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well it's really Am I Being Naive?

(60 Posts)
allsmeggedup Tue 02-Aug-11 21:20:41

So a male colleague has been coming on to me for months. Today we had a conversation where I told him (again) "Not interested, stop making suggestions, show some respect to your wife and my DP" and he basically called me naive for thinking people are actually faithful! He said that 'everyone' has a little fun and if I think my DP (who works away Mon-Fri) doesn't then I'm wrong. He said he has, his wife has and all of our colleagues have 'messed around' on nights out but people hide it from me cause I'm such a prude.
Yes he's a prick - that's not up for debate. And yes his behaviour is reprehensible - again not up for debate.
What I want to know is ... Is everyone else really doing the dirty on their OH's? I totally trust my OH - but this dickwad has really made me question my blind faith in my own and everyone else's relationships.
Am I stupidly naive (don't know where those wee dots are to make it properly ni-eeve)?
(And yes I know it's just a ploy - everyone else does it so you should do it with me. But I wonder just how widespread 'messing around' is)

AgentZigzag Tue 02-Aug-11 21:22:09

You're not naive.

He is a prick.

sloggies Tue 02-Aug-11 21:22:10

No, we're not all at it. YANBN.

molepom Tue 02-Aug-11 21:23:08

Dunno and dont care, I just pride myself on the fact that I WONT do that shit. What anyone else thinks is irrelevant.

Seabright Tue 02-Aug-11 21:23:11

It's him, not you. Yes, some people have affairs and some people have open marriages. But not everyone.

He's just saying it to try & get in your knickers.

FeelingaBitSick Tue 02-Aug-11 21:23:22

Well, in 10 years I've never cheated. Not hard really.

SlackSally Tue 02-Aug-11 21:25:08

I think perhaps more people than a lot would think, but definitely not everyone.

My non-scientific survey of friends (in my head, from what I know) would suggest maybe about half, depending on how you define cheating.

BertieBotts Tue 02-Aug-11 21:25:24

He sounds like a teenager! "Everyone else is doing it!" Ridiculous. Does he know everybody in the world?

molepom Tue 02-Aug-11 21:25:43

Next time he tried this just a short and sharp "Fuck off, Cunt" should do the trick.

LovetheHarp Tue 02-Aug-11 21:26:18

Of course you are not being naive.

I have been married 7 years and haven't done any messing around at all. Nor has my DH. Or any of my friends.

I know a couple of people who have and it has caused huge heartache to their other halves - I would never do that to my own family.

molepom Tue 02-Aug-11 21:26:29

"tried not tried"

BlingLoving Tue 02-Aug-11 21:26:51

He is a dick.

I would argue that most people are faithful.

molepom Tue 02-Aug-11 21:27:40


Thats it, I'm going to bed.

Nagini Tue 02-Aug-11 21:27:41

I'm not doing it.

MrsBaggins Tue 02-Aug-11 21:28:15

Nope 27 years faithful here .
what a knob !

Alibabaandthe80nappies Tue 02-Aug-11 21:28:55

You are not being naive. He is a disrespectful twat.

HeidiKat Tue 02-Aug-11 21:29:23

The guy is a prize cunt and if he is making advances towards you at work report him for sexual harrassment and get him sacked.

susiedaisy Tue 02-Aug-11 21:29:29

No he us a prick who is trying to undermine you in an attempt to justify his behaviour!

ballstoit Tue 02-Aug-11 21:29:38

I've never cheated.

But my ex-H tried the same line as your colleague when I caught him with his pants down...they are both pricks with any luck their penises will become gangrenous andhave to be amputated

MumblingRagDoll Tue 02-Aug-11 21:30:18

God if someone said that to me I woud lamp him. What a twot.

Mrsxstitch Tue 02-Aug-11 21:32:17

He is just a prick. I am another who has never cheated.

You have tried to get him to leave you alone, I think its time to report him.

MirandaGoshawk Tue 02-Aug-11 21:32:28

No, he is wrong. I don't believe most people are unfaithful. Some are, but a minority.

AgentZigzag Tue 02-Aug-11 21:33:03

I agree with Mumbling, he's a twot <<far worse than being a twat>> grin

SoftKittyWarmKitty Tue 02-Aug-11 21:33:08

OMG do you work where I work?! I'm single and I've had one of the blokes at my work (married with kids) proposition me on several occasions. When I point out he's married he says that I'm 'no fun'. I know that people do mess about though, often on nights out. Another man I work with (also MWK) had a fling with one of the women, and yet another bloke (with a long term gf) tried it on with the same woman. My ex also cheated on me with numerous slags women, which is why I won't do that to someone else. I've also never cheated on a partner. I'm not naive but I believe in fidelity and hope believe that there are also men out there who feel the same.

BertieBotts Tue 02-Aug-11 21:34:38

I imagine people who cheat tend to assume everyone is like them because the people that respond to their advances are. And also I think as humans we have the tendency to assume most people will act by our own moral code by default.

It's the same reason though that a partner who is paranoid about you cheating is probably cheating themselves, because they're doing it so they expect you will be too.

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