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I have lost my usual judgement and don't trust my pregnancy hormones, was DH ABU?

(63 Posts)
SenoritaViva Fri 05-Aug-11 16:54:38

Got an email today from a friend organising a birthday weekend 2 weeks after my due date.

20 minutes later husband replies accepting on his behalf and saying I probably won't as I will have just given birth.

Last time I had an emergency CS and we don't know whether I'll have an elective this time yet etc. etc.

Actually I don't really have so much of a problem with him going away, I just think he could have chatted to me about it first; not asking my permission but sounding me out rather than just assuming I'll be left with the two children for the weekend.

Is it pregnancy hormones making me a bit sensitive (and have I been reading too much MN???) I'm not angry and certainly I don't want to start a fight but would it be unreasonable for me to point out that maybe that was a bit selfish not to talk it through together first?

It's not like the guy needed an immediate answer, it's in 6 months time!

SenoritaViva Fri 05-Aug-11 16:55:34

Was DH ABU? blush Silly me, was DH BU? (too many acronyms, too confusing for my addled brain).

fluffles Fri 05-Aug-11 16:58:08

if this is your second then DH is being totally unreasonable, unless he's taking the older child with him?

PhilipJFry Fri 05-Aug-11 16:58:16

I don't think you're being too sensitive. Talk to him and tell him you know he wants to go, but that a fortnight after birth is too soon for you to have a newborn and another child to look after for a weekend. Especially when you could be recovering from surgery (c-section). A weekend would be too much for me.

WibblyBibble Fri 05-Aug-11 16:58:29

YANBU. You will have just given birth- to HIS child too, so he should be there with you as much as possible. Especially if you might end up with a CS and thus shouldn't be lifting heavy baby things or rushing around on your own. He gets two weeks paternity leave (at least), so that's an indication that the first two weeks, he's supposed to be there helping you and bonding with his child. Anything else is arseholery.

Glitterknickaz Fri 05-Aug-11 16:59:20

DH was BU particularly if you have the potential to need a CS

GlitterySkulls Fri 05-Aug-11 17:00:09

i would have been fairly pissed off, tbh. maybe he just didn't think it through, & when you point it out to him, he'll realise how daft he's been?

nickelbabe Fri 05-Aug-11 17:00:28

definitely not being too sensitive - he has basically said that he's going to go, assuming that he's not agreed to take the older DC with him, and he has said that you're going to stay on your own, looking after a child and a 2-week-old baby.
hmm
I would be having very strong words with him, personally.

nickelbabe Fri 05-Aug-11 17:01:11

oh, yes, if you do end up having a CS, it's even worse, because you won't really want to be on your own coping with post-surgery and a baby and another child. on your own.

ZillionChocolate Fri 05-Aug-11 17:02:59

I'd echo what GlitterySkulls says. I don't think YABU to be annoyed with him, but I suspect he just hasn't thought it through. Talk to him.

SenoritaViva Fri 05-Aug-11 17:04:44

The birthday guy was sounding out dates; the first weekend suggested is 13 days after due date.

Older DC definitely not invited, it is all about food, cocktails, wine and whiskey. DCs wouldn't have even been invited even if DH was taking them.

Again, not too worried about him going, just wish he'd bloody well talked to me about it and thought it through or was at least caring enough to be concerned.

twoistwiceasfun Fri 05-Aug-11 17:05:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nagoo Fri 05-Aug-11 17:09:08

My DCs were both late.

If you might have VBAC than he is living in a dreamworld.

If you know that you will have a 2 week old, and probably a CS to get over, then he is being a selfish prick.

Or what if it falls out, and you want a nice night out? wink

It is unreasonable to assume that you are going to have both DCs while he swans off out.

He should have spoken to you first.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Fri 05-Aug-11 17:11:21

I would be pissed off if he'd accepted without speaking to me first.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Fri 05-Aug-11 17:17:28

Hang on, so he's planning on swanning off, leaving you either heavily pregnant and with a small child and about to give birth, or having just had a baby and with a small child or - worst case scenario - having just had a cs and having your belly held together with stitches and being within the period that they tell you to lift nothing heavier than a bloody kettle - and he'd leave you alone with a newborn and a small child?

No. You are not being unreasonable.

He is being a selfish, thoughtless beast.

SenoritaViva Fri 05-Aug-11 17:20:07

To be fair DD isn't that small, she's 4 so I could avoid picking her up (she'd understand).

I did speak to DH, he's not very happy and I think thinks it is my pregnancy unreasonableness. I was quite unreasonable last time, which is why I checked on here wether I was being. Now I am feeling oversensitive and frankly a bit teary which is pathetic and definitely the hormones.

Sleepyspaniel Fri 05-Aug-11 17:22:22

He is definitely BU. He shouldn't commit to anything at least 2-3 weeks before and at least 3 weeks after the EDD. IMHO. Also him replying without speaking with you first shows an "I'm all right Jack" kinda attitude.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Fri 05-Aug-11 17:23:24

You cannot possibly guarantee that you would not need to pick her up for some reason.

You'd just have given birth. Now, I've never had a cs, but I believe it hurts like buggery for weeks and you are sliced open and held together with stitches, right? major surgery, yes?

And he wants to leave you to it with 2 children for the weekend?

Sorry, but I still think he is unreasonable. And selfish.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Fri 05-Aug-11 17:23:51

Op I am 35 weeks and as I said I'd be pissed off, blaming it on being pg is like blaming it on your period and would only make me madder!

CurrySpice Fri 05-Aug-11 17:25:26

YANBU - that would hack me right off. I think it's rude and he's making assumptions. Don't worry, he is the U one, not you.

Would you like me to have a word? wink

jeckadeck Fri 05-Aug-11 17:25:32

He is BU. You may be perfectly OK about him going away so close to your due date (I wouldn't). But he should have consulted you about it.

Longtalljosie Fri 05-Aug-11 17:25:46

Err - even if it was your first child, he would be being unreasonable! Sorry, he's being an arse. You'll just have given birth, you'll need looking after. Your eldest will need looking after. And that's his job, party or no party!

Lonnie Fri 05-Aug-11 17:27:09

Your dh is being unrealistic even if you go on to have a VBAC and all goes smoothly by 2 weeks after you are still only just coming to terms with dealing with all of this. So unless he knows someone that are willing to spend the weekend with you and is willing to pay the bill for the restaurants meals that the 2 of you will need to pull in then your dh is being very unresonable (and if he was willing to do the above he should have discussed it WITH you BEFORE saying yes he would go)

WoTmania Fri 05-Aug-11 17:27:15

YANBU - is he going to arrange someone to come and help you with the DC? I would be furious if DH even considered this.

Dozer Fri 05-Aug-11 17:27:20

Your dh is bvu. He's either being thick (even so, no excuse) or out of order.

Just cos dd's 4 doesn't mean she won't need extra looking after, she may be jealous or whatever.

And you'll still need him even if you have a vaginal delivery, recovery time unknown til the birth.

And even if you were 100% fine, why would he want to be away at such a time?

You KNOW it's not the hormones!

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