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to have walked out on best friends' rude child? (long).

(215 Posts)
SaffronCake Tue 09-Aug-11 17:23:59

I arranged to go for lunch with my best friend, but she sent me a text as I was leaving to say she didn't want to go out (joint pain- it's a recurring problem for her) so we'd be having lunch at hers. She could have told me earlier and I wouldn't have spent an extra half hour getting ready I thought, but nevermind, make-up's on now and hair's up, too late.

Once at hers, her 11 year old daughter would not shut up, singing the same 4 lines of the most annoying single in the charts over, and over and over. We've got a relationship a bit like sisters and we'd both tell each others kids off without second thought. I asked the girl to stop it, she said she couldn't, so I said if that was the case then go to her bedroom or out to play because it's annoying and very rude and she's making it hard for Mummy and I to talk to each other. It made no difference beyond a quiet 2 or 3 minutes here and there.

After an hour of this my baby can't concentrate on anything, including her lunch, and the annoying 11 y/o is now laughing every time my baby spits her food. So I tell her not to because it encourages bad behaviour. That again works for 2-3 minutes and either another bloody 4 lines of "Swagger Jagger" or laughing at the baby starts up again. It wasn't even a real laugh, it was clearly put on.

After giving up on lunch and trying to cuddle baby in for her nap for another 10 minutes while the girl kept on singing/humming the same 4 lines (just 4 lines) of that infernal annoyance, so that baby couldn't even sleep, I packed up said we were leaving. My friend (who was quite shocked as I would be expected to hang about until early evening, it being quite a drive) asked if I was Ok, I said, "no I've had enough of it, but it's her house, so we better be off".

Cue shock and awe all round, one very guilty 11 year old and a rapid departure.

I don't think I'm out of order, because I don't think I could really have done anything else. If my friend isn't going to insist on basic respect in her house I've no right to wade in and set the punishments, but that said I don't like the scene-making-ness of it all and now I feel sorry any of it happened at all.

Was IBU? Please be nice.

oldenoughtowearpurple Tue 09-Aug-11 17:26:45

Well, you certainly made your point. If you are good friends then it will be fine, and frankly I admire you. She was clearly being a right pain.

squeakytoy Tue 09-Aug-11 17:26:55

You were not being unreasonable at all. Why did the girl not get told to behave by her mother? At 11 she is certainly old enough to know better, and should have been out playing anyway, not imposing on a two adults having lunch.

Numberfour Tue 09-Aug-11 17:27:15

No, I don't think you were BU. But your friend may not see it that way. I would have been just as annoyed. You had every right to leave when you wanted to.

thesunshinesbrightly Tue 09-Aug-11 17:28:05

Wait till 'your baby' grows up...perhaps you will think different.

WinkyWinkola Tue 09-Aug-11 17:28:55

It's very annoying. Why didn't your friend do something about it? Does the 11 year old usually hang around when you're there visiting?

The bit about her laughing about the baby spitting up food is nonsense though.

I guess you'd just had enough, were really irritated and you just weren't having a good time. I think yanbu. I'd leave as well if I'm not enjoying myself. Life's too short!

Perhaps next time the 11 year old won't be so irritating.

bumpybecky Tue 09-Aug-11 17:29:11

YWNBU said as the sometimes proud owner of an 11yo dd who has an annoying humming habit! you asked her to stop, asked her to go somewhere else, she didn't so you left. Hopefully it will prompt a discussion on manners with her mother

SaffronCake Tue 09-Aug-11 17:29:17

My eldest baby is 10 months older than this girl.

AnyFucker Tue 09-Aug-11 17:29:39

I don't think YWBU

I think you did the only thing you could, and removed yourself before you lost your temper

of course it's her house (the kid's) but basic manners should be adhered to, they were not, so you left, end of

FutureNannyOgg Tue 09-Aug-11 17:29:43

Did the mother not say anything to her DD?

I think YANBU , it might have been worth giving a warning (if you can't be quiet to let the baby sleep, we are going to have to leave because babies really need their sleep), but otherwise, I would have done the same. You can't be good company yourself when someone is deliberately getting on your tits all day.

IAmTheCookieMonster Tue 09-Aug-11 17:30:25

I don't think you were being unreasonable, but its not our opinions that matter, I just hope your friend is ok with it!

worraliberty Tue 09-Aug-11 17:30:58

YANBU she sounds like a nightmare...but your friend shouldn't have left it to you to keep telling her.

bagelmonkey Tue 09-Aug-11 17:33:23

I don't think you were being unreasonable. But I do think you should apologise to you friend who I imagine will feel embarrassed and offended. if only to keep the peace and move on.

Birdsgottafly Tue 09-Aug-11 17:34:01

It is a pity that you did not ask your friend to tell her. She sounds as though she was attention seeking. DC's do sing the same few lines of a song, you learn to ignore it. She was being a bit bratty.

It was up to you when you left, i would let it go.

greycircles Tue 09-Aug-11 17:34:11

I don't think you were unreasonable.

It is likely that your friend will understand and her daughter will get a telling off. Hopefully it will serve as a lesson to her.

I wouldn't tolerate that sort of behaviour from my 5yo.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Tue 09-Aug-11 17:35:46

Sounds like she wasn't intending to be rude to you, but was an 11 yr old child being attention seeking and showing off.

Like small children will dance in front of you for ages. They want your praise and attention!

When you packed up and left and made it clear it was because you'd had enough of her, she probably got the shock of her life!

I would have gone too, if I'd had to, because it would have driven me nuts. But I would have told the mother that it was getting right on my tits first, and given her the chance to sort it out.

KangarooCaught Tue 09-Aug-11 17:36:47

No, YANBU.

Might be a bit strained with friend though but if used to telling off each other's children, you might have to apologize a bit for losing your rag, just to keep the peace.

Hopefully your friend too will apologise for her rat bag dd on this occasion, who will be more wary around you in future.

mouthwash7 Tue 09-Aug-11 17:38:12

Don't think YWBU. But sometimes when you're in pain you can't entertain your dc very well and they get bored. You also don't have the energy to deal with the bad behaviour that comes with it. I think if she had painful joints, she could have easily said she couldn't meet up today and she didn't - she made an effort. If you want to keep her as a friend I would be calling her in a day or two to try and explain.

Wallace Tue 09-Aug-11 17:39:23

Swagger Jagger
Someone GAG her!

cornflakegirl Tue 09-Aug-11 17:41:21

Was the mother intervening at all? That is, who were you really cross at - the girl for being deliberately annoying, or your friend for not backing you up? If the latter, you might need to apologise for the implied criticism if you want to keep the friendship. Did your friend realise how irritating you found her daughter?

TheMonster Tue 09-Aug-11 17:41:43

How long were you there for?

spookshowangel Tue 09-Aug-11 17:42:46

i think you were quite reactionary and if you cant laugh off other peoples childrens behaviour you may end up spending a lot of time on your own.
not everyone is going to raise their children to your standards, you say you are like sisters, would it not have been better to have said something to her like i really need to get the lo to sleep can you ask so and so to be quite leave the room etc rather than making her feel bad?

southmum Tue 09-Aug-11 17:42:53

jesus dramatic much? Why didnt you just ask your friend to sort it?

caramelwaffle Tue 09-Aug-11 17:42:55

No. You were not unreasonable.

Cheria Tue 09-Aug-11 17:43:31

Sounds like a brat. Both mother and daughter should have learned a valuable lesson. Send a cheery text to your friend to smooth things over. YWNBU.

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