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AIBU?

I've done it again!

42 replies

Mitmoo · 02/08/2011 20:38

Son is autistic HF, and spends loads of time on his own fishing and golfing and I so want him to have friends. He's spent so many holidays on his own on golf course and fishheries but he gets on well with the adults. He is kind of older than his years. He has been suicidal recently and that is now lifting thank goodness. He's been suicidal before and I have to manage it until he can cope again.

A couple of nights ago I let his friends have a sleep over in the back garden. Set up a DIY marquee and then individual tents underneath, a very much hotch potch job in a small garden. They "get him" and he's known them for years.

Now I've allowed them another sleepover in tents tonight.

Am I barking? Over indulging the sleepovers? The kids like me and have even offered to let me stay outside with them. I am not into that at all but will sleep downstairs. I'm not fond of insects and things that can crawl up your nose as you sleep.

But then when my son tells me I am the best Mum in the world I think to hell with it let him be happy.

Am I a soft touch?

OP posts:

Report

milkshakejake · 02/08/2011 20:40

Not at all - it's not doing them any harm, is it? Lots of fresh air, and the weather won't hold for ever so let them make the most of it! How old is your son?

Oakmaiden · 02/08/2011 20:40

Nothing wrong with being a soft touch.

I would love to be the Mum who has a house full of children and their friends. Unfortunately my AS son doesn't have any friends :(

BeerTricksPotter · 02/08/2011 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itisnearlysummer · 02/08/2011 20:42

Halcyon days for your son.

Good for you.

He is very lucky

bellavita · 02/08/2011 20:43

You souund like a lovely mum and definitely not a soft touch, you just want what's best for your boy!

thisisyesterday · 02/08/2011 20:43

no, not a soft touch at all!

Marne · 02/08/2011 20:46

No, your not a soft touch at all, you sound like a great mum, glad you have found something that he enjoys doing with some friends, both my dd's have autism (dd1 AS and dd2 HFA), i would be willing to try anything to help them be more social, and if that was camping in the garden i would allow it.

InFlames · 02/08/2011 20:49

YANBU sounds lovely for your son and his buddies-and who cares if anyone thinks you're a soft touch, you sound caring and like a wonderful thoughtful mum :-)

AuntiePickleBottom · 02/08/2011 20:49

yanbu

Mitmoo · 02/08/2011 20:51

Oak he is kind of reestablishing these friendships and enjoying playing out which has only lasted a few days so far, but I so want to encourage it.
DS is 14 and these are friends from primary school.

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Mitmoo · 02/08/2011 20:52

itsnearlysummer given than he has been suicidal so often you calling them halcyon days as just brought a lump to my throat. Lovely.

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Icelollycraving · 02/08/2011 20:52

Not a soft touch but a lovely mum! You obv have difficulties with yr situation & have found a way to indulge your ds. Indulge is actually the wrong word,if your son will enjoy himself,he & his friends are safe & that in itself is worth it's weight in gold :)

tethersend · 02/08/2011 20:54

Unless you are buying them beers then you are just a lovely mum

fivegomadindorset · 02/08/2011 20:55

Not a soft tocu at all, well done you for facilitating the friendships.

Mitmoo · 02/08/2011 20:57

Ice I do indulge him and sometimes feel bad for that because he is getting spoilt. He needs to escape his worries and Autism Support Service and Beat the Bullies both say where ever his escape is encourage it, with son it is golf and fishing then to support it. But they are lonely old hobbies and while he enjoys it I worry about lack of socialisation.

To see him socialising is just brilliant, even though I now have three 14 year olds making a proper racket on the trampoline and having no thought of chilling out yet.

I will have to go out and calm them down in a bit before the neighbours start complaining. I think 9 is reasonable enough to get them to be quiet until then they can let off steam.

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Mitmoo · 02/08/2011 20:58

tether I have three 14 year olds in the back garden letting off steam. If there is any beer going, I'm having it.

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SmethwickBelle · 02/08/2011 20:58

It sounds like lovely summer memories in the making - good on you!

tethersend · 02/08/2011 20:58

Whatmeworry · 02/08/2011 20:58

Sleepover+Summer+Tents+Garden+Soft Mum = child happiness.

Marsmallows over a fire complete it....

emmanumber3 · 02/08/2011 20:59

Well done - you are just being a lovely mum. I wish my ASD 13 year old had friends who he would feel comfortable inviting home for a sleepover.

Mitmoo · 02/08/2011 21:02

The little beggars had me in tears last week as they cleared out my garden knowing I was suffering with anxiety, now they've taken it over and turned it into Glastonbury on a miniature scale.

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Mitmoo · 02/08/2011 21:03

emma this is a novelty, I couldn't see this coming. Up until now it has been fishing and golfing, it's lovely to hear laughter.

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MumblingRagDoll · 02/08/2011 21:05

I'm so glad they get him...it can be tough for the kids who don't have others who understand them...are there no sort of teenage clubs for Autistic kids...HF or otherwise?

My 7 year old DD is close friends with a little girl who is Autistic ....I often wonder how it will pan out as the years pass but I can't imagine them not being frends as they also "get" one another on many levels... Whilst my DD has no kiind of diagnosis atm she does seem as though she' might be on the spectrum in some ways....but then so do I so that might figure!

As these things are more understood, life will get easier I hope for those people who live with Autism.

Mitmoo · 02/08/2011 21:12

He has been mercilessly bullied mumbling had to leave two schools, one primary and one secondary, when you find these jewels of children who think "we'll take you as you are and support you as you are, even though sometimes you drive me mad" I do believe they have to be cherised.

I think life improves for children with autism the more support they get, the more understanding they get, and if they can find other children who get them who stick around.

Trouble comes when the people who are supposed to support them don''t agree, my ex has put son of taking his meds telling him he shouldn't be on them at his age so he stopped. Cue suicide notes and an attempt, again.

I get "what kind of letters have they given him this time" but he wont talk to the specialists or get informed on OCD and ASD. It's not as if I put him on medications on a whim.

Sorry I digress, they are now off the trampoline and have listened that the 9 pm is the time for quiet time.

I bet they're telling each other ghost stories as we type.

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InFlames · 02/08/2011 21:25

Sound like you're doing the right things, in a tough situation - enjoy the laughter :-)

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