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To totally understand why this woman of triplets did this?

(204 Posts)
WhiteTrash Sun 07-Aug-11 10:45:39

Im totally prepared for freak outs and be told IABU to empathise with this woman. A friend has twin 3 year olds, she goes to group meets with other mums of twins and triplets. One of the women had triplets (now 3), when they were 4 months old her husband left her. Come night time she'd struggle with only having one pair of hands so used to wash, dress and feed the babies, stick them in their cot put on her trainers and go for an hours run. By the time she came home they'd be asleep.

My initiak thought was oh my God! But actually, being a mum of a baby (and child) myself with my partner present I know how hard it is. Let alone three babies with no help (at least, not every night I know parents of multiples can inlist some help but I dont know the ins and outs if that).

So AIBU to totallu understand why she did this?

bananasplitz Sun 07-Aug-11 10:46:51

yes

its neglect

DuelingFanjo Sun 07-Aug-11 10:47:38

yabu imo, that's not good parenting. Perhaps she needs to see if she can get some help.

PeopleCallMeTricky Sun 07-Aug-11 10:48:39

Not as neglectful as the husband though

TanyaBranning Sun 07-Aug-11 10:48:42

No. This is ridiculous. It is neglectful and I do not understand it at all.

PeterSpanswick Sun 07-Aug-11 10:49:38

Must be hard for her but you just can't do that!

Lulumama Sun 07-Aug-11 10:49:43

she left 3 babies alone in the house for 1 hour. presumably they cried themselves to sleep, also I imagine as triplets they were born fairly prem so at 4 months , they would pretty much still be newborn. surely friends/neighbours would have pitched in????

GypsyMoth Sun 07-Aug-11 10:50:49

I struggle to go out for a run regularly because my BABYSITTER isn't always available to be here!!!

She's a selfish person

TidyDancer Sun 07-Aug-11 10:51:01

Bloody hell. She was being massively irresponsible and is guilty of neglect.

I wouldn't have hesitated in telling her that either.

TheMonster Sun 07-Aug-11 10:51:23

It's shocking that she left them, but I can understand her urge to do it and it probably kept her sane.

WhiteTrash Sun 07-Aug-11 10:53:54

To be fair, she cant tend to them all at bed time at the same time. Cryimg would inevitably be involved, prem or not.

borderslass Sun 07-Aug-11 10:54:57

Understandable yes but very very irresponsible and neglectful anything could of happened she's bloody lucky it didn't she's also lucky she wasn't reported by a concerned neighbour.

SuchProspects Sun 07-Aug-11 10:56:33

I have twins and a partner who does does his share. I can totally understand why she did it. But I can't condone it. Leaving them on their own - in a way where she cannot see, hear or check up on them - for an hour every night at 4 months old does not sound safe to me. There is very little help available for parents of multiples, most authorities provide nothing significant unless it's quads or more. Poor woman must have been feeling quite desperate. Hope she's found a better way to cope.

bonkers20 Sun 07-Aug-11 10:57:46

Yes YABU.

LynetteScavo Sun 07-Aug-11 10:59:58

I imagine she wasn't in her right mind...I wouldn't be if I had baby triplets and DH left. I also imagine she went out to stop herself actually doing some physical harm to a screaming baby after being stuck indoors with them all day.

TattyDevine Sun 07-Aug-11 11:00:21

I understand everything BUT the leaving them in a house on their own thing.

I understand leaving them to cry a bit (with triplets who can't be tended to all at once that, like the OP said, would be inevitable)

I understand "switching off" responsibility while they all "go down" for the night - but ideally she'd put her iPod on and do some jump rope or put her iPod on and do some housework or whatever.

Leaving them to cry and going "on strike" while they go down for the night is understandable in my opinion. But she shouldn't have gone out and left them.

Maryz Sun 07-Aug-11 11:00:23

I can certainly understand why she would want to do this, but I wouldn't have the guts to actually do it. And if I did I certainly wouldn't admit to it, because, empathise or not, it is neglect.

And I pity the neighbours.

nykxx Sun 07-Aug-11 11:01:01

same here, just because you can understand why someone does something doesnt make it right.

if i had triplets i would have taken that hour to get some sleep or just sit down with a cuppa, i would imagine she does enough running around for the rest of the day!!!

nykxx

LynetteScavo Sun 07-Aug-11 11:01:11

Maybe the neighbours could have gone round and offered her a hand.

MrBloomsNursery Sun 07-Aug-11 11:03:14

Gosh. NEVER EVER leave your small children, let alone THREE babies alone in the house! I can understand if she left them alone in the room and went downstairs for a deep breath, but running? For an hour? Really?

Bandwithering Sun 07-Aug-11 11:07:36

she's not a bad person. She's [this] far from cracking up and she needs emotional and practical support QUICKLY. I hope she gets it. Heaven help her. became a single parent to two kids under three and I know it is very hard.

GypsyMoth Sun 07-Aug-11 11:07:46

Running is a great stress reliever and it's addictive

I always get edgy if I can't run. Have to admit, my 8 yr old has been with me on his bike on occasion

WhiteTrash Sun 07-Aug-11 11:08:14

I totally agree LynetteScavo. I also agree with you nykxx. My initial thought was how could she?! Of course it isnt 'right' but I totally understand it. My first born was a screamer. Give me three of him with no help and I tell you now an hour an evening with no mum about would have been better than ni mum at all which I gurantee would have happened one way or the other.

bananasplitz Sun 07-Aug-11 11:09:23

what if, while out running, she got knocked down and killed

how long would the babies be left without anyone knowing

Bandwithering Sun 07-Aug-11 11:09:49

exactly lynette, she's not 'in her right mind'. Suddenly single with three babies. She's probably VERY upset, depressed, overwhelmed, sad, angry, hormonal and she HAS to look after three babies.

WHERE WAS THE FATHER OF THE BABIES? hIS X, AND MOTHER OF HIS KIDS IS CRACKING UP SHE'S SO BADLY IN NEED OF A BREAK AND SOME SUPPORT

i JUDGE HIM

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