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AIBU?

playground confrontation - am i totally wrong or just a bit?

120 replies

IAmTheCookieMonster · 02/08/2011 16:24

I'ver just got back from the playground with my 15 month ds and am actually in tears over an incident that occurred. I hold my hands up to the fact that I didn't handle it very well but I want to know if I was totally in the wrong or not.

My ds was playing on a wooden grasshopper, which was totally suitable for his age. I was sitting on a nearby dragonfly watching him. He then wandered over to the big slide and was standing on the bottom, I was aware of what he was doing and the slide was empty.

A boy (i'd say between 8 and 10) went to the top of the slide so I went to get ds off the bottom, but he started sliding. I ran up to the slide (probably screaming because i was in a blind panic) "my baby, you stupid boy you don't go down a slide when there is a baby at the bottom". his mum then came over from the other side of the playground and had a go at me saying that I should have ds under control and that it wasn't her son's fault. I said that you shouldn't go down a slide unless it is clear. Anyway, I went and apologised to her son - I said that I was sorry I upset him, I was in a panic and that I was wrong.

Maybe I should have been helicoptering ds, but I went to get him down as soon as the boy wanted the slide. When I was a kid it was drummed into me that you wait for the slide to be clear before you go down. I definitely shouldn't have called him a stupid boy, I know that.

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farnywarny · 02/08/2011 16:27

YABU for calling him stupid

YANBU for panicking

His mum IBU for having a go at you when she should have taught her ds not to slide down if it is not clear.

Tanif · 02/08/2011 16:27

Kids are kids, 8 year olds don't realise 15 month olds aren't as robust as they are; he wanted to use the slide, he used it. No one was harmed, everything is now okay, you'll still get your birthday and Christmas will arrive as normal.

Maybe next time, just don't let DS play on the slide :) that way you save yourself the stress and an innocent 8 year old doesn't get his ear chewed off!

WilsonFrickett · 02/08/2011 16:27

Erm, sorry, you ran across the playground screaming 'you stupid boy' at another child? YABU. 8 year old kids make mistakes and don't always check for things like toddlers at the bottom of the slide. You could have shouted 'stop!' for example...

MrsCampbellBlack · 02/08/2011 16:29

Well you probably did scare the other boy if you were screaming and calling him stupid. Also not best to let a small toddler sit on the bottom of a big slide.

So I think you were a bit unreasonable really.

The boy may not have even noticed your toddler but agree that as a rule you wait for the slide to be clear before sliding down.

BluddyMoFo · 02/08/2011 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToothlesstheDragon · 02/08/2011 16:29

yanbu, ive managed to teach my nearly 3 year old son not to go down the slide when someone is at the bottom.

You were being a wee bit U calling the boy stupid, but in your circumstances would have done the same

NorfolkBroad · 02/08/2011 16:30

poor you, I have over reacted a bit like that in heated situations. I once had a total hormonal meltdown because this man pushed in front of me in a face painting queue and I was all het up because my painfully shy (then!) dd had NEVER wanted to do anything like that and I was so keen for her to have it done. I don't know where my righteous rage and idignation came from but it was well over the top! Nevermind, the man was really rude to me and I was really upset and embarrassed and I cringed about it for a while but we all make mistakes. You were brilliant to go and apologise and I don't think you did anything wrong, just slightly over reacted like the older boys mum did to you xx

ToothlesstheDragon · 02/08/2011 16:30

in your situation i mean blind panic...

2shoes · 02/08/2011 16:30

sorry yabu
I would not be best pleased if someone had shouted at my ds(my job) but you said sorry, so let it go. next time keep you ds away from the bottom of a slide

caughtinanet · 02/08/2011 16:31

I'm sure it was very scarey for you but I do think you over reacted, with the best will in the world 8-10 year olds in a playground won't always be looking out for smaller children and I would expect to be on full alert with a toddler.

I'd be pretty annoyed if you'd called one of my children a stupid boy and would think it was my fault if my toddler was knocked down (unless of course the older boy was hellbent on causing havoc and was deliberate rather than just thoughtless).

I'd move on and forget it, there will always be playground incidents.

manicbmc · 02/08/2011 16:31

Playground 'etiquette' for kids dictates that the slide must always be clear before you slide and that you must never run behind the swings without looking.

