over dc's holiday with me, and dc's holiday with their Dad?(5 Posts)
This is partly AIBU, partly just a rant, but I would appreciate other peoples opinions.
DC, DH and I are going abroad on holiday in two weeks time. It has been booked since January. Ex dp has known all the arrangements since it was booked, and had been nagged by me countless times to let me know when/if he wanted to take the dc away over the summer, as he usually has them for a week or two over the summer.
I should say we usually get on very very well, but I suppose this serves me right as I have said on here a few times recently that we have a fab realtionship. Anyway - the issue is this.
Ex told me a few days after the start of the school holidays that he wanted to take them camping for a week, and they would be coming back the day before we go abroad. Not ideal, but ok. Then he told me a couple of days ago that he would be bringing them back at 3.00 - 4.00 pm on the day before we leave. On the day we fly, we have to leave for the airport at 3.00 am, crap time, but it does make a holiday considerably cheaper.
I rang him earlier to finalise arrangements, and said I was a bit concerned that they were going to be getting back so late, and was there any chance he could bring them home the day before, or leave earlier in the morning. If they were back in plenty of time, the dc would have time to relax, or more likely get on the computer, after they have done a four hour car journey, and they would have time to pack their own hand luggage with the things they want to take on holiday. I would also have a bit of time to wash some of their clothes ready to take on our holiday.
Ex says I should be packing their bags for them, because his parents always did it for him and that he was only going to take clothes on his camping trip that the dc had been given as hand me downs from their cousin on his side, so I should only take clothes on holiday that I had bought.
It normally works fine when he keeps the clothes from his family at his house, but my dc don't have loads at our house and as we won't have washing facilities where we are going and I stupidly assumed these clothes belonged to our dc and not him, I asked ages ago if I could take some on holiday and he was fine with that. He seems to think that me wanting the dc to pack their own bags is me being lazy, and nothing at all do do with the fact that they are 9 and 11 and are capable of learning some responsibility for their own stuff.
By the way, they will be camping with ex's new dp and her children, and ex will be going back to join his dp for a few more days after he has brought my dc home, and even if he brings them back a day early, they will still have a full week camping together.
AIBU to want him to come home early on that day and have time to relax and pack before a days travelling?
Sorry, I know this is a mammoth post for something very trivial! The typing is cathartic!
Do you trust him not to sabotage your holiday any further? I would worry that he will make you miss your flights!
I do trust him not to do anything on purpose, but I don't trust him to get up and going on time on the day. And I don't trust his car not to break down!
It sounds like he is causing you a huge amount of stress and it is hard to think that there isn't something just a little bit deliberate about it. You told him your plans ages ago, it is perfectly reasonable to expect him to to allow for them and factor in a bit of time for something to go wrong. Cutting it so fine just seems a bit malicious in my opinion. I would try and insist he brings them back a day earlier, if he won't is there any way you could go and collect them (or maybe that's what he is hoping for to save himself a journey!). Hope it gets sorted.
Get them to partly pack their bags for their holiday with you BEFORE they go on the camping trip, then there isnt much to do once they get back. And ask him to drop off the clothes that he has, that you need, BEFORE the camping too, so that they can be packed ready.
I wouldnt have thought children of that age would be packing unsupervised anyway.
Also, take a pack of handwashing liquid with you, as there is bound to be running water where you are, so you can do bits of laundry if you need to.
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