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To not want to give MY holiday away for free?

(63 Posts)
hellospoon Fri 05-Aug-11 15:33:59

2nd thread today, i have alot to moan about!

DP's aunt is becoming more and more unbearable as time goes on she invites herself for dinner and tells me what I have to cook + have to make sure I buy what she wants or else she will slate me to the whole of dp's family (they already hate me)

She rings my dp and tells him when we have to go round there for dinner, I'm allergic to egg and she once served egg on a piece of gammon to me, she told everyone that I said I couldn't have it as I would have a very bad reaction to it, she told everyone I refused her food and was rude to her.

(all the above is kind of relevant to give you a picture of what she is like)

Now the holiday- it is only a cheap sun holiday a week away. She saved up the vouchers, booked where we were going then told us afterwards we paid £80 ourselves for the entertainment passes and the electricity and the main holiday, now we can't afford to go due to the car (other thread) and various other expenses so to be polite we told her we couldn't go and does she know anyone who would want to buy it from us.

She then phoned to say that she had asked her sons step daughter and that they want to go in our place and for us to change the names over, when dp told her how much they would need to give us she went mad at him saying how dare we try to charge a family member for a holiday! And how as we can't go we should just give it to them! Urmm no! We can't go because we are skint and want the money to pay a bill!

AIBU to think she is really out of order to expect us to just give away our holiday?

Pakdooik Fri 05-Aug-11 15:37:46

She is out of order. Tell her to go screw herself. The family member pays the going rate or doesn't go at all

PenguinArmy Fri 05-Aug-11 15:38:39

Tricky one.

They shouldn't expect to get it for free but personally if I had already paid out I probably wouldn't ask. Although it depends how close they are. She is BU though if that helps smile

Silverstar2 Fri 05-Aug-11 15:42:32

Of course they should pay - what makes them think they can get a holiday for nothing?

Stick to your guns, ignore the aunt, she sounds a nightmare anyway.

LineRunner Fri 05-Aug-11 15:42:39

You've already paid money towards it, but you can't go. Are you in line for a refund?

If not, it's up to you whether you want to sign it over to someone else or not. Personally, I would expect at least half the money to be offered up to me as a goodwill gesture. Then both parties get something out of the deal.

Your aunt sounds ... interesting.

AMumInScotland Fri 05-Aug-11 15:43:18

She's totally out of order, of course. If it has value,m they should pay you for it. They're not doing you a favour by taking it off your hands!

But I don't get why you have to cook what she wants, or have her over when you don't want to - if dp's family hate you anyway, just do what you like and say stuff em!

HerHissyness Fri 05-Aug-11 15:47:34

Why are you even giving this woman space in your lives at all? confused

Catslikehats Fri 05-Aug-11 15:50:37

Can you not get a refund?

I do kind of agree that if you simply cannot go and will lose the money then you should just offer it for free, that is what I would do in the situation. However it would be polite of those going to offer to pay something.

Can't you deal with your relatives direct.

Your DH's aunt sounds like a lot of hard work and frankly I'd be content to lose money not to go on hoiday with her.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 05-Aug-11 15:53:45

YANBU and it seems to me that you hold all the cards in this situation.

Given that your part of the holiday is in your possession, if your dp's aunt cannot find anyone to buy your share (including any cost relating to change of name/other details), she'll be holidaying alone.

I would suggest that your dp reiterates to his aunt that a) due to unexpected financial outlay you can no longer afford to go on holiday with her and b) due to said unexpected financial outlay you cannot afford to give your part of the holiday away.

The choice will then be hers.

BTW hopefully she will no longer demand your attendance for dinner, but if you get another call your dp should explain that you are otherwise engaged on that date - and any other dates she may suggest.

Similarly, I suggest you keep coats near the door and, should your aunt drop in uninvited, offer her a cuppa while you (all) get ready to go out to keep your imaginary but long-standing engagement elsewhere.

honeyandsalt Fri 05-Aug-11 15:53:46

So long as you're just asking for what you put into it, yanbu.

