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to think that some mnetters will might have a bick shock

(169 Posts)
Laquitar Wed 10-Aug-11 03:46:43

when their dcs are teenagers or older?

They might smoke, drink, take drugs and even -horror- decide not to go to university.

Giving them organic strawberries, an early bedtime and storybooks when they are 4yo doesn't guarantee anything.

Mare11bp Wed 10-Aug-11 04:26:16


As someone who works with offenders, I take nothing for granted as far as DC are concerned.

The people i work with come in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes have had a fantastic upbringing but yet for some unknown reason get into drugs or trouble.

Having said that IME the majority do come from poorer socio-economic backgrounds/poverty or where parenting has been consistently poor/abusive.

schomberg Wed 10-Aug-11 05:02:56

YABU. I know teenagers from the most supportive families can go off the rails. DN is 14 and at a leading independent school, at BIL's insistence, not ours. I spent an afternoon looking at some of her friends on Facebook - all at the same or similar schools (Chelt Ladies, Eton, Wellington, St Mary's Ascot etc) from very supportive and attentive families, though obviously not web savvy ones - and felt like taking a shower.

Most teenagers do dreadful things, there are undoubtedly strong cultural pressures pushing them towards underage sex, smoking, drinking and drug use. Some children are beyond tutoring and will end up failing their A-Levels regardless of the school they go to.

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT just because most families can't change some things about teenage life in modern Britain it certainly doesn't mean that their love and attention is wasted. If you give a child structure and support, help them develop goals and plan for the future then you've done them a huge service. I'd be prepared to guarantee that children with early bedtimes, good diets and lots of bedtime stories will probably, on average, turn out better than children who don't get these things.

The tone of your post seems to be "well, whatever you do, you don't know how they'll turn out". So why do you even bother then? Why not let them choose their own bedtimes and recreational activities? Let them choose what to eat, what to wear, which school they want to go to and when they want to go. They might end up dreadful children but at least you won't have a "big shock" when they turn out that way!

Thumbwitch Wed 10-Aug-11 05:28:29

YANBU to think that a shock might be forthcoming to some parents, let alone MNers, but I agree with schomberg's post.

Better to try your hardest to instil good values and strong principles than to just say "why bother, they're still going to be teenagers at some point".

Having said that - if there were more of a culture of respect towards authority figures in the UK, then the teens might not be so quick to get out of hand. They know they have the whip hand and can get away with whatever they like, unfortunately. Things need to change so this is not the case.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 10-Aug-11 06:14:33

YABU... because you're sneering at any parent trying to give their kids a good start. There's no place for inverted snobbery either. (The strawberries had to be organic, I notice) We all know the future isn't guaranteed. We're just doing our best and it's patronising to suggest otherwise

Jacksmania Wed 10-Aug-11 06:22:35

Wow. Judge much? hmm

TillyIpswitch Wed 10-Aug-11 06:37:34

Seriously - who is daft enough to assume the consumption of organic strawberries will guarantee anything? hmm

You're still giving them a better head-start if you do ensure they have a good diet, their needs met and and educational helping hand, though.

Or are you just looking for valuation of your benign neglect style of parenting? grin

hellospoon Wed 10-Aug-11 06:50:15

A bick shock? As in like my teenager might use a pen??

That will be a shock.

hellospoon Wed 10-Aug-11 06:50:15

A bick shock? As in like my teenager might use a pen??

That will be a shock.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 10-Aug-11 06:58:34

Actually hellospoon... 'bick shock' is that awful moment when you've over-dunked your Rich Tea and part of it drops off into your brew..... shock

mumatron Wed 10-Aug-11 07:00:05

shock feeding my little darlings organic strawberries won't guarantee them a uni place? Well, consider this mnetter well and truly shocked!

I understand the point of your post but was there any need for the arsey tone?

Laquitar Wed 10-Aug-11 07:01:26

Tilly grin no

Cogito have you read my op? hmm Where the hell did i suggest to not give a good start? I said give a good start but dont assume that everything will be fine. Why dont you read first or drink a coffee before you post a snappy reply?

