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To have told Ex-H to ALWAYS use carseats?

(16 Posts)
TheGhostNotMe Sun 07-Aug-11 18:50:36

Big argument tonight when I picked up the kids. DS1 is 5, DS2 is 3. They went in his dads landrover with no car seats. His argument is that it was a short distance round town and no more unsafe than going on a bus! No reasoning with the git (was like this when we were married, thank god we're not anymore) but we left on very angry terms. He would not listen to the fact it is unsafe, illegal or anything. He has 2 car seats in his girlfriends car (who was at work, but 1 was at his flat so he could have used it) and I offered an alternative but was just shouted down and told to get out his house.

I came home and sent the following message by text:

"I am not arguing with you about this, nor do I care if you think I am unreasonable. I have bought you two car seats to use in the car, and under no circumstances are the children to go on ANY car journey without one until they are 140cm tall"

AIBU? Normally he uses the bus, or his girlfriends car, but I am fuming - not least because his Dad sees nothing wrong with driving after 3-4 pints and they did go to the pub as well.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 07-Aug-11 18:51:47

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Stupid question, really.

FabbyChic Sun 07-Aug-11 18:53:54

You are definately not being unreasonable, if he cannot take responsibility for them he cannot have them simples.

worraliberty Sun 07-Aug-11 18:54:52

What Cogito said and if you suspect him of drink him.

pootlebug Sun 07-Aug-11 18:54:53

You are being totally reasonable, and I'd be gobsmacked if anyone here told you otherwise.

TheOriginalFAB Sun 07-Aug-11 18:57:20

You shouldn't have let him go.

He is a dickhead.

If you know he is drinking and then driving you have a duty to report him and do not let your children go with him.

TheGhostNotMe Sun 07-Aug-11 19:02:18

Sorry, Think I have confused with the post.

Ex-H doesnt drive.

His Dad (my ex FIL) does.

Ex argues that when the children are with him its his responsibility to make the decisions and he thinks his dad is fine to drive, (its normally at least 2 pints) and its ok to have no carseat in that situation. I have argued with my ex-FIL many times about car safety and alcohol over the years.

Ex-H has max of 2 pints when in charge of the children, and normally gets the bus everywhere - or his girlfriends car where the seats are kept. This situation hasnt really arisen in the 2 years we've been apart, hence the argument.

He has them 24 hours a weekend.

He is just so bloody stubborn about things like car safety, smoking risks etc etc (doesnt believe is "illegal" or "health risks" stupid man) and his Dad (ex-FIL) is a real old school too ("In my day we all went around with no seatbelts, never did us any harm" shit)

corlan Sun 07-Aug-11 19:29:45

My XP is a similar genius! It's not a choice for your XP or his Dad to make. It's not optional for your children to be in car seats - it's *the law*- see here.

If you want to be really tough, tell him that next time his father drives without the kids in car seats you will report him to the police. Also tell your children that they must not let grandad take them in the car without car seats - hopefully they will pester him until the message gets through. Maybe they could also ask grandad when he's had a drink whether he's in a fit state to drive!

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 07-Aug-11 19:36:23

You're still not being unreasonable. FIL and XP are perfectly entitled to risk fines, prosecution and their own lives by drink-driving, not wearing seat-belts, or whatever else they want to get up to in a car. They're grown-ups, even if they're not acting like it. But they're not entitled to put anyone else, especially children, in the same position. You get a promise from them to be responsible or you can't trust them & they don't get to see the children without you... very simple

TheOriginalFAB Sun 07-Aug-11 19:51:47

He only has the kids for 24 hours a week and can't last without a drink?

TheGhostNotMe Sun 07-Aug-11 20:10:20

To be fair FAB, he usually has 1 or 2 pints in his local with the kids before I get them on a Sunday afternoon at most. I cant begrudge him that - I quite often have a glass or two of wine of an evening when they are with me.

Drink is a huge part of his family, his dad has been in the pub business for years. Ex-H has never got drunk whilst having his boys.

TheGhostNotMe Sun 07-Aug-11 20:11:40

But I'm glad IANBU about the seats. I'm not going to get into a conversation with him about it again - I have put my point across and reiterated it with the text above. (Which he hasnt responded to) Boys are old enough to tell me whats going on of a weekend, so I'll just have to trust him to do as I ask, as their main carer.

Mitmoo Sun 07-Aug-11 20:15:58

Call the police let them know what he is doing and protect your babies. You dont drink and drive particularly with babies in the car. If you have a couple in the evening that's fine, but not to drink and drive.

Birdsgottafly Sun 07-Aug-11 20:18:13

OP if it is illegal then, "it is not up to him when he has them", but it depends on how far you are willing to take this.

I don't think that the drinking is an issue tbh, but everyone has to follow the law. He will be stopped if the DC's aren't in car seats, ask him if his DF is confident that he will pass the breathaliser test that the police will give him.

BaronessBomburst Sun 07-Aug-11 21:50:29

YANBU and I wouldn't hesitate to call the police and report your ex-FIL.

hayleysd Sun 07-Aug-11 21:55:39

Report your ex fil if you know he's drink driving, a lady on our estate got reported and the police stopped her twice, first time she was ok, second she got banned, she lives right near me so drove near where my son plays so I'm pleased she got caught, she was a really heavy drinker so we all avoided her but she seems to be sorting herself out now and realised how stupid heavy drinking is

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