Sounds like you need to explain what happens to you if you eat egg? But some people are just intolerant about intolerances, she probably thinks you're being precious/made it up. Inviting herself round is just plain rude of course, next time she tries it on say sorry you're busy that night and reset it for a convenient time. You could say you've already bought food, or "forget" and just give her what you like but personally I'd probably just give her what she fancies. Life's too short, just let her be petty.

jumpingjackhash Fri 05-Aug-11 15:57:06

Am I understanding this right? You were originally going on this holiday WITH your dp's aunt? Who you clearly don't like? Ummm, why?

EverythingInMiniature Fri 05-Aug-11 16:05:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sandalwood Fri 05-Aug-11 16:14:28

Can you get a refund?
Otherwise halvsies?

hellospoon Fri 05-Aug-11 16:18:09

Sorry i havn't put it clear enough.

The holiday is just for me, DP and DD, the Aunt-inlaw is not coming (never was). she saved the Sun vouchers and then sent off for where she wanted us to go then told us about it and we paid for it thinking we could afford to go, but because of having to pay £400 out for our car to be fixed we cant.

The people she wants us to give it to is my DP's cousins girlfriends daughter (get that?) of which we have NEVER met, also his cousin is often in our area / walks past our house but never says hi lets us know when they are here!

hellospoon Fri 05-Aug-11 16:19:41

Nope cant get a refund as the holiday is in a few weeks time.

Re my allergy - i have told her several times i cant have it, yet when she cooks i find her hiding bits of egg in there trying to 'trick' me into eating it..like she wants me to have a reaction!?

ImperialBlether Fri 05-Aug-11 16:21:51

But surely now it's up to you what you do with your holiday, not her?

This woman is his aunt, she's not his mum (and even then, I'd say avoid her.)

I wouldn't invite her to dinner. I wouldn't go to dinner at her house. I wouldn't give a damn what she - a complete lunatic - said about me. I would keep out of her way altogether.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Fri 05-Aug-11 16:22:48

Why do you let her treat you like this? You don't actually have to have anything to do with her. If you choose to, you do so knowing that this is how she will treat you. Don't you think it's just not worth it? Why are you making this choice?

flowery Fri 05-Aug-11 16:28:49

If you can't get a refund and her son's step daughter etc won't offer you any money for it what will you do?

AMumInScotland Fri 05-Aug-11 16:32:12

So, she gave you the vouchers, but you paid the money? Presumably if you hadn't wanted them, she would have given them to this other relative and that's why she thinks they "deserve" them. But if she had given them the vouchers they'd still have had to pay, so they will still be getting the value of the vouchers if you transfer it now.

I think I'd insist on getting at least some of the money from them - but if you can't get a refund then in a sense they have no value to you, so maybe not insist on the full amount? If they had any decency they'd pay the full whack, but maybe she's forcing them into taking it anyway and they don't really want it.

Anyway, long term I'd tell her to take a long walk off a short pier, and stop being in a position where she has any power over you. And never go to eat at her house again if she tries to poison you.

cjbartlett Fri 05-Aug-11 16:35:00

If you've already paid for the holiday why don't you still go

EightiesChick Fri 05-Aug-11 16:36:28

I'd see if there is someone else you can offer it to who will pay you at least some of the money you've spent. Do you have the booking confirmation etc in your possession or does she have it?

I wouldn't eat there again if she 'hides' egg. That's really out of order.

GlitterySkulls Fri 05-Aug-11 16:40:21

i'd show her the door, tell her to do one.

the egg thing has me sitting here like shock

LolaRennt Fri 05-Aug-11 16:41:21

you specifically said you wanted money for it, and then she offered it for free. Its not tricky at all. you havent got the money, you need the money. She can fuck off really

LolaRennt Fri 05-Aug-11 16:43:15

She probably thinks you made up the allergy, and is trying to be clever by proving you dont, she sounds like a twat.

LolaRennt Fri 05-Aug-11 16:44:36

ALso it shoudl go with out saying, but you really shoudl stop talking to this woman full stop. If you want to not fall out with fmaily just find a way to always be busy and see them on your time very occasionally

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