AIBU to be bored of baby talk?(20 Posts)
OK, here goes....
I have a great NCT group, we've supported each other through the last few months of our pregnancies and first year of our babies lives. We meet up at least twice a week for baby related activities. I am quite sure that my year of maternity leave would not have been as enjoyable without this group of mums BUT.....
I'm so freaking bored of talking about our babies literally all of the time! I love my DD with all of my heart, she is the best thing I have ever done but I really do want (need) to have the odd adult conversation in which she is not the main topic. Yes, weaning is a big step and it's a little nerve racking at times but do we need to talk about every single morsel of food that each of our babies have consumed, every single time we meet? All babies are different and develop at different rates, do we need to compare them all against each other quite so much? When does the constant talk of babies stop?
I'm being harsh and ungrateful aren't I? Go on, you can say it. It's time to go back to work isn't?
Yep, you need to go back to work. I'm with you on the baby talk: I met my NCT group twice after DS was born and got so bored i could feel my brain leaking out through my ears. I'm interested in my DS, but I'm not kidding myself that anyone else except DH is, and I certainly wasn't interested in the minutiae of their babies' routine.
Maybe at least some of the others feel the same? Is there one person you feel closer to that you might be able to have an "adult" conversation with? My first NCT group was a dud, the second became a group of really important women in my life. We probably did talk babies for a while but we all knew there was more to us than that. I would suggest that you be brave and plan a night out without babies where all baby talk is banned. If you don't get any takers or a shock/horror response to the very idea it's probably time to move on.
Have you tried starting non-baby related conversations? If so what happens?
Go back to work. I have decided not to join the NCT after reading threads on MN. What I would hope to gain from spending time with a load of other women with whom I have nothing in common apart from the fact we have bred is eluding me so I am giving it a miss. YANBU - I bet you child is delightful and amazing but you know that- you don't need to spend the rest of your life discussing it with other mums or getting a minute by minute account of their childrens lives.
In the end the only good thing about going back to work (at eleven weeks) was that first conversation that wasn't about my baby, or someone elses baby.
I could feel my brain re-inflating with every word.
It was about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Do you ever get to go out and meet friends without your baby? Or have any friends who don't have children (or indeed have older ones)?
I think if you're starting to feel like it's time to go back to work, it probably is!
No, you're not BU.
You meet them too often IMO. Once a MONTH was too much for me!
And my group seemed to spend most of their time complaining that all we ever talk about is babies, without actually coming up with ideas for alternative conversation.
I just used to zone out.
Arrange a night out without babies/partners. Dirnk plenty of wine
Get properly trashed either someone will fall over with their knickers on their head or confess that they have been having an affair with their BIL for the past ten years and then next time you meet you can stop teh pretence of being interested in each others babies.
If in fact you go out share 2 bottles of wine between 9 of you then go back to work (or get some more interesting friends )
I found this with my mothers' group. I think it must have something to do with the fact you are thrown together for the sole reason of babies as I haven't found it with friends I knew before having kids who also had babies at the same stage, ie we can have non-baby conversations.
I don't know why it should follow that a mother should go back to work - surely some SAHMs aren't just onetrack babyphiles. I thought at least half the point of a mothers' group would be to talk about non-baby stuff, esp for SAHMs. But sure enough, if you mention something else, maybe you might get one response before it drifts back onto what f-ing brand of nappies you've got or where to get cheapest babywipes ffs. I used to sit there thinking I was greatful to get out the house & socialise until I thought enough is enough & left them to it.
No YANBU. I have friends who seem to have had total personality transplants after they had kids for a bit. I'm all for being able to talk about it for support and solidarity but there are definitely people who don't know where to draw the line. I have to say this is what put me off NCT in the first place: it seemed to be a magnet for the kind of alpha mummies who were top dog in the workplace and poured all that hyper-competitiveness into parenting and didn't know where to leave off. Think its fine for a bit but you need to be able to step back and re-enter adult life. Going back to work will probably help a lot, after you've got over the stress.
YANBU, but a) it's the most obvious failsafe topic of conversation for a group of people with babies and b) lots of people who have recently had babies do want to talk about them. They're fascinated by what their baby does and what other people's babies are doing. It's a new and exciting experience for them and they want to share it with others.
I enjoy meeting my group; I think we're lucky that we all seem to get on ok. However we do usually meet once a week and I think this may be slightly too often as our babies get older (oldest is 6 months now). I shall propose fewer meetings!
cant you just bring up other topics? if the babies are 1 yr old or nearly one surely the other mums are not still only talking about baby things?? most people have acheived a bit more balance by that point!
YANBU, it's fucking dull hearing people drone on and on and on about their kids (esp when you make a special effort to not bring yours up in conversation, to avoid being a baby bore). It doesn't necessarily mean it's time to go back to work though - don't let the NCT dullards hound you back into an office if you're not ready in yourself. It does sound like it's time for you to be "busy" when your NCT group meets up, though... why not ditch them and look for some other mum friends and then see how you feel about returning to work?
I suspect everything is baby-related because it's the thing you all have in common. If you look at conversations between groups of female friends they tend to be about shared experiences and shared acquaintances.
Have you tried finding out if anyone has any shared interests other than babies ?
jeckadeck That's my experience encapsulated in one sentence! If I could do it all over again I would have avoided the NCT - I didn't learn anything from it that I hadn't picked up from a book/the internet/midwife, and they were all alpha mums with pretty high-powered careers (I have very little career ambition so felt like the bimbo of the gang, despite being reasonably intelligent).
Just shows it's the luck of the draw - I'm definitely a beta mum, possibly even a gamma, but my career is v. important to me and DH gave up work when DS was born to be SAHD. I ended up in an NCT group with a bunch of women who felt it was a point of honour not to be going back to work and definitely sneered at me (and even more at DH for not earning megabucks).
I am glad I joined my NCT group, I really am. In those first few months when I felt like I was losing my mind with various breast feeding issues, they really did support me and help me through it all. I've guenuinley found it useful to have a group of people going through the same stuff and the same time. Please don't let this thread put anyone off joining if they were considering it. These are women that I would have probably been able to be friends with pre-babies and we have had a few really good nights out to be fair.. I've just got to the point where I want to shout out 'I don't care what size nappies you baby is wearing, I do not need this information'. Then I feel awful for being so mean.
I have desperately tried to start up non-baby conversations but it always swings back to the same old, same old.
I'm sure some of the other Mums must be tired of it all too but, as in most groups, there are a couple of stronger personalities that seem to control the conversation most of the time.
I think the answer is to meet less often isn't it? Most of my friends don't have children and work so it's been easy to fall into meeting up with the Mums a couple of times a week (and I have enjoyed doing so most of the time). It has become a little claustrophobic though I have to admit as I have started to feel like I can't do anything independently, all baby related activity has to me en mass!!
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