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to as DH not to smoke in front of DC?

(11 Posts)
kyacat Fri 05-Aug-11 19:45:10

DH and I both stopped smoking before we had DC, in 2006. A big part of that was because we wanted to be non-smoking parents. We had our first son in 2008. Not long after, DH started smoking again. He has stopped and started and tried to hide it from me but has now just admitted he still wants to smoke.

So aside from the health and money issues, it really concerns me that he lights up in from of DS1 (3). I hate it. I don't like it when DS comments on it and asks why he does it, and tells me "it's bad" because that's what daddy told him.

Previously DH would not smoke when he was around him, but this has slipped to the point he just does it whenever, at the park, in the garden, pushing DS2 in the buggy etc. He never smokes in the house or car though.

DS is now at the stage he's really aware and will no doubt remember, and he hero-worships his dad and I don't want him to think it's OK to do it despite being told it's bad, IYSWIM.

I smoked for 10 years before stopping so I know how tough it is. I'm not giving DH a hard time for that but I really just don't want DS to see him do it!

AIBU? I can imagine he'll be defensive if I ask him not to so I'd like some opinions first smile

GypsyMoth Fri 05-Aug-11 19:48:13

he'll not stop so l would get over it now.

WhatWouldLeoDo Fri 05-Aug-11 19:49:14

As someone who's finding it hard to make the final step to stopping smoking (after cutting down massively over the years) I don't think yabu at all. I'd be mortified if my 3 year old saw me smoking.

FreudianSlipper Fri 05-Aug-11 19:49:43

my mum smoked and i don't but i pretended to when i was young

i am not sure it really matters i know some think it does but children are very well educated on the health risks of smoking and i think their friends are far more likely to be of an influence that you dh when he comes to the age where he may experiment

i personally do not get worried if ds catches the odd bit of smoke (i do not smoke) not when he breathes in so much pollution on a daily basis

Poweredbypepsi Fri 05-Aug-11 19:50:34

Yanbu to ask him not to smoke around your son, apart from the example it sets there are health implications. If he refuses though not really sure what you can do tbh though.

FabbyChic Fri 05-Aug-11 19:50:39

Its no big deal, my kids hate smoking and I have always smoked in front of them, no longer allowed to in the house though now son is 18, but my kids would never smoke they hate it.

I'd let him be, so long as he doesnt smoke in the house whats the problem? Just tell your son that some adults smoke and his dad does, simple.

Sirzy Fri 05-Aug-11 19:51:20

YANBU. The fact he previously didn't smoke near him shows he understands the risks of smoking around him so I think you need to have a talk to him about it

GypsyMoth Fri 05-Aug-11 19:51:47

what are you scared will happen if he see's his dad smoke op?

MadameLupino Fri 05-Aug-11 19:52:44

It's all slipped hasn't it? Not smoking and now smoking. Not in front of the children, now he does it in the park/garden. Next he'll have one inside when they're asleep because it's raining and the smoke'll be gone by the morning.

My ex did this and I caved each time, after much nagging. It was only afterwards that I realised he'd just pushed the boundaries time and time again and I gave in through sheer weariness and it becoming 'normal'.

YANBU. But he's being selfish and I don't know how you'll change his mind.

PelvicFloorOfSteel Fri 05-Aug-11 19:53:32

Do you know why he started again and whether he'd have any interest in trying to give up? If not I think it's a fair compromise to not smoke in front of or around the DC.

DP and I have both had a lapse (given up again now) since having DS1 but never smoked in front of him.

kyacat Fri 05-Aug-11 20:15:42

IloveTIFFANY I think that telling DC that smoking is 'bad', and then him seeing his dad doing it creates a conflict as he thinks his dad is the best and looks up to him as his role model, yet he is seeing him do something 'bad'. I realise that at 3 he is very young and therefore won't decide to take up smoking to be like his dad, and that in his teenage years it will be more of an issue, but it just doesn't sit well with me to tell him one thing then do the other. I appreciate I might not be being rational, hence the post here.

DS has started asking questions about it and commenting on the smell of smoke - outside when DH does it, and also on his clothes and breath. DH made the 'bad' comments as DS asked about it. We didn't discuss before that how best explain it, so maybe we need to talk about that.

MadameLupino yes it has slipped. I occasionally nag him about smoking but tbh I realise that there is no point, as he has to want to stop and just now he obviously doesn't. The expense and health issues have no impact on him really.

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