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Maternity nurses make me angry

(88 Posts)
Jennytailia Wed 03-Aug-11 06:56:37

Maybe its because im really tired from getting up at 5am with DD, or maybe its because im jealous.

I just feel like its cheating a bit to organise overnight help from the day your baby is born, to actually plan for and book a maternity nurse.

Surely you expect a certain amount of sleeplessness when you have a baby. And if you dont go through those tough times, how can you appreciate the good times and get to know your baby properly.

Sometimes it just feels like money can buy you anything.

belgo Wed 03-Aug-11 06:57:39

I don't know anyone who has had one. Do you? are they common?

twolittlekittens Wed 03-Aug-11 06:58:55

YANBU, you do sound jealous though. I know nothing of maternity nurses, but would have paid a thousand pounds, yes a whole thousand pounds so someone could sit with DD overnight while I slept.

MissusCT Wed 03-Aug-11 07:02:05

YANBU, agree with twolittlekittens that you sound jealous. I don't blame you, I feel jealous too. If it turned out I'd won the lottery I don't think I could put a price on getting a decent night's sleep (DD is almost 4 weeks, I've slept about 5 minutes of that).

Icelollycraving Wed 03-Aug-11 07:02:47

Yabu. If someone has a nanny or a childminder does that annoy you too.
If I could afford it,I may have had one but I'm doing the baby feeds through the night,miss my sleep & would function much better with a non fuzzy sleep disturbed head.

fivegomadindorset Wed 03-Aug-11 07:03:32

God I would have given anything to have had someone to help at nights with DS, I might have actuakky remembered something positive from his first five months.

wem Wed 03-Aug-11 07:03:37

Huh? Cheating? Cheating at what? The only thing I'd say is that it doesn't sound compatible with breastfeeding, but if that's their choice then it sounds like a brilliant idea.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 03-Aug-11 07:05:29

I'm perfectly capable of appreciating the good times without going through the bad, what an odd thing to say. Do you not appreciate your child's smiles and first steps and cuddles if they haven't , e.g., vomited all over the wall the night before, then?

Genuine question: a lot of women do the vast, vast majority of childcare and night wakeups when their babies are very young. Are those with very involvwed partners who split the load cheating, and unable to bond?

Jennytailia Wed 03-Aug-11 07:05:46

I was looking on Gumtree for something and saw a few ads from families who were looking for a maternity nurse, for straight after the birth of their baby. One of them already had a 2yo who had her own nanny as well.

I dont think I would be able to sleep all night knowing a stranger had my tiny baby, maybe after weeks of sleepless nights I would be desperate, but to employ someone as soon as you are out of hospital seems a bit precious.

NoobyNoob Wed 03-Aug-11 07:06:20

I think YABU - although I can see where you're coming from.

It's certainly not cheating, bit of an odd thing to say TBH.

fastweb Wed 03-Aug-11 07:08:41

It's only cheating if motherhood is a competition.

But it isn't, so it's not.

Would I ever have had somebody in for the nights if I had the money, oh yeah.

PussInConverse Wed 03-Aug-11 07:09:45

Sounds awesome. Will save up for one for any future dc. Although I cheat already as dh does weekend night feeds...

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Wed 03-Aug-11 07:10:19

If you apply that to everything then so is ff and nursery hmm

Jennytailia Wed 03-Aug-11 07:11:28

Tortoiseonthehalfshell No, having a partner or family member help you out would not be 'cheating' as they have as much right to bond with the baby as the mother. But having paid help, someone who has no interest in bonding with the baby but who will be possibly spending half of the time with the baby doesnt seem right to me.

Jennytailia Wed 03-Aug-11 07:13:32

No Lovebeingathomeonmyown because those things are often necessary, whereas a maternity nanny just seems different

OpinionatedPlusSprogs Wed 03-Aug-11 07:15:13

YABU. Nothing wrong with it. Many Mums in this world don't have washing machines. The reason I have one is they make life easier. Am I cheating because I don't subject myself to pointless drudgery?

Of course money can buy pretty much anything. Life isn't fair.

OpinionatedPlusSprogs Wed 03-Aug-11 07:16:32

Why is a maternity nanny different? The baby is having it's needs met. No harm done.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 03-Aug-11 07:17:13

YABU... My friend had the same maternity nurse for both her children and I fully understand why. Her DH works away from home most of the week, she wasn't confident around babies, she'd had caesarians on both occasions and she didn't have willing family members on hand to help her out with those first weeks. She learned a lot from the nurse and gained a lot of confidence and reassurance.

I think you're quite horrible to judge other people's decisions based on your own prejudices.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 03-Aug-11 07:17:30

I don't think maternity nurses spend that much time with the baby to the exclusion of the parent, do they? And in any case, your original argument was that by having help with the bad times, you can't appreciate the good times nor get to know your baby properly. Both of which would apply equally if you had family helping.

Likewise, whether something is 'necessary' doesn't actually alter how it affects you. If the argument is that using external sources stops you bonding, then their necessity or otherwise is irrelevant.

Do you feel any different if you know that the mother advertising for the maternity nurse has physical disabilities that make her unable to do a lot of picking up? Or that she is at high risk for PPD which is exacerbated by lack of sleep?

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Wed 03-Aug-11 07:18:15

Who says they have no interest, I think you'd have to be pretty interested to so that job.

And how do you know these night nannies aren't needed? Buoy are judging from a couple of adverts.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn Wed 03-Aug-11 07:20:09

No Lovebeingathomeonmyown because those things are often necessary, whereas a maternity nanny just seems different

in your opinon

DuelingFanjo Wed 03-Aug-11 07:21:46

is this an anti-childcare thread by stealth?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 03-Aug-11 07:23:55

Looks that way Duellingfanjo... Childcare in the first few weeks of life is no different, in principle, to childcare at any other stage of life. Ironically, my friend who used a maternity nurse has gone on to be a SAHM and never used childcare. I, who battled through those first few months solo, have used child-care for my DS ever since. Does the OP want to vent her wrath on me for that, I wonder?

Jennytailia Wed 03-Aug-11 07:24:27

Right, fine im wrong then. I'll channel my jealousy anger at something else then.

If I saw this thread, I would probably come on to say YABU, I like a bit of an argument and I think you all do to. I bet you all secretly agree with me

SheCutOffTheirTails Wed 03-Aug-11 07:25:06

The only person I know who used one has triplets.

She was more tired than anyone I've ever seen despite the help.

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