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AIBU?

to let my new bf pay for everything?

15 replies

OscarLove · 08/08/2011 07:03

I've been seeing my new bf for almost a month now and he knows I don't have any money really spare after bills etc. He loves to go out for lunch/dinner to country pubs and he has bought me something...flowers, chocs, takeaways....every time i've seen him which is every other day atm. He has also taken me out for lunch a few times now. My kids are away with the g-parents all week and he is taking me for a ride in the country and taking me for lunch, and on another day to the seaside. I feel awful that I can never afford to take him out, but I have cooked a nice dinner for him once. AIBU in accepting his gifts and days out and his generally spoiling me rotten, when I can never recipricate(sp)? He is quite comfortable financially btw. Not mega rich, but enough to get by and enjoy the good things in life.

OP posts:

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Whatmeworry · 08/08/2011 07:18

Have you shagged him yet :o

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drcrab · 08/08/2011 07:20

I think if he's happy doing it and really is the kind of person who doesn't expect repayment of any kind (cash or otherwise) then I don't see why not. It's spoiling you and showing you that he really likes you. Having said that I think perhaps you could try and reciprocate by say cooking more meals, baking cookies, going out for a day at a free museum or buying the cheaper items like ice cream?

If it really starts to irk you then you need to speak with him and see what he says.

When I was a student and my then bf was working (in a pretty good job as an auditor) he used to split things down so evenly that frankly I hated it and that was one of the reasons I called it off after a year or so. I had enough of every meal being a 'you ate x so you pay this amount...' especially when he could clearly afford it more than me.

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cjbartlett · 08/08/2011 07:20

As long as he knows you can't afford to buy anything , otherwise he'll dump you for being a tightarse

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TattyDevine · 08/08/2011 07:48

If he's happy to treat you, let him.

See if you can treat him in other ways.

No I don't mean that!!!

If there are other things you can do for him, thoughtful things, romantic things (I don't mean sexual), but that don't cost much, do those.

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ZonkedOut · 08/08/2011 08:21

I don't think YABU. I had a BF once who had no cash to spare at all. I would have been happy to treat him to a meal out occasionally, but he insisted on going halves, so in reality we never went anywhere.

Hopefully your BF is happy to pay for these things because it's treating you and enabling you to both go out when you couldn't afford to if you had to pay your way.

I would chat to him about it if I were you though, make sure he knows you appreciate it and aren't just taking the piss.

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HarrietJones · 08/08/2011 08:41

Dh was like this ( he earnt 5-6x mine) and I paid for some stuff but really couldn't afford to. He wasn't happy when he found out and insisted he paid all the time.

It evens out eventually as I'm now the main earner!

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OscarLove · 08/08/2011 11:23

Thanks for your replies.

I do tell him that the next meal out is my treat when I get paid in a few weeks, but he insists on taking me places before then, and i'm pretty sure he would refuse me paying when it was my turn anyway.

A few days ago he invited me to his house to watch a dvd and have a takeaway. I text him that we could do it another time after i've been paid and that I couldn't afford the takeaway at the mo, he texted back 'i'd love you to come, and the takeaway is on me'.

I make it up to him and yesterday I cooked him dinner and baked him a cake for pud. I think i'm going to bake him some love heart shaped cookies today to show he is appreciated :o The way to a man's heart, afterall, is through his tummy, is it not?!?!

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lubeybooby · 08/08/2011 11:26

YANBU he seems happy with it this way, do more of what you CAN manage though, such as cooking dinner - looks like you are doing that anyway so enjoy!

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attheendoftheday · 08/08/2011 11:42

When I first got together with dp I was a student nurse with no spare money and he was in a good job and paid for most treats. Five years down the line I'm qualified and supporting him while he starts his own company. What goes around comes around. Just have an open chat about what you can afford and make sure he is genuinely happy with the situation.

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squeakytoy · 08/08/2011 12:06

If you had the money to afford things, and were simply being tight and letting him pay for everything it would be different, but you are not. You are being honest with him. Stop worrying about it, if he didnt want to treat you, he wouldnt.

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niceguy2 · 08/08/2011 12:08

Hi OP

When I first met my partner, she was financially in dire straits. So the only way it could work was for me to pay for practically everything because I had a comfortable income. So in that respect its the same situation.

I dont recall it ever upsetting me. I was brought up quite old fashioned in that respect.

Now we live together and she now earns a decent wage as well so alls good.

My point is that as long as he understands that you are not just with him because of the money then it's fine.

The trick is how you do that. My advice is just not put pressure on him to spend money. So don't suggest expensive places to go but it's fine if he suggests it first.

You can reciprocate in terms of time & attention. I don't mean prostitute yourself but there's nothing wrong with a few home cooked dinners from scratch. Helping him out with errands etc.

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Whatmeworry · 08/08/2011 12:09

The way to a man's heart, afterall, is through his tummy, is it not?!?!

I have a lower opinion of them than that :o

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Rollersara · 08/08/2011 12:21

When I met my OH he was a student and I was earning a good wage. I paid for most "expensive" dates, meals out etc but he was brilliant (and still is!) at organising cheap but very thoughtful dates, meeting me from work with a picnic, days out in museums, going strawberry picking so it never seemed that unfair!

Now he's earning he does pay more often than I do, :), but he has less time to plan and I kind of miss those days!

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spookshowangel · 08/08/2011 13:34

you dont have to pay for the whole thing but i would insist on a least buying a drink or something but the making him a meal thing is nice, him taking you out is him showing off and showing how much he wants to lavish his attention on you.
i wouldnt worry to much enjoy and go with the flow.