OK so I have two dc aged 7 and 9
we are permanently estranged from my mother and my dc are aware of it - the older one has a few memories of her and they occasionally mention that "we don't see grandma"
we still see a lot of my dad and the kids ADORE him
he has a partner now, I have known her for years as his friend and they have got closer and closer
which is lovely, I am delighted for him and he is so much happier
BUT I am feeling uneasy and I need advice
she is an ex-teacher and has gradually got more and more "assertive" with my kids - I don't mind other adults reminding them about manners etc but it is going a little further than I am happy with - she is being a bit too strict, in front of me as well
she and my dad are taking the kids out for the day today so I can get a bit of cleaning done - I am very grateful for this, I really am and it will be great for the kids
but she was laying down really stringent ground rules - they are only allowed an ice cream, no need for any other threats - they will stop for chips but when my dad suggested they might like a fishcake she squawked at him that they didn't NEED it
petty I know but...
and this morning when she was warning dc about behaving well she said "because then next time Grandma and Grandad come down...."
she has never referred to herself as Grandma before and I have not suggested it.. I am not happy with it tbh
probably because I was made to call my stepfather dad and I was fineigled into my kids calling him grandpa (before the estrangement) and I just feel really strongly that it is easier and more painless for children if everybody just sticks to the truth about who they are
AIBU? Probably but I feel really upset and out of control about it, dh is away for two weeks for work and the house is a tip because we had a holiday, then we all had food poisoning, then we went to a festival - "grandma" is expecting to come back to a clean tidy house this evening because I have the child-free time today
I can't explain what is bugging me, perhaps MNers will be able to get to the heart of it? I am ready to be lambasted as well
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AIBU?
I honestly don't know whether IABU or not, please advise me
40 replies
myrosynose · 09/08/2011 11:58
OP posts:
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