Feel hurt by my best friends actions.....am IBU?(14 Posts)
I need to know if I'm being unreasonable or not. I think in some respects I am, and some I'm not.
My best friend and I have known each other for 15 years. She's the godparent to my son, we go out (well, did before I became pg again) she comes over for dinner, part of the family, etc. We know everything about each other, and I really enjoy and value the friendship.
She's been single for a long time, she's had flings, but nothing too serious. She's found herself a boyfriend, and he's really lovely. He treats her right, takes her out and generally looks after her.
Since meeting her boyfriend, she hasn't returned any of my phone calls or texts and it's really starting to upset me. I understand that she has something new and exciting, but I'm still here. I so needed to talk yesterday as I'd just been given some medication for hypermesis, so I was feeling pretty shit.
I called her and it went straight to answerphone. I then received a text from her saying that she'll call me in 5 as she was just eating dinner, and the call never came. I sat there like a prat holding the phone in my hand literally waiting for her to call me.
I know she has some other things going on in her life, her grandad isn't well and she starts a new job in a few weeks. All I want to do is speak to her or see her. I can't remember the last time she saw DS - or me for that matter.
YANBU but she's probably so caught up in her new love life that she probably hasn't thought it through. Tell her how you feel and how important her on-going friendship is to you, and give her a chance to put things right.
YANBU to feel hurt, but her actions are understandable. Do you have a DP? She must have had times feeling alone and in need whilst you've been otherwise occupied - unintentionally and unaware of course. It's just how things are when life gets busy. It's a shame she let you down by not calling back, but would she have known that it was something serious? Were there other people you could talk to instead, friends or family? I wouldn't downgrade her as a friend at all, am sure your friendship will be as strong as ever really, but I don't think you can expect her to be a big support at the mo.
YANBU but she has a lot going on at the minute and every friendship has times where you dont see each other much - it will all settle down again and you will be as close as you ever were. Do you have a DP you can lean on a bit more for a while?
Why didn't you phone her again? TBH if she's your BF of 15 years she could probably take a 'what about meeee' melt down.
I think you need to accept she is loved up and busy- she will probably feel awful once she realises she ditched you for a while. Maybe take this time to spend some time reflecting on yourself and learning an inner support system.
If she´s not a teenager then I don´t really think that there´s an excuse tbh.
OK maybe to not contact/see you as often, but to promise to call & then not is just bloody rude-barring an emergency.
i cannot stand it when people are like this tbh
she is a grown up, not a lovesick teenager.
ffs, when did it become ok to abandon your friends just cos you got a boyfriend?
tell her she is being a twat!
This kind of behaviour is just so typical unfortunately, I have to admit I have done this to girlfriends before and they have all done it to me at some point in our lives, however that doesn't make it right. Being loved up is only fun for the couple, and it is so often at the excusion of all others during the 'honeymoon period'.
I would say her timing isn't great, and she should at the very least have called you back, even for 10 minutes. But give her a chance (for now at least) until she's all shagged out and back to normal
Meanwhile is there anyone else you can talk to? Apart from MN of course...
Tell her how you feel. She's your best friend for 15 years and you can't be honest with her?
it does happen you are prego and not able to do the stuff you could do together before and she has a new bf. for a while at least you may feel a bit on the back burner.
i dont think it is an intentional thing on friends part but sometimes when pg the invites out etc stop, also with new bf we are all guilty of abandoning are friends to some degree or other, its natural when you fall in love to want to spend a lot of time getting to know that person, most friend tolerate this for an amount of time.
her not getting back to you and things is different though thats just a bit rude and may be a different thing all together.
Tell her you are hurt that she has not time for you any more. Tell her that you are feeling abandoned and let down. Write her a letter if you have to. Say that you are sad that she has seemingly just "let you go" after 15 years and you hope that she may remember your friendship again very soon.
Or something like that. BUt do tell her. It's not really acceptable for women of any age to completely abandon their friends when a new man comes along (to say nothing of a bit thick, sometimes!) but it happens so much.
I'm so old it's be years since I've dealt with this, but I think you have to cut your friends some slack when they're deep in the throes of new love. I'd probably tolerate a month or so of neglect before I sounded the warning bell.
Well, I just text her and asked if she was free for me to call her. She was on her lunch break luckily so she said yes.
I told her that I was feeling hurt that she's been ignoring my phone calls and texts over the weekend and yesterday. I now feel bad because she kept saying about how ill her grandad is, and how her mums not coping, she's given up smoking, etc etc, and she feels torn in all these different directions.
So now I feel like the shit for making her feel even worse. She says she'll call me tonight when she gets home, but I'm not holding out much hope.
I just feel so pushed out. I didn't even know she'd stopped smoking, usually I'd be the first to know because we're just so close. Seven days she's stopped for now. Such a small thing to get upset by.
<trots off to the billy no mates corner>
<has a little cry>
I can see why you are upset. Let her get on with it - she needs some space and distance, not more pressure. Have an un-MN [hug]
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