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aibu to be fuming over my exh

(22 Posts)
Gonzo33 Tue 09-Aug-11 13:05:06

telling our son to text me when he is visiting him telling me his father has agreed I can buy him a PS3 when he comes back with the CSA money his father gets deducted from his salary every month?

How the hell does my exh know what my finances are like and where does he get off telling me how to spend my money, and why get our ds's hopes up, especially when I have already told him no because there are not many games suitable for a ten year old.

Raging...maybe I shouldn't be.

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 09-Aug-11 13:06:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittensliveupstairs Tue 09-Aug-11 13:08:26

Sorry, bit confused by the first three lines.
YANBU to be cross about the ex knowing or presuming to know what your finances are like, nor about the PS3 and its lack of suitable games.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Tue 09-Aug-11 13:09:34

YANU - I'd be raging too. angry

Tell your ds that sadly you don't have enough money at the moment, but it could be that his df may be able to buy it for him during his stay grin

altinkum Tue 09-Aug-11 13:10:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

effingwotnots Tue 09-Aug-11 13:12:14

What an absolute dick!


Birdsgottafly Tue 09-Aug-11 13:22:06

Sounds like it is time to explian to your son how much it costs to live. There is nothing wrong with teaching bugeting, early.

Does he have a bank account, you could turn this completely around, so this benefits your DS. Open a bank account and then your ex is free to add to it above what he gives for essentials. It will teach your DS to save. Is there any jobs that he could do that he could be paid for etc.

It wouldn't matter what your finances are like, that present is really for special occassions.

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit Tue 09-Aug-11 13:30:15

Your ExH obviously feels that you can afford a life of luxury on the no doubt hugely generous maintenance money awarded by the CSA and wants to leave you in no doubt of this!

What a twunt, is he always such a tantrumming baby? I've no patience for NRP's who resent paying for their own children.

buterflies Tue 09-Aug-11 13:34:20

I would calmly explain to your son that the CSA money is to pay for gas, electric, water, rent/mortgage, clothes and food etc. Why not do a simple budget sheet for your son then he can see where the money goes.

Maybe do what birdsgottafly suggests, open an account and put a small percentage of CSA money in it and say to your son as dad only pays for essentials at the mo maybe dad could contribute to sons fund direct.

I wouldnt go all guns blazing to his dad as it just causes silly arguements. I find it best to take stupid comments like that with a pinch of salt and once calm approach the matter then.

YANBU but you have to realise he is playing a game and the best way to win is not to play at all.

LtEveDallas Tue 09-Aug-11 13:35:18

Text back "What a Silly Billy Daddy is! That money is to make sure you have enough to eat, clothes to wear and a bed to sleep in. Mummy would get into trouble if she used it for a computer game. Sorry honey, I cant use that money, but if Daddy wants to give you some more we can put it in the bank so you can save up xxx"

buterflies Tue 09-Aug-11 13:38:56

What LteveDallas said. smile

nickelbabe Tue 09-Aug-11 13:41:07

3rd what LtEveDallas said.

HerRoyalNotness Tue 09-Aug-11 13:41:43

I can see how this might happen. Has you DS previously asked for a PS3?

Mummy can I have a PS3?
No, DS I can't afford it
What about the money daddy gives you?
That is for clothes and food and things and there is none left over

Daddy, can mummy use the money you give her to buy me a PS3?
Of course she can DS

Of course, your exH could also be a twat

Tanif Tue 09-Aug-11 13:51:31

LtE hits the mark spot on. Easy for a child to take at face value, easy for your exh to read as 'piss off you conniving twat'.

Gonzo33 Tue 09-Aug-11 13:57:02

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit my exh has always been a twunt. When we were married and in the ten years since I left him!

I got remarried three years ago and had to go to court to get leave of jurisdiction because Mr Gonzo is Armed Forces. My exh tried to negotiate his way out of paying CSA for his signature. Tbh the money isn't the issue, it is the principle.

My DS already has a bank account but he is not quite responsible enough for it, so what we do is give him monthly pocket money and I run it like a bank account. He generally still spends it within 5 days, but hey ho. He is only ten. He does recognise that he is rubbish with money, just doesn't have the will power yet to save! When he is twelve I am going to open a separate account for him to have his pocket money in to use as a "grown-up" account.

I can see DS asking his father for a PS3 because we have said no, BUT I have told the exh about this and why.

I think in all honesty he is just never going to stop being a twunt (liking that expression).

Exh hasn't seen ds for a year, through his choice, and I do wonder if it was to score browny points.

I am not going to bother responding to him, it will only inflame matters.

Birdsgottafly Tue 09-Aug-11 14:03:58

Don't respond, or get into using your DS for game playing.

Just explain the why's and why nots when he gets home.

If your ex buys him a PS3 all you can do is make sure that the games are age appropriate. There are some games that are but are still of interest.

Gonzo33 Tue 09-Aug-11 14:21:23

Exh won't buy him a PS3, exh made me pay for Prioderm when ds went last year because he caught nits off of his half brother.

Sorry, I am turning this into a rant and didn't mean to, but I'd rather let off steam here than at my exh.

Xenia Tue 09-Aug-11 15:04:25

I think if he were fine you'd not have divorced him. We don't have any money disagreements as I pay 100% for all 5 children and I work full time and support us all (and the divorce settlemen on their father) and he pays nothing so I suppose I should be grateful I avoid money disputes.

harassedandherbug Tue 09-Aug-11 15:08:44

There's a reason you're divorced! And he appears to be very good at reminding of it wink.

I like LtEve's reply......

BrigadeOfLannisters Tue 09-Aug-11 15:09:31

Your exH is a total cunt. Please print this off and send it to him.

Gonzo33 Tue 09-Aug-11 15:44:55

I have to say you have all made me feel much better.

BrigadeOfLannisters I'd love to, but I think it will incite him!

lazarusb Tue 09-Aug-11 15:52:18

My ex told our ds that he gave me £50 a month which he should look on as pocket money angry In our case, I showed ds my bank statements which showed him the £20 per month I actually got.

Your ex is an arse and is playing your ds to get at you. He (your ex) has a lot of growing up to do. Tell him to stop trying to undermine you.

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