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to be selfish when it comes to BF DS?

(23 Posts)
EmmaTheFox Sat 06-Aug-11 15:21:20

I am EBF DS, 3mo. With the other two I always expressed some milk so that DH and relatives could be included in the feeding. This time round I really can't be arsed getting all the gear out and having it clog up my kitchen, also I really want to BF until he's 1 at least, when I'm hoping he'll go straight onto a cup, therefore never needing a bottle.

Also, quite selfishly I think, I want to do all the feeds...can't explain why, I just want to.

However DH has been hinting that PIL's would like to be involved and feed DS next time they stay. They live quite far away and so don't see us often,

AIBU to refuse?

Sirzy Sat 06-Aug-11 15:22:08

Course your not being unreasonable!!

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin Sat 06-Aug-11 15:23:57

If your DH isn't worried about being involved in the feeding, then I wouldn't bother changing your plans for PIL.
They can get involved in so many other ways.

Thumbwitch Sat 06-Aug-11 15:25:43

YANBU. I never expressed so that anyone else could feed DS - what a faff! And I found expressing very difficult as well - had to do it a few times for other reasons but would never have done it regularly.

MissyMoo321 Sat 06-Aug-11 15:26:09

YANBU Your milk your baby grin
Whats the thing about friends and relatives wanting to feed the baby? Bet they dont want to change the stinky nappies and wake up a million times a night.

EmmaTheFox Sat 06-Aug-11 15:30:08

grin MissyMoo.

I think I feel guilty because they live so far away now (we moved) and it would be nice for them - I can see why they want to.

hiccymapops Sat 06-Aug-11 15:30:20

Definitely not being unreasonable. You feed your dc however you like.

I've tried to express a bit this week to mix with a bit if baby rice to start weaning dd, and I'm actually struggling to express. Dd is my third dc too, I'd have thought it would just fall out now grin, but I think I'm feeling a bit the same, it's very faffy.

Clueless79 Sat 06-Aug-11 15:36:27

NO! I hate it when people talk as if babies are there to 'have a go of' or be passed around like a toy or pet. Actually, I think I'd hate a pet to be treated like that either. Feeding is to meet the needs of the baby (yes, including comfort and closeness with mother) and not to entertain visiting relatives. There are plenty of other ways for them to bond with your ds - some of the best fun my ds (also 3mo) has is kicking around and playing on the changing mat.

My ds has had the occasional bottle of expressed milk from dh or myself when necessary but I don't think it compares to breastfeeding as an experience - if that's the way you feel too just enjoy it, I'm sure your ds does! It's all about strengthening the parent/child bond so definitely not selfish and if anyone else thinks it is they're just jealous so tough luck! wink

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sat 06-Aug-11 15:42:44

I can see why they want to

Why would anyone expect to, or want to, feed a breast fed baby unless the baby was in their care for a prolonged period?

In addition it sounds as if your ILs have other dgc they can interact with while you get on with feeding the baby, and I don't see any reason why you should feel constrained to put your udders in the milking machine purely to please others.

Why not get the gear out and stick it on dh's and ILs's tits so that they can 'share' in the 'feeding experience'?

EauRouge Sat 06-Aug-11 15:44:32

I remember reading a thread on here once about the same topic and someone said "he's a baby, not a lamb in a petting zoo" grin

There are lots of other ways your PiL can get involved, how about getting them to give him a bath or take him for a walk. You shouldn't have to explain why you want to do all the feeds, there's nothing wrong with it and it's not selfish.

Clueless79 Sat 06-Aug-11 15:46:11

hahahahahahahahahahahaha brilliant! First time I've actually ever LOLed in response to a post, Izzy!

YouDoTheMath Sat 06-Aug-11 16:23:14

Personally I never had a problem with others feeding my DD - I sort of looked on it as having a break/one less thing to do.

But what it comes down to is that this is your baby, and it's not for anyone else to impose their wishes on you.

If you want to do all the feeds, then that's tough titties for them. Not their decision to make, and not something for you to feel guilty about!

ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne Sat 06-Aug-11 16:33:06

YANBU As has been mentioned there are other ways for them to be involved.

MissyMoo321 Sat 06-Aug-11 16:36:48

youdothemath - isnt it more effort to express so someone else can feed the baby than bfing yourself? so it would be more to do grin

poppikins2 Sat 06-Aug-11 16:37:40

Expressing is pretty hard work (well it was for me) so when I did it it was only to be used if someone else was babysitting and not just so that family members could have a turn at feeding DD!!

MrsPlesWearsAFez Sat 06-Aug-11 16:39:44


I don't think anyone else ever fed dd tbh- far too much faffing involved!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sat 06-Aug-11 17:06:57

Happy to oblige, Clueless grin

ChunkyPickle Sat 06-Aug-11 17:15:26

Definitely NBU - I had fond ideas of being able to hand the baby to someone else with a bottle of expressed milk while I got 6 hours sleep in a row, but in the end I find it less hassle to be woken up than to muck about trying to express. Expressing just so someone else can 'have a go' rather than because I need a break is incomprehensible to me.

Let them wait a few months then sit them down with a baby and a yoghurt, or let them watch over while food is spread around the table, face and floor while the baby feeds himself so you can eat your dinner while it's still hot..

ChunkyPickle Sat 06-Aug-11 17:16:19

Also, no matter how we tried, mine just couldn't figure out what to do with a bottle anyway... he went straight to a straw cup.

GhoulLasher Sat 06-Aug-11 17:20:08

YANBU Tell them what Izzy said! grin

OpinionatedPlusSprogs Sat 06-Aug-11 17:26:59

YANBU I could never be arsed to express. They can still have a cuddle, I don't understand the need to feed him at all.

pommedechocolat Sat 06-Aug-11 17:28:36

One of my biggest regrets about feeling I couldn't carry on with bf when dd was 6 weeks was that then everyone wanted to feed dd.
She hated it and would kick up a real stink. My mum or dh would give her to me. MIL carried on and imo got quite rough with her (then I intervened obviously!).
One of my top reasons for wanting to bf for longer with the second is to keep MIL away from my newborn baby (she goes insane with newborns).

OpinionatedPlusSprogs Sat 06-Aug-11 17:28:36

Are they so keen to have a go changing his shitty nappies?

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