and DH would always usually take his car (a manual) so I can go out and about. I would be very unhappy if he took the automatic and left his car on the drive so I couldn't drive anywhere.

chicletteeth · 10/08/2011 19:18

Fuel consumption will depend on the age of the car.

My automatic is very fuel efficient; it's why we bought it.

IF he has trouble switching between the two, tell him to tuck his left foot back under the seat since he only needs his right and won't slam on the break accidently.

Iteotwawki · 10/08/2011 19:19

Would suggest he either sells the manual and buys another automatic, or you keep all sets of keys for your car somewhere very safe so he drives the other one.

Completely pointless to buy a car you can't drive and then take the only one you can! Not to mention selfish. We run both an automatic (family car, large boot etc) and a manual (mostly mine, 2 seater runabout) but we can both drive either.

Maybe suggest he gets something like a Prius - he can feel smug about being green and they only come in an automatic version!

Iteotwawki · 10/08/2011 19:19

Would suggest he either sells the manual and buys another automatic, or you keep all sets of keys for your car somewhere very safe so he drives the other one.

Completely pointless to buy a car you can't drive and then take the only one you can! Not to mention selfish. We run both an automatic (family car, large boot etc) and a manual (mostly mine, 2 seater runabout) but we can both drive either.

Maybe suggest he gets something like a Prius - he can feel smug about being green and they only come in an automatic version!

Salmotrutta · 10/08/2011 19:21

Hide the keys
Fill the boot with an assortment of crap essential stuff
Never clean it out and spill milk in it so it smells bad
Cunningly leave it with only 0.5 gallon of fuel so that he can't go very far

He is being a bit selfish - you have no idea when you might need to drive somewhere and you can't if he's left you with the manual.
I bet he does prefer the automatic - does he crunch gears and stall his car a lot

kickingking · 10/08/2011 19:25

My automatic is also pretty fuel efficent as it is only five years old. It's just that his smaller manual is even more efficient.

He would love a Prius but that is out of our price range for cars.

chicletteeth he would need his left foot for the clutch? It's breaking in the manual he says he's having problems with.

OP posts:

CroissantNeuf · 10/08/2011 19:26

It sounds like he needs to sell his car and buy another automatic. Have you suggested this to him?

I know a couple where the DH bought an expensive, flashy car (think Mid-life Crisis) but won't drive it to work every day as "it will put miles on the clock".

Instead he takes his wifes old banger which leaves her stranded as she won't/can't/isn't allowed to drive the flashy car (TBH I'm not entirely sure if there isn't an element of control going on in that relationship but I don't know them well enough to work it out).

thisisyesterday · 10/08/2011 19:26

yes he is being a twat. and very selfish.

custardo... doesn't really matter if she had planned to go out does it? he has his own car, he doesn't need hers so there is no reason for him to keep taking it. and what if there was an emergency and she DID need to go out? tough luck eh/

i'd have a good talk to him about why this is such selfish behaviour and why he keeps taking your car when he knows you can't drive his. if he wants an automatic would it be possible for him to sell his and buy another?

frantic51 · 10/08/2011 19:27

YANBU, he is. He should buy another automatic if he wants to drive one badly enough.

thisisyesterday · 10/08/2011 19:30

if he finds it hard switching between the 2 then i can think of a very easy solution to that

he stops using your car.

kickingking · 10/08/2011 19:34

He can be a selfish git, but I don't think this is about control.

He says he wishes he had bought an automatic now. I don't know if selling it and buying another is an option. We are stretched to run two cars anyway and would surely lose money to sell a car we've only had for a few months?

OP posts:

kickingking · 10/08/2011 19:36

thisisyesterday it's handy to have him driving it as it is a bit bigger. We use it for family days out, etc. and I'm more nervous on the motorway so he usually drives.

OP posts:

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LadyFlumpalot · 10/08/2011 19:36

Action plan for you.

Make a cup of tea
Phone insurance company
Take DH off the car insurance
Drink tea.

This is what I did when my DF kept taking my so fast it scares the shit out of me sometimes powerful modified car instead of his sensible family car. He was driving it like a tit, so I made sure he couldn't drive it.

He sulked for about a week, then realised I had a fair point.

chicletteeth · 10/08/2011 19:37

Yes you're right.
I'm thinking of a manual driver using an automatic.

I had to tuck my foot behind me, just to be sure.

My DH almost sent me through the windscreen once when he slammed on the breaks whilst forgetting the car didn't have clutch.

thisisyesterday · 10/08/2011 19:38

yeah you might lose money. did you get it through a dealer? if so you may be able to return it and see if they'll just swap it for a slightly cheaper automatic? might be worth it

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