My DH is a do-er and always on the go. I work part-time (16hrs) and quite often at the end of the day he'll tell me what I could have done differently and more efficiently to have acheived more at home in the day. Most days he'll tell me how "disappointed" he is that x, y or z hasn't been done. To be fair to him he says this is because he wants to carve out more time for us both in the evenings. He does his bit around the house and is always looking for the most efficient way to do things.
I do my best and never sit down for long during the day (if at all). I have a child at school and one about to start in Sept. I am efficient at work but on my days off I don't want to be an efficiency-machine. I just want to enjoy my pre-schooler and keep the house ticking over. I admit I'm not overly domesticated but I do my bit - washing done everyday, hoovering most days, dinner on the table for when he gets in etc.
He does look after the kids for the odd day and does a great job, fitting in loads of chores and playing with them etc. The consequence of his perpetual comments is that I feel that whatever I do I am never doing enough in the house, and that he could do a much better job than me and that I am failing in this area. He tells me that I'm doing a good job with the kids but that he struggles with me not being "housey" enough. I guess I feel undermined - as if he's questioning my decision-making ability.
I suppose there is also years of anti-feminist conditioning for me to get over too - both our parents had v. trad relationships - his mum keeps a show-home and gets up at 6am to do the chores! So our model (from both sides) is of a nuturing, houseproud woman. I'm nuturing but not naturally housey (although I do my bit) and it causes endless arguments.
He's getting better - most days he used to tell me 4 things I'd done wrongly or inefficently before he'd even stepped through the door after work! Now he realises the value of timing a bit more - so now I get told before bed when we are both a bit less fraught! The last thing I need after a long day working and looking after the kids is a list of things I could have done better! I always just fly off the handle and get angry.
Is anyone else in the same boat? How do you deal with it?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
to feel I'm failing and being undermined...
60 replies
zozzle · 02/08/2011 10:30
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
LunaticFringe ·
02/08/2011 11:31
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.