Schomberg and Thumwitch, sorry if i haven't explain well. I didn't mean that we shouldn't bother. But no matter how well we try we still might face trouble (like Mare11 said). I mean if your dcs are in their thirties you can be smug, but if they are still in nappies you cant. There are so many posters say 'their parents must be on benefits' . So if you are not on benefits you have guarantee that your dcs wont go off the rails? How stupid is this?

Mind you my dh does it too. When i'm worry about the future he goes 'no, it wont happen to our kids, we bring them up well' hmm. Yes, it can happen....

Jacksmania yes i do judge.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 10-Aug-11 07:05:53

Yes I read your OP. You're looking down your nose at mothers who feed their children organic strawberries and have a little ambition for them such as going to university. I sense a little class hatred creeping in. 'Don't assume everything will be fine'..... is it 'Stating the Bleeding Obvious Day' or something?

Laquitar Wed 10-Aug-11 07:06:52

hellospoon thats a cheap pen, not a good start grin

SoupDragon Wed 10-Aug-11 07:07:23

I'm going to judge you a Bit Thick if you think anyone believes organic strawberries and bedtime stories solves everything.

" I said give a good start but dont assume that everything will be fine."

No you didn't.

baskingseals Wed 10-Aug-11 07:09:37

in the uk the emphasis is placed on the individual, not the family unit, as in other cultures. i think teenagers can feel alienated from society and have a 'them against us mentality', which is exacerbated by poor parenting.

while nothing can protect you and your family from the cold hand of fate, i definitely think that bringing up your dc in a loving and supportive environment is probably the most important thing you do in your entire life.
no man is an island. the values and behaviour you encourage in your dc affects us all.


Laquitar Wed 10-Aug-11 07:09:39

Having a little -or much- ambition is fine. Living in La la land is another matter.

Don't be so defensive about the strawberries grin

SoupDragon Wed 10-Aug-11 07:09:47

and, personally, I'm hoping for a Mont Blanc shock. I think my penchant for weaning my child on organic blueberries watered by the tears of angels and sprinkled with fairy dust guarantees it.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 10-Aug-11 07:13:21

So now you think MN-ers live in La La Land? hmm Really OP, when you're in a hole, you should stop digging....

Laquitar Wed 10-Aug-11 07:16:09

No Cogito, you are doing it again. I didn't say mnetters live in la la land

Laquitar Wed 10-Aug-11 07:16:59

grin @Soup

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 10-Aug-11 07:17:47

I think you are... 'Some Mnetters will have a bick (sic) shock' is the title of the thread. You're then go on to point out that we feed our children organic strawberries, put them to bed early, assume they will go to university and now that we live in La La Land. You're not doing vey well if you're trying to win friends and influence people.

Thumbwitch Wed 10-Aug-11 07:21:03

Laquitar - I think I understand what you're getting at but if you're still going to cop it.
I get the point - smugsy mammas who think because their DC "have been brought up "properly" etc. they couldn't possibly turn out like those yobs doing the looting, that's the province of the <sniff> lower classes and unemployed." - and you're right, they might get the shock of their life when their Perfect Timothy or Tamara turns out to be as yobby as the next teenager.

But no one is going to identify themselves as said "smugsy mamma" on here; there are a few but not many, most posters (I think, that I have seen) have a reasonable grasp on reality but I know that there are a few (I remember Maryz battling against a few smuggers telling her it was easy to stop her teenaged son taking drugs, for one e.g. shock)

Bonsoir Wed 10-Aug-11 07:23:22

Personally, I worry about our children's future every single day which is precisely what leads me to be so attentive about their upbringing - I am trying to ensure that the skills that will help them achieve free-thinking, comfortable lives are instilled in them as young as possible.

Organic strawberries, early bedtimes and story books are pretty low on my list of priorities, however.

Laquitar Wed 10-Aug-11 07:23:29

Cogito are you ok? hmm
No i dont want to win you as a friend, thanks grin.

Now can you stop trying to twist my op because this is getting tiring?

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