Long post - sorry!
We bought an apartment a couple of months back. It is an older property divided into two flats. We have the upstairs one. The owner downstairs X owns a building repair company and rents his flat out to one of his workers. He has owned the place for 2-3 years.
A couple of weeks back I got a knock on my door. X had some problem with water blockage downstairs. Apparently water is backing up in the kitchen downstairs and not draining properly. I told him to speak with DH regarding it. But also told him that if he wanted to charge for anything as communal repairs, he would need to send us an invoice first for us to agree on, and we would prefer a neutral third party company to do the work.
A day later, some guys come and did the work of pressure cleaning the drain and repairing an iron pipe that had cracked a bit with age.
A week later X knocks again on my door, and said that the tenant below was on holiday and the apartment below was flooded as his kitchen sink had backed up with water, and we musn't throw cooking oil/lard down the sink. We never deepfry anything. We are vegetarian and pretty much bake everything. And in any case, even if we did use oil, we would never throw it down the sink. So I was quite offended and told him that we know how to manage our apartment and we are not stupid to throw stuff down the sink. I an Asian, and I felt that he thought I was lying and frying pakoras all the time 
.
DH contacted X and said that if the drains downstairs had backed up again, it really has nothing to do with us, and the repair guys didn't do a proper job. It seems all was ok.
Well, today we got a bill from X for £300 as as our share of the drainage work and the changing of one pipe on an outside wall. In that letter, was a long explanation on how his kitchen was damaged. I called him up and said that the bill was too high and that a) the drainage blockage in his apartment was really not our issue b) I was not comfortable with him using his own company workers, we would have preferred a neutral third party quote c) I would be willing to share the material cost of replacing the split pipe, but that would be it.
X got quite aggressive on the phone and saying he had done us a favour and we now didn't want to pay and that I was insulting him. I told him I did not want him to raise his voice with me and that in future I did not want him knocking on my door and that he should set up a time to come by when DH is around to resolve any communal issue. And I put down the phone.
Guess what, 20 minutes later, a knock on my door and there X was, asking for money and generally being an arse. I told him that I had told him not to come by when I am alone at the home, and next time I would call the police.
I am usually quite calm but this guy really riles me up. He is aggressive, a bit sneering and generally seems a bit of a loose cannon. Also, I work from home and do not want to be disturbed without prior notice, except if there is an emergency.
So,
AIBU to have said I will call the police if he makes a nuisance of himself again?
AIBU to not want to pay £300 for something that I am not clear is a communal issue?
AIBU to not give a rat's arse about the condition of the kitchen below and think that it is really not my problem?
AIBU?
to my neighbour?
donotlikeit · 05/08/2011 16:02
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Agent,
I am probably going to get seriously flamed for this, but i will tell you what I feel honestly. It helps that this is an anonymous forum, I would NEVER say this in RL to anyone except family.
My general experience in UK has been within a professional crowd and upper class neighbourhoods. Never had any type of problem there. In fact my boss in my previous job, who really supported me in the company, was a part of the old boys network and used to moan that white men are having it so difficult and women and people of color are getting it so easy . And to be honest, I never took it personally because I knew he was talking to me as a friend and he did not even realize how inappropriate his conversations were and I would be the last person to be sympathetic to his cause! So never really felt personally 'looked down' upon iyswim, even though some of the people I interacted had different views to mine.
However the only time my gut tells me a person is being condescending towards me, is with some lower class Brits. For example, I have felt it with a friend's wife. He is well-educated, has worked all over the world and we get along famously. She on the other hand, has ishoos, and is always doing me a 'favour' and being 'nice to me'...I cannot point to what it is exactly, but there is a palpable sense of 'let me tell you how to do things', even though on an objective basis of education/earnings/experience, I have a PhD and have a good job, while she doesn't even have a univ degree. Not that matters, but not sure what the superiority is about, to be honest. There have been probably 5-6 times over the years that I have felt that someone is judging me based on my ethnicity, and in all cases except one, the person was less -educated and from a working class background.
In this case regarding the AIBU post, we bought a flat in a working class neighborhood as it is next to my DH's current workplace and is a good investment as part of our pension pot. Mr X from downstairs, seems to think very highly of himself because he put a few bobs together through his building trade. His experience of Asians probably comes from Daily Mail, and I think he sees me as "less than him". My being petite doesn't help the cause either, because it probably makes him feel even more superior and he can literally "look down his nose" at me 
. I asked my DH (who is white), and has met X whether I was over-reacting and he said no, "X is probably dying to call you a Paki."
So, flame me now and tell me I am the worst type of reverse racist and a class-divider and paranoid and the rest of it...
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So, by your own admission OP, you can take racism from the 'higher' classes because he was talking to you as a friend and wasn't aware how inappropriate he was being?
But because you see the man downstairs as a social climber you find you have to interpret what he says as being racist because he most probably will be, coming from that class?
And "X is probably dying to call you a Paki." 
Fucking hell I was right, you really have got problems.
What a load of drivel, you will deserve your flaming.
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