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To have been disgusted by this

(49 Posts)
farnywarny Mon 08-Aug-11 11:07:03

Yesterday we went to see dp's friends in the afternoon for drinks in the garden and a bit of a bbq. I don't know the couple very well (only met a few times) although I already knew that the woman had a daughter who was not in her care (age 14) but didn't know any details and have never asked dp.

Yesterday, the womans daughter turned up at the house unexpectedly, having got a train from a few towns away. When she came in, her dp started being really horrible to her daughter, calling her a slag and even saying to her boyfriend who was with her that it wasn't an attack on him, that he was more than welcome in their house, but to take that slag away etc.

I seemed to be the only person who was shocked by this, and it upset the girl to the point of tears. I was so uncomfortable that I spoke up and said 'fgs she is 14 why on earth do you think it is acceptable top speak to her this way.

Turns out, the girl has been having an affair with a guy from the neighbourhood who is 32!!!! That is apparently the reason that she is being labelled as a slag! I was really upset by this and dp and I ended up leaving. Why on earth is this guy still walking our streets and why is the girl taking the blame from HER OWN FAMILY???

kittensliveupstairs Mon 08-Aug-11 11:08:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 08-Aug-11 11:09:59

Why isn't the woman sticking up for her daughter? Is she so enthralled by her pig of a partner?

I'm glad you left, I would have too and I would not, could not carry on being friends with a woman who stands by and sees her daughter treated this way, in care or not. In fact, I'd probably get in touch with social services about it. The daughter needs to be protected and she has no family to do that.

RabbitPie Mon 08-Aug-11 11:10:36

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nancy66 Mon 08-Aug-11 11:11:39

That is upsetting. Poor kid.

The girl's mother sounds like the sort of woman that puts boyfriends above the welfare of her own kids - plenty of them around alas.

ImperialBlether Mon 08-Aug-11 11:12:14

Disgusting situation.

Was that the girl's father who was calling her names or was her her step father?

What was the mum's reaction to her daughter being called a slag?

But 14 years old and blaming the girl and not the man - that is disgraceful.

ImperialBlether Mon 08-Aug-11 11:12:26

Where is the girl living now?

farnywarny Mon 08-Aug-11 11:13:08

Apparently the police know about the situation, but the girl is denying the affair. Despite the scummer who i sleeping with her going about bragging about it.....

They had her taken in to care because they couldn't cope as she is a 'nightmare' and they didnt want her around their 4yo ds.....I felt so sorry for the poor girl yesterday...

farnywarny Mon 08-Aug-11 11:14:47

Imperialblether it was her step dad who was name-calling...in a garden full of people too! He told her to stop cuddling her brother (their 4yo ds) and stay away from them because she is a dirty slag.

The mum was apologising to her dp!

storytopper Mon 08-Aug-11 11:15:40

Contact social services?

14 year olds should be protected and given advice.

I'm shocked at what the mother said and shocked that no-one apart from you thought it was out of order.

kittensliveupstairs Mon 08-Aug-11 11:17:46

I've just reread this and want to retract my response. Not sure what I was thinking when I posted it. One of the kittens has horrible bum pumps going on.
I'll report myself.

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 08-Aug-11 12:26:01

From what you've said of the mother's and stepfather's behaviour, is it any wonder the poor girl sought affection elsewhere and was sufficiently fucked up in the head (by said poor excuse of a family) to be desperate enough to sleep with a perv?

I just couldn't have anything to do with these people again. Poor child.

SnapesMistress Mon 08-Aug-11 14:27:30

shockshockshock

That is absolutley disgraceful behaviour, I would have been disgusted as well OP. No matter how 'difficult' a child can be there is no excuse whatsoever for treatment like that, humiliating her in front of company as well!

I hope she is being cared for by someone who can giver her affection and is not in a childrens home.

farnywarny Mon 08-Aug-11 14:32:16

SnapesMistress she is in a home sad

didyouseewhatshedid Mon 08-Aug-11 14:32:42

Total scumballs. Nice friends your partner got there OP - not.

SnapesMistress Mon 08-Aug-11 14:33:09

Is there no family or frinds that can foster her? I'm actually tearing up thinking how rejected she must feel sad

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Mon 08-Aug-11 14:34:25

That poor child.

How sad.

I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't home life that made her vulnerable to the attentions of a 32yr old man in the first place.

The step'father' is a bastard of the highest order - but for a mother to stand by while her child is verbally abused is unbelievable. To go on to apologise to the man is, well, words fail me.

I have worked with teenage girls who have been let down by their families and fallen prey to older men. It is a mess, I tell you. Those kids are really really screwed up.

DoMeDon Mon 08-Aug-11 14:36:17

poor girl - glad you spoke up.

Birdsgottafly Mon 08-Aug-11 14:38:04

It isn't statutory rape because she is over 13. Unfortunatly at 14 the police won't intervene unless the girl is claiming that it was actual rape. She obviously needs support, not this piece of ship in her life.

Lets face it, girls are often held accountable for their sexual behaviour and sexual attractiveness.

I have just had to warn off 27 year old away from my 15 year old, many in the group that he mixes in, 25+, felt that she had brought the attention on herself (sexually explicit BBM's). As though it is her fault that she is well developed and attractive.

ScarlettIsWalking Mon 08-Aug-11 14:42:07

How horrific sad

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne Mon 08-Aug-11 14:42:13

So a 32 year old man has taken advantage of a 14 year old child and her family blame her? angry

The SF is a twat and the mother is a complete and utter failure wrt being a mother. The poor girl is really better off without the pair of them.

biddysmama Mon 08-Aug-11 14:47:29

my dh's 20 year old nephew was prosecuted for statatory rape because he slept with a 15 year old girl that he picked up in a nightclub confused

LolaRennt Mon 08-Aug-11 14:52:23

Step dad is a fucking loser, but the mother who allows someone to talk to her child like that?

Just imagine 10 years down the line when her daughter has no contact with her and her "dear" husband has left her. I'm sure it will all have been worth it.

Debs75 Mon 08-Aug-11 14:56:31

The poor girl. It must of been awful for everyone to listen to such abuse an the fact that they didn't seem bothered by it suggests this abuse has gone on for ages. Mother is probably scared of the reactions caused which is why she apologises to the step father but something needs to be done.
I'm glad you showed your disgust by leaving early but as you don't know them very well I doubt you can do much to change the situation.
I do hope she gets some support though

minxofmancunia Mon 08-Aug-11 15:04:14

This is very sad, and emotional abuse by the girls family to her.

plus she's being sexually exploited by some dirtbag..hot horrible.

She's clearly not having her care needs met, prob never has which is why she's engaging in such risky behaviour. Childrens services need to know about this, both the outright abuse from the step-father and the mothers failure to prioritise her daughter.

As she's in care they will already be involved but it sounds like there needs to be more assertive risk management and an intervention with the mum.

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