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I don't want to go 250 miles away at 36 weeks pregnant. But AIBU?

(92 Posts)
Reality Tue 09-Aug-11 10:18:57

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Zimm Tue 09-Aug-11 10:21:22

You are not BU - you are 36 weeks pregnant and should be resting at home with him on hand. Is there a compromise at all? He could go, not drink and have his phone on him at all times? So he'd need to take the car..

squeakytoy Tue 09-Aug-11 10:22:40

Let him take the train, then he can have a drink, and not have to worry about driving back the next day.

Reality Tue 09-Aug-11 10:22:52

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Reality Tue 09-Aug-11 10:24:47

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auntmargaret Tue 09-Aug-11 10:25:22

YABU. You made a deal, he changed the plans he would have made on the basis of what you said you wanted. It vvv U to tell him at this stage he can`t go. Yanbu not to want to drive such a long way at 36 weeks, can`t he get the train?

cjbartlett Tue 09-Aug-11 10:27:39

I have to say id let him go
It seems a bit mean of you to change all the plans and make him cancel
Sneaky not good

CinnabarRed Tue 09-Aug-11 10:29:24

I have every sympathy. I'm due on 16th September, and DH is taking DS1 (3.8 years) to a wedding several hours drive away the same weekend you're talking about. Leaving me at home with DS2 (15 months).

I do have a history of both early and precipitous labours. My midwife has told me that DS3 will be a homebirth one way or the other - the only question is whether it's a planned or unplanned one! I certainly can't bank on having time to get to hospital, let alone get DH back in time.

Normally my PIL would come and stay, but they'll be at the same wedding.

Having given it lots of thought, I'm OK with DH being away. I've made sure I have friends and neighbours lined up just in case. So my advice would be for you to stay home, let your DH go, and put in place whatever support you need to feel comfortable.

Very best of luck.

Having given it a lot of thought.

Reality Tue 09-Aug-11 10:30:34

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lynniep Tue 09-Aug-11 10:31:35

Let him go. Its really unfair to do this to him after what you've said about him. He can take the train.

sunnydelight Tue 09-Aug-11 10:31:53

I think YABU I'm afraid although I hate to say so. I can totally understand now you are 36 weeks pregnant you want to nest, but you basically made all the plans so they could be cancelled - were you ever really intending to go? If not you should have been honest from the start. I think it's really unfair of you to pull the "I'm allowed to be precious because I'm pregnant" card now when your DH is clearly disappointed. You say yourself he's a decent bloke so I think you should do the decent thing and wave him off with a smile on your face.

plupervert Tue 09-Aug-11 10:32:11

I was away at 35+ weeks, and left a holiday early for what I thought were social reasons (my father was doing my head in). Yet once I was home, I went into labour less than two days later! DS was delivered about a week before EDD.

I didn't even have the objective indicators you are mentioning (measuring large, baby's head engaged); I just was fed up and really wanted to be at home.

You could be feeling something similar. Even if you don't give birth, you're not going to be comfortable driving and travelling with the baby's head rammed right into your pelvis, are you?

Reality Tue 09-Aug-11 10:32:34

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EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions Tue 09-Aug-11 10:33:07

let him go alone, as long as he drives and doesn't drink and keeps his phone on and charged at all times. You are so unlikely to go into labour but if you do, and he can jump straight in the car, the chances of you having it without him are small. All in all the chance of him missing it is miniscule and he won't get the chance to do this for a really long time after.

plupervert Tue 09-Aug-11 10:34:28

Sorry, realised I hadn't answered the question about his going.

Decide what both you and he would resent - all scenarios. Resentment is a killer.

Reality Tue 09-Aug-11 10:34:49

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mummytotwoboys Tue 09-Aug-11 10:35:54

YABU you sound sneaky and totally unfair. It sounds like you had this planned from the beginning and you should have originally said it wasnt feasible.
(as my reasons for doing it were ALSO so it was more easily cancellable)

If you dont want to go fine, but you cant say He cant go when he has done everything he can to accomodate your whims. Why do you get to be precious at 8 months pregnant? you're not ill . . .

Reality Tue 09-Aug-11 10:37:06

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nickelbabe Tue 09-Aug-11 10:38:22

I personally would let him go on his own, and stay over at the travelodge.

but make it clear to him that you'll organise someone to be your birth partner if it all kicks off early. (in his place)

chances are, unless you're like my friend, it'll take more than 6 hours, and if you contact him as soon as your contractions start, then he should have time to get to you.

but i do think he shouldn't drink when he's there, because if he does have to come home, he needs to be physically able to.

I don't think you shuld go anywhere at that stage.

Reality Tue 09-Aug-11 10:39:36

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CinnabarRed Tue 09-Aug-11 10:39:42

Have you got that nasty feels-like-cystitis-bladder-hurting-desperate-to-pee-then-every-time-it's-a-crushing-disappointment-when-only-a-dribble-comes-out thing? That's my sure sign that the baby's engaged. DS3 has been 3/5th engaged for the past two weeks, and I'm so sick of it!

nickelbabe Tue 09-Aug-11 10:40:27

"I KNOW It's very unlikely I'll go into early labour. But I don't want to take the risk. I'm also pretty sure now that I dont' want to drive 250 miles (DH won't drive after drinking so I woudl HAVE to drive home). He'#s now saying he'll go but not drink, just see his mates. And I feel like he's clutching at straws because he's so desperate to go."

this is the bit that's shock - you won't be able to drive home if you go into early labour.
it's not a plan to even consider.
If you're worried you'll go early, what happens if you're already driving when your contractions start? or your waters break?
he woulnd't be able to drive if he's been drinking, so you'd both be stranded wherever you are.

nickelbabe Tue 09-Aug-11 10:40:41

dn't have an induction then grin

Reality Tue 09-Aug-11 10:40:56

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Reality Tue 09-Aug-11 10:43:06

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