The boy was stupid but maybe you shouldn't have shouted at him.

I shouldn't worry about it - no one got hurt.

Salmotrutta · 02/08/2011 16:31

Well, you admit yourself you shouldn't have called the boy stupid but you probably said the first thing that came into your head. He shouldn't have started sliding whilst a toddler was there though.
I'd gently suggest that whilst you had a reason to be worried running over screaming was maybe a bit OTT. But you know that and you also know that with a 15-month old you do rather have to help them on playground equipment a bit.
Put it down to experience - and you did apologise which was good.

NorfolkBroad · 02/08/2011 16:32

I haven't done this before or since by the way (oh except when i saw some teenagers kicking a pigeon) but just occasionally our mothering instincet gets the better of us.

MrsCampbellBlack · 02/08/2011 16:32

Oh yes you did the right thing by apologising and do just move on from this - really not worth your tears.

Kayano · 02/08/2011 16:32

If I was the other mum and you called my kid stupid I would have had a lot worse to say. Obv you were too far away if you moved as soon as you saw the older kid going for the slidebut had to sprint in a blind panic...

Give you your dues though. At least you apologised

TillyTellTale · 02/08/2011 16:33

More or less agreed with farnywarny but I think it was unreasonable to let a toddler hang around in such a dangerous place.

On your part, take this as your cue to start trying to teach your son never to hang around the bottom of slides. I know he's 15 months, and probably won't get it for another couple of years, though, but he needs to get the hang of it as soon as he is capable of it.

You can't rely on other children checking for small toddlers. Hell, you can't always rely on adults to look where they're going!

Birdsgottafly · 02/08/2011 16:34

Neither of you were totally wrong, it's what happens when mums are defending their DC's.
There is an inbetween in helicopter parenting and staying aware of other DC's. I used to hate it when parents would let their toddler wander and they would just miss being kicked in the head by a DC on a swing. Playgrounds are for playing in, no DC should have to limit their play if they are using the equipment as it should be used.

joric · 02/08/2011 16:34

Tanif Kids are kids, 8 year olds don't realise 15 month olds aren't as robust as they are; he wanted to use the slide, he used it.
yes they do, or rather they should... The child was 8 not 3.

OP, I would have been annoyed if you had called my DD stupid if she was indeed stupid enough and so lacking in self awareness to do this. You know you shouldn't have said this but the boy's mum should have told him off.

Don't be upset, you panicked, that's all.

TanyaBranning · 02/08/2011 16:34

This sort of thing is par for the course with playgrounds. You'll get used to it eventually!

You probably did overreact. Now my son is older I do feel sorry for him sometimes, as playgrounds always seem to be dominated by fragile toddlers and boisterous primary-school age children do need to let off steam too! But of course, when you see your child about to get hurt you do panic. You're only human. 'Stupid boy' isnt the best comment you could've come out with, though

halcyondays · 02/08/2011 16:34

Generally I think 8 year old should know to wait if there's someone at the bottom, but screaming and calling him a stupid boy was a bit OTT. He might not have realised your ds was there.

Tbh, when you have a 15 month old at the playground, you have to watch them like a hawk.

Reality · 02/08/2011 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 02/08/2011 16:38

Thanks everyone for not laying into me. I've definitely learned for next time!

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VeggieButcher · 02/08/2011 16:38

Sorry but you would have received a proper mouthful from me if that had been my son.

Yes you generally don't go down a slide if there is someone at the bottom but generally, 8 year old lads don't go around checking for babies and toddlers before they use play equipment! Did it not occur to you that your DS was standing in a dangerous place before the 8 year old even appeared? I mean in the past my DS has wondered up to the bottom of the slide and I've told him to move as someone may come flying down it and hurt him.

I don't mean to be nasty as you're obviously upset enough but I feel more sorry for the little lad you shouted at to be honest. Hope you've not put him off playing in the park.

unfitmother · 02/08/2011 16:42

YABU in calling him a stupid boy but at least you apologized.

pictish · 02/08/2011 16:42

Your response was a bit much OP!

'You stupid boy!'

My 9 year old son has been told about checking the slide is clear umpteen times, but in his enthusiasm and excitement, I'm sure he doesn't check every single time. If you had spoken to MY son like that, I would've advised you to get your precious baby off the fucking slide in the first place. Sorry like, but I would.

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